sgusa Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 Women are driven by primal force to find a mate and make him care for her chilldren. Men are driven by primal force to impregnate as many women as they can. Marriage, love or arranged, is but an uneasy impasse :)
Bongosamaj Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 Marriage is an interesting concept that as some here may already know, I do not rate highly. If i had it my way, i'd never get married, even if i find the perfect woman for me and wanted to be with her my whole life. Having said that, there are vast differences in marriage cultures around the world but by and large, the two groups are 'arranged' vs ' love'. And both sides of the equation have much to learn from each other. The issues faced are a lot more deep rooted than simply marriage because the two mentalities have profound influence on issues beyond that of a relationship. Arranged marriages rely on a rigid code of conduct, though the code of conduct is fairly generalized in most cultures.Arranged married people tend to be moralists- people who absolutely believe that their way is the only way or the best way to success. That is indisputably so, simply because the notion of 'falling in love/loving a person' after you are stuck with them forces the couple to adopt certain unspoken rules of conduct around each other. The discovery process is a lot longer and often far more devious simply because in a scenario where two of you are joined at the hip financially & societerially, one is far more careful around one's partners when expressing true feelings on something. The cost of disappointment is higher. There is a definite lack of sponteneity in most arranged marriages simply because it robs the couple of 'no consequence first few months/year of getting to know one another in completely sponteinious fashion' opportunity. This ultimately IMO has profound implications towards outlook towards life & ethos of a person. This is because sponteneious interactions are often the most enriching & joyful and it is my opinion that these moments of utter sponteneious happiness goes a long way towards the mental balance of a person. On the plus side, arranged marriages usually involves people with strong sense of responsibility and as a result, they see less breakups. Obviously,there is a conservative social element to this, as arranged marriages also take place in cultures where divorce is usually frowned upon. This often works out for the better for the children involved. Love marriages on the other hand are fragile things and one has to have certain amount of fatalism in their viewpoint to go all the way in the avenue of love-based marriage. They are the Ming Vase of the world- exquisite, pretty and serene but very fragile at the same time. The inherent sponteneity and openness that is often the source of so much pleasure can also be the biggest weakness as it often leads to breakups due to issues that may seem 'trivial' to the arranged marriage couples. The initial stages of courtship is also a lot harsher in the love marriage example because of high frequency of breakups and rejections dominating the early stages of the relationship. In arranged marriages, the criteria for initial acceptance is quantified more narrowly and as a result, its a bit like taking an exam- you can tell before you go in whether you are going to fail horribly or not for the most part. Which is the better route ? Its not that simple because ultimately, marriage, like most concept is a function of individuals concerned and not a formula to be followed. Arranged marriages work out well if the individuals are well educated and idealists. For then they are educated on what to expect and the nature of arranged marriages. This coupled with a highly idealist viewpoint can lead to success stories.However, most arranged marriages also occur amongst much more ignorant/illiterate societies where chauvinism dominates the scene and as a result become a fundamentally twisted institution. For every successful arranged marriage, there are many times more the unsuccessful ones or the ones that is a joyless compromise. Love marriages too require careful nurturing due to its fragility and often blow up in your face because of poor relationship establishment between the partners. Ultimately, if all things are equal, they both have more or less the same chance of working out. Ultimately, both fail to live up to expectations more often than not due to human condition of ignorance and suffering. But if i were to make a choice, i'd gun for the love marriage. Simply because if i succeed, its more fun and happiness. And whether i succeed or not ultimately depends on me and her- so ultimately, its down to the individuals- i might as well take the more fun route than the less fun route if the major influencing factors are the individuals and thus not the the mode i pick ( arranged vs love). As the saying goes, fortune favours the bold.
sgusa Posted October 6, 2007 Posted October 6, 2007 This is prob what all men want anyways :) WsjevQ7ZtCc
varun Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 OMG holy.. love your avatar :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
CricketIndia Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 If you ask an urban Indian youth about what marriage is about, he/she will say "It is about love, romance and relationships"..............it is so but not limited to these three.....marriage is also about taking up responsibilites and making key decisions, much like the leader of a team or the manager in the corporate world. If you ask any urban Indian youth the definition of marriage, he/she will say "It exists between a man and a woman"......u have got the conept wrong.....marriage exists between two families more than between a man and a woman, it is more of working as a team rather than work with a single person (your spouse)......that is what arranged marriages are about......i am sorry to say that love marriages are based mostly on love and romance and do not go beyond that.........sorry urban youth my comments might hurt you all but it is a hard fact......urban Indian youth is concerned about night clubs, romantic Bollywood movies, posh shopping malls and love marriages......the rice and roti that you urbanites eat daily come from the hard-working farmers of India......the Twenty20 World Cup was also won by small town players and not urbanites !
Ram Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 What a gem of a first post ! Didnt understand a word of it.
Gaurav Posted October 7, 2007 Author Posted October 7, 2007 If you ask an urban Indian youth about what marriage is about' date=' he/she will say "It is about love, romance and relationships"..............it is so but not limited to these three.....marriage is also about taking up responsibilites and making key decisions, much like the leader of a team or the manager in the corporate world. If you ask any urban Indian youth the definition of marriage, he/she will say "It exists between a man and a woman"......u have got the conept wrong.....marriage exists between two families more than between a man and a woman, it is more of working as a team rather than work with a single person (your spouse)......that is what arranged marriages are about......i am sorry to say that love marriages are based mostly on love and romance and do not go beyond that.........sorry urban youth my comments might hurt you all but it is a hard fact......urban Indian youth is concerned about night clubs, romantic Bollywood movies, posh shopping malls and love marriages......the rice and roti that you urbanites eat daily come from the hard-working farmers of India......the Twenty20 World Cup was also won by small town players and not urbanites ![/quote'] Sir can you give us your valuable advice on this "urban India" thread as well- http://indiancricketfans.com/showthread.php?t=44282 :hysterical: Btw welcome aboard. Ap waise kis village ke hain? :isalute:
jaideep Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 good gosh...this is some debate here..arranged vs love...i would rather say live single and remain single for the rest of our lives
CricketIndia Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 i have mocked the urban indian youth of today.....india lives in villages and not in cities Gaurav....wake up !
Gaurav Posted October 7, 2007 Author Posted October 7, 2007 i have mocked the urban indian youth of today.....india lives in villages and not in cities Gaurav....wake up ! I never said that real India is confined to urban India only :D Sara India to India hai...urban or rural :wink_smile: Jai Hind :two_thumbs_up:
jaideep Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 i thought this is a thread on arranged marriages and not urban or rural youths..:haha:
Ram Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 good gosh...this is some debate here..arranged vs love...i would rather say live single and remain single for the rest of our lives Thats the spirit my bwoy ! :two_thumbs_up:
CricketIndia Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 the tendency of urbanites is to mock villagers........to abide by Western norms like love marriages and not arranged marriages dude......that is where arranged and love marriage debate fits in...
jaideep Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 thank you mr sriram...who in the F!#@$ hell says that love marriage does not exist in rural india...:giggle:
CricketIndia Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 love marriage is an urban concept and not rural mr jaideep.....
jaideep Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 hhahaaaaa....are u indian MR cricket indian ,,do u know anything abt india or indians let alone the rural/urban divide...:hysterical:.....:haha:....by the way u shuld change ur name from cricket india to "bhashangiri" india...
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