Gaurav Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 My view is that arranged marriage and the related cow trading market is FKD UP! I don't mean to insult anyone who has had or is going to have an arranged marriage. Sure some arranged marriages work but boy talk about taking the plunge for your parents :mama: Marrying someone you love is COMPLETELY different to marrying a stranger and then HOPING to fall in love with them. I was told by my relatives and desi acquaintances that arranged marriage is marriage between the two families. The two families make sure that the couple stay together and don't split in times of trouble. I say :finger: to that. Why would I want additional family pressure if my marriage was already rock bottom? All my relatives/cousins had arranged marriage and half of them are divorced or in unhappy show marriages :eyedance: When I look at a typical arranged marriage couple then the ZING is VERY clearly missing! Ok I am going to take cover now :hysterical:
Lurker Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Darn...I can't even comment considering I aint married :hysterical: Will leave the marital breed to sort this out for ya GKD.
varun Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Thing is, with the traditionally conservative society in India, if there weren't any Arranged Marriages, half of the folks would never get married :P
Guest dada_rocks Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 My view is that arranged marriage and the related cow trading market is FKD UP! I don't mean to insult anyone who has had or is going to have an arranged marriage. Sure some arranged marriages work but boy talk about taking the plunge for your parents :mama: Marrying someone you love is COMPLETELY different to marrying a stranger and then HOPING to fall in love with them. I was told by my relatives and desi acquaintances that arranged marriage is marriage between the two families. The two families make sure that the couple stay together and don't split in times of trouble. I say :finger: to that. Why would I want additional family pressure if my marriage was already rock bottom? All my relatives/cousins had arranged marriage and half of them are divorced or in unhappy show marriages :eyedance: When I look at a typical arranged marriage couple then the ZING is VERY clearly missing! Ok I am going to take cover now :hysterical: it should read some arranged marriages do not work
Gaurav Posted October 4, 2007 Author Posted October 4, 2007 it should read some arranged marriages do not work Only if the sign of success for you is that the couple are not divorced :hysterical: - I would take a working love marriage over a working arranged marriage any day :finger: - I would take a broken/divorced love marriage situation over a not working but still married arranged marriage situation any day Suck on this DR :mama: :D
Ram Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Marraige , irrespective of whether its arranged or love is PURE luck. Ultimately all of us end up getting bored of our spouse at some point. So who cares if the marraige is arranged or love.
kumble_rocks Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Thing is' date=' with the traditionally conservative society in India, if there weren't any Arranged Marriages, [b']half of the folks would never get married :P :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Very True !
kumble_rocks Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Marraige ' date=' irrespective of whether its arranged or love is PURE luck. Ultimately all of us end up getting bored of our spouse at some point. So who cares if the marraige is arranged or love.[/quote'] Interesting take there !
coffee_rules Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 In that case, divorces among love marriage should unheard of. People change over time and compromises have to be made in all cases.. So it is not safe in any system. But chances of working are more in case of love marriages and chances of things screwing up are more in case of arranged marriages.
kumble_rocks Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 The very fact that more than 60% of marriages in USA ends in divorce is a clarion indicator that love marriage equally sucks. Many a times these so called love marriages last for less than a year. Compare this with Indian Marriage which for all ills still has much better success rate. Although it should be pointed out that Indian women sacrifice much more to keep the marriage working in most cases.
Lurker Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 In that case' date=' divorces among love marriage should unheard of. People change over time and compromises have to be made in all cases.. So it is not safe in any system. But chances of working are more in case of love marriages and [b']chances of things screwing up are more in case of arranged marriages. Actually I would say chances of marriage getting screwed up these days has little to do with arranged or love marriage. What it has to do with is the way our society has evolved. Today girls are not expected to sit back home, they go out and have their own life. Similarly with guys. It is not about compromises anymore though every couple tries. Couples in large cities, pretty much in every country, are both working and that adds work stress, stress about kids, not getting enough time together, vacation and so on. I would say the problems with many marriages today is more due to lifestyle than how it was done(arranged or love). xxx
Ram Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 I read that someone had , in response to the "Who is your ideal match ? " question in orkut , had written the answer as - " is a person i can deal with. dont care if i love him or he loves me". I think it makes a lot of sense. Love is a totally over-hyped concept fit only for movies. I have had friends try to sell me the merits of love marraige and i always take what they say with a pinch of salt.
living Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 haha nice comments keep 'em coming :two_thumbs_up:
coffee_rules Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Actually I would say chances of marriage getting screwed up these days has little to do with arranged or love marriage. What it has to do with is the way our society has evolved. Today girls are not expected to sit back home, they go out and have their own life. Similarly with guys. It is not about compromises anymore though every couple tries. Couples in large cities, pretty much in every country, are both working and that adds work stress, stress about kids, not getting enough time together, vacation and so on. I would say the problems with many marriages today is more due to lifestyle than how it was done(arranged or love). xxx And you say you are not even married. Marriages work because of individuals and their gelling of basic natures. That can be verified earlier in case of love marriages and chances of not working later is left only to individuals evolving over time. Society/lifestyles are all outside of this basic fact.
