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2 Gays Rupert + Cecil are lying in bed Rupert starts rubbing vaseline on his chest. Cecil said wot u doing? Rupert said I read that vaseline stimulates hair growth, I want a hairy chest. Cecil said dont b ****ing stupid, if that was true id have a ponytail sticking out of my ****...! As the coffin was slowly being lowered into the grave at the funeral of a traffic warden, a voice from inside it screamed, "I'M NOT DEAD, I'M NOT DEAD!!!!?" To which the priest smugly answered, "I am sorry my son, the paperwork has already been done! A half jewish half black kid asks his mum "Am i mostly black or am i mostly jewish?" "your just my son" the mother replies "but why ask such a question?" "well my mate is selling his bike 4 £50 & i dnt know whether 2 be a good jewish boy & haggle or just stab the bastard & take it." A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions, "he observed. To the first mother, he said, "you are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is with money. Again, its indicated from your child's name, Penny." He turns to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. This too is showing itself in your child's name, Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers.. "Come on, Dick, we're leaving. :--D

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A hen lays an egg on India-Pakistan border... Both countries start fighting for the egg... Finally india suggests.. Who ever ****s more women in the other country in 24hrs wins the egg...pakis agree... India go to pakistan.. **** 150000 women & come back... Pakis are excited... They shout...Our Turn.. India says..**** off... Keep the Egg... ******************* Man drivin down road. Woman drivin up same road.They pass each other.Man shouts out window ****IN BIG FAT COW Woman yells out window ****IN ******! Woman turns round corner crashes into a huge cow and dies. Moral of the story? If only women would ****in listen I rang the Samaritans last night. As is the trend these days I was put through to their call centre in Pakistan! I told them I was feeling suicidal.... The Bastards got excited and asked if I could fly a plane! *********************************** do you like these??:winky:

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A hen lays an egg on India-Pakistan border... Both countries start fighting for the egg... Finally india suggests.. Who ever ****s more women in the other country in 24hrs wins the egg...pakis agree... India go to pakistan.. **** 150000 women & come back... Pakis are excited... They shout...Our Turn.. India says..**** off... Keep the Egg... ******************* I rang the Samaritans last night. As is the trend these days I was put through to their call centre in Pakistan! I told them I was feeling suicidal.... The Bastards got excited and asked if I could fly a plane! *********************************** do you like these??:winky:
:hysterical:

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A hen lays an egg on India-Pakistan border... Both countries start fighting for the egg... Finally india suggests.. Who ever ****s more women in the other country in 24hrs wins the egg...pakis agree... India go to pakistan.. **** 150000 women & come back... Pakis are excited... They shout...Our Turn.. India says..**** off... Keep the Egg... ******************* Man drivin down road. Woman drivin up same road.They pass each other.Man shouts out window ****IN BIG FAT COW Woman yells out window ****IN ******! Woman turns round corner crashes into a huge cow and dies. Moral of the story? If only women would ****in listen I rang the Samaritans last night. As is the trend these days I was put through to their call centre in Pakistan! I told them I was feeling suicidal.... The Bastards got excited and asked if I could fly a plane! *********************************** do you like these??:winky:
ur first batch were better but if it keeps u happy then :hehe: ok?

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Paddy is in the airport with a sack over each shoulder when he gets stopped by customs. They search the two sacks, and find loads of mobile phones in them. Custom officer asks Paddy why does he have all these phones? Paddy replies "well, I was on my travels in America and got a phone call from my mate Murphy. He told me that he is starting up a Jazz band, and could i bring him back two saxophones God asked Jesus to try lots of drugs to help him sympathise with the modern man. He asked his disciples to each find a drug and bring it to him. Mark brought cocaine, Matthew brought LSD, Andrew brought weed and Judas, well, Judas brought the ****ing drug squad!! Barack Obama & Gordon Brown are in a meeting in the Whitehouse.Obamas wife Michelle walks in & asks what they are doing.They tell her they are making plans for world war 3; so she asks what are the plans?To which Obama replies"we're going to kill 14 million pakis & 1 dentist". Why 1 dentist? she asks...Obama pats Gordon Brown on the back and says"Told you nobody would ask about the ****ing pakis.... Don't spend millions on airport body scanners. Simply hand out bacon sandwiches at the check-in. If they don't eat, they don't fly - simple!

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Let me try telling a joke; ***** If you flip a coin, what are the chances you will get head ? ***** :nervous:
^ Depends on which coin you're actually flipping. If it's "sholay" wala coin then probability of getting head is 1. Am I correct? :nervous:
Sholay wala coin ? Heads = Side of a coin as in Heads or Tails; Head = BlowJ.o.b

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Sholay wala coin ? Heads = Side of a coin as in Heads or Tails; Head = BlowJ.o.b
lolzz ok... got you. :haha: don't you know? In 'Sholay' movie, Amitabh had a coin with 'heads' on both the sides.
If flicking a coin could get me some head or even some tail' date=' i'd be flicking like a mad man[/quote'] :dito: :giggle:

