Zap_Brannigan Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Here is my motto, If you feel like cheating, then atleat have the decency to break it up with the other person first.No matter what the circumstances are, breaking up is just a call away. I had seen many instances where within the early years of an arranged marriage, the woman does meet someone she genuinely falls in love with. She fights a real lonely emotional/moral battle as to whether end her existing marriage and seek happiness where she sees love, but there are social norms, pressures etc and in some instances very young child or something. I really feel sorry for such women, who at the same time feel trapped by a circumstantial bad choice, and the inability to have their own lives. They will end up being miserable, making their husband miserable and also their lover miserable ( apart from the child). In such situations, it is far better for the woman to make a clean break and not be afraid to start a life with the person they feel they genuinely love. It is also fair to the husbands. But Indian society does not allow for this type of alliances. It might have been so much better in this particular case, if the girl had simply told her husband she is walking out of the marriage, he may not have liked it but he would have taken it in the end. In that case, they shouldn't have got married in the first place. If they wanna trade up, break up first. But in experience, as someone said "women are like monkeys.They never let go off one branch before finding another " is somewhat true. I have known atleast 5 (edited from 3..if i think for a few more minutes,i'll probably find more)women who has cheated on their BF. The guys i know are angels compared to them.
Guest HariSampath Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Some more facts emerging from Amit Budhiraj's suicide note. Rinku and he never had a real physical or emotional relationship from day one of their arranged marriage. Rinku had been to Muscat and on return , had started sleeping in a separate room. She was constantly talking / texting to her presumed lover behind locked doors. Rinku had also told Amit earlier that she would kill him if ever he had an extra marital affair. Amit says he tried to make up with her, and many fights had resulted. He had placed a camera in her room and saw her chatting with her boyfriend, expressing her love etc on March 20th. He says he did not want to divorce her as that would have led to she filing dowry cases against him and his parents. He says he killed her as that was her original punishment for him if ever he had an extra marital affair. The more I see this, I am not feeling that sorry for that girl. I do feel sorry for both as a couple and things could have been done differently, but looks like she has been mean and does have lots of responsibility in this.
Guest HariSampath Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 @ Zap...you must remember that Amit didnt have any personal love relationship with Rinku before, and it was an arranged marriage. ( btw, I do agree that girls are more prone to cheating these days than men, maybe the changing culture of the current generation/ westernisation, whatever)
Zap_Brannigan Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 @ Zap...you must remember that Amit didnt have any personal love relationship with Rinku before, and it was an arranged marriage. ( btw, I do agree that girls are more prone to cheating these days than men, maybe the changing culture of the current generation/ westernisation, whatever) You are talking as if Amit is the only culprit in them not having a personal relationship. Both are equally culpable but if the reports are true, then she takes most of the blame. Girls cheat more cos its easier for them. Most single males would easily sleep with any female with a desire for an affair as they have nothing to lose.
Guest HariSampath Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Men had always been "cheating"..that is multiple partners for ages now..just that they always get their way. In recent times due to liberal society and independence of education and economy, more women are "cheating", resulting in such unfortunate and tragic events like above. I cant see how Amit would have been culpable. Afterall he hasnt cheated , it is only Rinku who had cheated. And that is a huge double standard for someone who had threatened to kill Amit if he ever cheated.
Desi Cartman Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Its just about being in an unstable mental condition. If an American kills or an Indian, the main reason is that the killer was mentally unstable especially when the killer commits suicide after killing. More desis have issues with divorce as its perceived that its much more difficult to get divorced in India. The reasons can be women's financial well being , social reasons and kids. I am sure that the % of women who avoid divorce for the sake of the kids is more in India than Canada or Australia. As for cheating , people have different views on it like some people say if u cheat once its over .. some people say once is ok , some would say cheating is fine ... and some Morons would kill because they assume that their spouse just cheated. Its very easy for us to comment and call the killer in this article an idiot or the wife a slut but there were far too many things happening in their lives and if either one of them had done something about it then 2 lives could have been saved.
Guest HariSampath Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 ^...That exactly is what I am saying dd, they could have simply walked their own ways..maybe cuss each other , he cusses her..." u who.re"...she cusses him " u bastard"...move away and its all over, start life again somewhere. But this way two lives lost and no one gains.
CC1981 Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Both are equally culpable but if the reports are true, then she takes most of the blame. 1. I don't see how you can be distributing culpability based on so few information- if you have actually been in a real relationship in your life, you should know then that there are 1001 factors in succsession that leads to a disconnect of such serious levels....a report hardly does justice to that 2. Even if this is true, why is she culpable for most of the blame ? She got arranged married - how can you EVER hold it against anyone if they can't just 'force' themselves to love a stranger like our dada-daadi did ? They wern't brought up in an era of ignorance and laughably idiotic morals where you sleep with a man/woman you have never met and is supposed to love them. The fact that they were arranged married, leads me to absolve blame towards anyone and cast blame at the system. For what kind of justice is this ? If i get arranged married because of family pressure and then i fail to feel love for this chick, why the F*ck should i punish myself further by trying to be loyal to her ? what exactly will that 'dhong' accomplish ? And ask yourself this- if tomorrow you get married to a total stranger because your parents set up an arranged marriage and 2 months later, she has an extra-marital affair coz she doesn't love you, how the hell can you really blame her ? ( it goes two ways, ie, if the guy doesnt love her either) I mean for fux sake, you guys hardly know each other, let alone 'love' each other!! Girls cheat more cos its easier for them. Most single males would easily sleep with any female with a desire for an affair as they have nothing to lose. Almost bingo, its not because there is nothing to lose, its simply because look at all cultures in the world( save for say severely femenine-repressive culture like arab cultures), its women who pick the guy,unless the guy himself is a hunk/super-cute/super-smart & has a personality etc. In bars the world over, its guys who buy women drinks,not the other way round. And say if you did a study, where 10 girls walked in a bar with the intent of getting laid and 10 guys walked in a bar with the intent of getting laid, which group would have more success and i don't care if the 10 guys/girls are western,indian,african or japanese....its simply the 'rule of the game'- women are the ones who choose the guy in a free atmosphere and therefore, its women who dictate the pace (usually) of cheating/extra-marital affairs,etc.
