zubinpepsi Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 The teacher, in an attempt to stimulate their minds, asked the class the following question, " What is bright red and shiny?" Little Johnny jumped up and shouted, " A fire engine !!!!???" "No! No!" said the teacher," But I like the way you think. Anyone else?" Little Susan replied that it was an apple and the teacher was happy except Johnny of course. Anyway, Little Johnny asked the teacher if he can ask a question to which a question to which she nodded OK. "What is long, hard, rounded and has hair at one end?" "JOHNNY!!!" she screamed, "WE'LL HAVE NONE OF THAT TALK HERE..." Johnny replied, " No, it's a toothbrush, but I like the way you think". ************** Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and yo! u shot one with your gun, how many sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?" "None", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking." Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were Three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married ? Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?" "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking. ****************** One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about." "Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red." Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple." "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish. Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" "No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard." By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking." Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I'! ve got it: it's round, hard, and it got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!" "Nope ," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking! ****************** Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents' bedroom. He got out of bed and walked down the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to the end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom light had gone on. Little Johnny walked into the bathroom and saw his father removing a used condom. "Daddy, what are you doing?" asked little Johnny. His father looked around nervously wondering what he could tell his son. "I, um, I'm just checking out the bathroom for mice." Replied his father. Johnny looked at his father with a gaze of confusion and said, "Well, what are you doing? F...ing them?" ****************** Little Johnny greeted his mother at the door after she had been out of had been out of town all week and said, "Mommy, guess what? Yesterday, I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and Daddy came into the room with the lady from next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and then Daddy got on top of her and -" The mother held up her hand and said, "Not another word ! Wait until your father gets home and then I want you to tell him exactly what you've just told me." The father comes home and the wife tells him that she's leaving him. "But why?" croaks the husband. "Go ahead, Johnny, tell Daddy just what you told me." "Well," said little Johnny, "I was playing in your closet and Daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and Daddy got on top of her and they did just what ! you did, Mommy, with Uncle Bob" *************** Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day,the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first. One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God." The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand. He says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love." "Very good," said the teacher. The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no," she thought, "I'm not gonna like this. Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?" Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet." The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first. He replied, "Well,! I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!'" ***************** The teacher at the beginning of the class says: "OK kids, we are going to talk about sexual education today. First we'll talk about how the human reproduction goes on..." Immediately, little Johnny raises his hand, and desperately tries to get the teacher's attention. But the teacher, knowing how little Johnny is about these things, goes on... "... First, a man and a woman have to be in love... " these things, goes on... But little Johnny keeps his hand up, waving it up and down, and from one side to the other one. The teacher ignores him... " ... They have to be very in love because..." But now little Johnny even starts making noise with his feet, so the teacher decides to acknowledge him: "OK, little Johnny.! What do you want to say." Little Johnny then stands up, and says: "I just wanted to ask. Those of us who have already f...ed, can we leave?" ****************** Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetics. "Why?" asks the father. "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'" "But that's right!" "Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the f...ing difference?" "That's exactly what I said." ******************** Five years old Johnny and his little sister are peeping through a keyhole at their parents making love. "Wow, look at them! And we are not allowed even to stick a finger in our nose!" ************** Johnny and his father are observing a couple of dogs screwing each other. "Dad, what're the dogs doing?" asks Johnny. "Well, the one below has relaxed and the one above has concentrated." "Okay, I've understood." "What've you understood!?" asks the father sarcastically. "Never relax in your life, dad, or you'll get f...ed like a dog!" ************** Johnny's parents were out of town once and so they asked that young female teacher to stay for that time in their house. Before going to bed Johnny says to her "Oh, please, I'm so afraid to be by be by myself, please, sleep in my bed." She agrees, they go to bed. In the morning she wakes up to find a big hairy-chested man in her bed. She exclaims: "Johnny? Where is Johnny?!!!" "Johnny? Who is Johnny? Is that the little boy selling the tickets?" ************** Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest?" Unsure how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten. Johnny didn't forget. The following m! orning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny,those are balloons.When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions. A few weeks later, Johnny's dad comes home from work a few hour few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommy's balloons and she's screaming 'Oh God, I'm coming!" ****************** One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed in her cleavage. She asked, "Can anyone tell me what roses drink? How about you, Johnny?" "Milk!" answered Little Johnny. "No, I'm sorry. That's the wrong answer. Roses drink water," explained the teacher. "Wow!" Johnny exclaimed. "I didn't know the stem was that long!" ********************
Lurker Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents' bedroom. He got out of bed and walked down the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to the end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom light had gone on. Little Johnny walked into the bathroom and saw his father removing a used condom. "Daddy, what are you doing?" asked little Johnny. His father looked around nervously wondering what he could tell his son. "I, um, I'm just checking out the bathroom for mice." Replied his father. Johnny looked at his father with a gaze of confusion and said, "Well, what are you doing? F...ing them?" I have heard this before but it makes me :hysterical: every single time.
dial_100 Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 Saala jonny nahi sudharega...:hysterical:
dial_100 Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 here is one more... TP Little Johnny... Finding Jesus A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven." Mary answers, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!" The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this. "Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"
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