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Just split up from my cross eyed girlfriend. I'm sure she was seeing someone else. My girlfriend was in labor with our first child. She was shouting out ‘get this out of me? Give me the drugs.’ She looked at me and said, ‘You did this to me you bastard!’ I casually replied, ‘If you would care to remember, I wanted to stick it up your ass but you said, ‘it'll be too painful.’ An indian bloke goes to put his wifes death in the local paper, they tell him its £1 a word. He only has £4 so he says to put in, "Sanjit Patel is dead", they take pity on him and tell him he can have another 4 words free, he said , thanks, put in, "Sanjit Patel is dead, SHOP OPEN AS USUAL" Indian goes into a brothel and says "How much for a shag?" Hooker replies "£100" Guy says "I'll pay u £200 for Indianstyle" The hooker gets worried and says no. The Indian offers her £500 and the hooker thinks ok how bad can Indianstyle be, so she agrees. After 30mins hooker says "That was amazing but where does the Indianstyle come in?" The Indian says "I'll pay u next week!!" How do pakis name their baby? If he smiles.. 'Ismail' if he looks like half a Naan...'Ad-naan' If he has 1hair.. 'Iqbal' If he has 1hair on ear.. 'Iqbal khan' If he has 1hair on bum.. 'Ass-if-iqbal' and my favourite one.... If he shakes mom's boobs.. 'Sheikh Mah-Boob'

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Don't spend millions on airport body scanners. Simply hand out bacon sandwiches at the check-in. If they don't eat, they don't fly - simple!
:laugh:
An indian bloke goes to put his wifes death in the local paper, they tell him its £1 a word. He only has £4 so he says to put in, "Sanjit Patel is dead", they take pity on him and tell him he can have another 4 words free, he said , thanks, put in, "Sanjit Patel is dead, SHOP OPEN AS USUAL"
:hysterical::hysterical:

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Two beggars in London, one gets a fiver a day while the other gets a suitcase full of tenners everyday and drives a Merc. Parvinder says to Habib "what is it i'm doing wrong?" Habib replies "its your sign, yours reads i have no work, a wife and six kids to support. Mine reads i only need another tenner to get back to pakistan!" Can u spare just £2? Ranji is a 9yr old boy in Pakistan. He has one leg, one arm and one eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only one pedal. If you send us just £2, we will send you the video ~ its ****ing hilarious!

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Midwife says to Paddy ''your wife has just had triplets'' ''I'm not surprised'' says Paddy ''l've got a **** as big as a chimney'' Midwife replies '' better get it swept then, cos they are all ***in black'' THIS IS VERY CLEVER two Italian men talking on bus . The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following: 'Emma come First. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more! Two asses, They come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one Lasta Time.' The lady can't take this any more, 'You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig.' She retorted indignantly. 'In this country, we don't speak aloud on Public Places about our sex lives.' 'Hey, coola down lady, ' said the man. 'Who talkin'abouta sex? I'm a Justa Tellin my frienda how to spell ' Mississippi',' £10 says you're gonna read this again!

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Midwife says to Paddy ''your wife has just had triplets'' ''I'm not surprised'' says Paddy ''l've got a **** as big as a chimney'' Midwife replies '' better get it swept then, cos they are all ***in black'' THIS IS VERY CLEVER two Italian men talking on bus . The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following: 'Emma come First. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more! Two asses, They come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one Lasta Time.' The lady can't take this any more, 'You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig.' She retorted indignantly. 'In this country, we don't speak aloud on Public Places about our sex lives.' 'Hey, coola down lady, ' said the man. 'Who talkin'abouta sex? I'm a Justa Tellin my frienda how to spell ' Mississippi',' £10 says you're gonna read this again!
ok even the edited version is cheap! :((

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Paddy has broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him. Mick says, "How you doin?" "Paddy says, "Okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing." Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters lying on the bed... He says, "Your dad's sent me up here to have sex with both of you." They say, "Get away with ya.... prove it." Mick shouts downstairs, "Paddy, both of em?" Paddy shouts back, "Of course both of em, what's the point of ****in one?" :haha: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Have more than one Hotmail account? Link them together to easily access both.

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Paddy has broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him. Mick says, "How you doin?" "Paddy says, "Okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing." Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters lying on the bed... He says, "Yo -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Have more than one Hotmail account? Link them together to easily access both.
OMFG fwd .... super lame you have copied the whole email .. including the ad

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Paddy has broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him. Mick says, "How you doin?" "Paddy says, "Okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing." Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters lying on the bed... He says, "Your dad's sent me up here to have sex with both of you." They say, "Get away with ya.... prove it." Mick shouts downstairs, "Paddy, both of em?" Paddy shouts back, "Of course both of em, what's the point of ****in one?" :haha: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Have more than one Hotmail account? Link them together to easily access both.
:hysterical::hysterical:

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Kids know far too much these days , This morning whilst in the doctors waiting room, I saw a little girl playing with her Barbie & Ken dolls immitating the doggy position, I bent down & told her, "You'll end up with little baby dolls if you keep doing that." she replied, "I don't think so, he's doing her up the **** !"

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Kids know far too much these days ' date=' This morning whilst in the doctors waiting room, I saw a little girl playing with her Barbie & Ken dolls immitating the doggy position, I bent down & told her, "You'll end up with little baby dolls if you keep doing that." she replied, "I don't think so, he's doing her up the **** !"[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:

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Kids know far too much these days ' date=' This morning whilst in the doctors waiting room, I saw a little girl playing with her Barbie & Ken dolls immitating the doggy position, I bent down & told her, "You'll end up with little baby dolls if you keep doing that." she replied, "I don't think so, he's doing her up the **** !"[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:

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