Gaurav Posted October 4, 2007 Author Posted October 4, 2007 Marraige ' date=' irrespective of whether its arranged or love is [b']2- PURE luck. Ultimately all of us end up 1- getting bored of our spouse at some point. So who cares if the marraige is arranged or love. 1- The "decay factor" as I like to call it is 100000000000000000000 times greater/quicker/faster in arranged marriages. For example I know an elder couple who had love marriage when it was unheard of in India. They are in their 70s and it's still clear to see how much they are in love...compared to say my own arrange marriage walle parents. By most standards my parents ki marriage would be classed as VERY successfully but not by my standards :haha: 2- I don't think it is pure luck. You decrease the chances with love marriage. Most importantly as an adult would you not prefer to make your own mistakes? Respect for parents is one thing but getting them to pick you a wife is another :haha:
Lurker Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 And you say you are not even married. Marriages work because of individuals and their gelling of basic natures. That can be verified earlier in case of love marriages and chances of not working later is left only to individuals evolving over time. Society/lifestyles are all outside of this basic fact. Quite correct. Which is why generalization(arranged/love marriage) will not get us anywhere. However I would say that individuals are getting more and more individualistic as days go by. There is a greater emphasis on career(for both sexes). There is a greater emphasis on "me factor" as in - Look I like this so just let me be. A hubby is forced to be amicable to his spouse male friends and a wife has to be so towards his lady friends. And while it is all good and great to say if there is trust the couple should be fine there are also occassions that the threshold for acceptance has come down greatly. Throw in Internet quagmire where a harried wife can talk to an anonymous guy for hours opening up in a way that she never did with her hubby(or man with a girl) and the problem is complete. xxx
Guest dada_rocks Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 GKD trust me have seldom seen an unhappy arranged marriage.. U lovelorns think arrnaged means forced it never is these days.........
Lurker Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 GKD trust me have seldom seen an unhappy arranged marriage.. U lovelorns think arrnaged means forced it never is these days......... Unless we are talking about kidnapped marriages in Begusarai area :fight:
yoda Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 1- The "decay factor" as I like to call it is 100000000000000000000 times greater/quicker/faster in arranged marriages. For example I know an elder couple who had love marriage when it was unheard of in India. They are in their 70s and it's still clear to see how much they are in love...compared to say my own arrange marriage walle parents. By most standards my parents ki marriage would be classed as VERY successfully but not by my standards :haha: 2- I don't think it is pure luck. You decrease the chances with love marriage. Most importantly as an adult would you not prefer to make your own mistakes? Respect for parents is one thing but getting them to pick you a wife is another :haha: if sex is all you are after, there is no need to even get married at all. you can keep whoring around all your life and probably have a even better life. :D
Ram Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 The very fact that more than 60% of marriages in USA ends in divorce is a clarion indicator that love marriage equally sucks. Many a times these so called love marriages last for less than a year. Compare this with Indian Marriage which for all ills still has much better success rate. Although it should be pointed out that Indian women sacrifice much more to keep the marriage working in most cases. KR , i think your comparison would make better sense if it were between Indian love and arranged marraiges. Comparing Indian arranged and American love marraiges somehow doesnt fit. One way i look at it , even though i am still many years from being married , is that i have least expectations from partner , whoever that is. If i expect my wife to be an absolute darling , the most compassionate and caring soul on this planet and be a fun-loving person , i know all i will end up with is a big Zero. Just the minimum requirements would be Can i discuss something with her for 30 mins without breaking into an argument Can i go out with her for 2 times a week without feeling bored ? Can she live with my parents for couple of months a year without either trying to kill the other ? Is she sane enough to put things in perspective and not blow stupid things out of context ? Is she independant enough to do her own thing , instead of just doing what i want ? Does she look ok enough for me to take her to a party and yet feel comfortable about it ? Definately dont expect super-models looks. If i can tick all these and few more personal things which i dont i should reveal here , i think we are good to go. Dont care if its arrange of love marraige.
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