CC1981 Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I am sure that the % of women who avoid divorce for the sake of the kids is more in India than Canada or Australia. 'For the sake of kids' is just an excuse that both party love to use for potraying a 'higher moral ground'. Simple fact is, divorce is less prevalent in India and Indian women are less prone to divorce is because by and large,the overwhelming majority of desi women are not independent and self-sufficient. They, even if are well educated, are expected to 'stay at home and raise the kids'. So ultimately, it is 'peyt ka maamla', nothing more. If your wife was earning the dough and you were staying at home,completely dependent on her, you too would be far less inclined to divorce her than if you had your own rozi-roti and ability to construct your own independent life.
CC1981 Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Men had always been "cheating"..that is multiple partners for ages now..just that they always get their way. In recent times due to liberal society and independence of education and economy, more women are "cheating", resulting in such unfortunate and tragic events like above. Incorrect, to the absolute. Not only is cheating a far more unisex equation, there is CATEGORIC PROOF, in historic documents of sexually liberated societies (such as the west today, India during the days of pre-Islamic invasions, Celts of the 200BC-1000 AD time period, Japanese of the Shogun era,sub-saharan Africa such as Mali/Ghana empire etc. pre Islam,etc) that women were just as promiscuous as men, if not more. Its only when men have tried to dominate women by trying to force them into unequal relationships,primarily by force of arms(simply coz men are stronger and better adept at war in general), that we see this axiom of 'men usually being the cheaters'. Don't forget that even in your mythologies, arch feminine characters as Kunti or Draupadi are either vaguely or blatently potrayed as having multiple sexual partners. I cant see how Amit would have been culpable. Afterall he hasnt cheated , it is only Rinku who had cheated. And that is a huge double standard for someone who had threatened to kill Amit if he ever cheated. Your comment is absolutely baseless, since you are basing this all off a suicide-note, that cannot be corroborrated either by the author or the victim anymore. for all you know, the suicide note is a blatant attempt of the author to potray himself in a more positive light, which you seem to've bought hook,line and sinker!
Desi Cartman Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I think its pet ka maamla too but yes kids are a very big reason http://ezinearticles.com/?Single-Parenting---A-Valid-Reason-Not-To-Divorce?&id=514543
dash.alokr Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 "....its simply the 'rule of the game'- women are the ones who choose the guy in a free atmosphere and therefore, its women who dictate the pace (usually) of cheating/extra-marital affairs,etc." This is a fact. Also, in today's world, if both husband and wife have independence, they can walk out of a relationship quite easily and most of the cases, it is very easy for the woman to find a partner than the man.
Lurker Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 what the hell is wrong with young married couples ? hitech jobs, extra marital affairs, murder, suicide...this sucks ! I am seeing one such relationship right in my neighbourhood. The wifey is cheating on her hubby with another guy, both of them married. Frankly this doesnt amaze me at all. Today's world is so easy for people to cheat. How much of an effort does it take to send a steamy text message? Or an email? And dont we keep hearing about all these phone video scandals?? The question of course is why do people cheat? The answer(s) will lie in what Bill Clinton said - I cheated because I could. Or if you prefer a desi version then read Khushwant Singh who has always maintained - Given half a chance men and women will cheat so long as they are not caught. xxx
suraj Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I am seeing one such relationship right in my neighbourhood. The wifey is cheating on her hubby with another guy' date=' both of them married. Frankly this doesnt amaze me at all. [b']Today's world is so easy for people to cheat. How much of an effort does it take to send a steamy text message? Or an email? And dont we keep hearing about all these phone video scandals?? The question of course is why do people cheat? The answer(s) will lie in what Bill Clinton said - I cheated because I could. Or if you prefer a desi version then read Khushwant Singh who has always maintained - Given half a chance men and women will cheat so long as they are not caught. xxx This is quite true- add to the text and e-mails stuff like orkut, facebook, myspace etc etc I even know folks who have pretended to be single and gone on dating sites looking for a partner just to satisfy physical desires outside the marriage
Lurker Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 This is quite true- add to the text and e-mails stuff like orkut, facebook, myspace etc etc I even know folks who have pretended to be single and gone on dating sites looking for a partner just to satisfy physical desires outside the marriage Thats becoming very common and I daresay majority of people who have been online for a considerable time have atleast bordeline indulged in something "sinister" that way.
King Tendulkar Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Is that from your desi experience ? Because most people i know here wouldn't kill themselves or their spouse for something as trivial as 'cheating'. The only people, ironically, i know who react that way here are the desis and arabs. . Typical CC. Indians stupid while white people so sensible. Us desis are really disgusting
Predator_05 Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Typical CC. Indians stupid while white people so sensible. Us desis are really disgusting Well, if by 'desis', he means people from the subcontinent in general (and not just Indians) then whatever he is saying is right. Don't muslim families use "honor killings" as punishment for a wife's act of adultery ?
Guest HariSampath Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I am seeing one such relationship right in my neighbourhood. The wifey is cheating on her hubby with another guy' date=' both of them married. Frankly this doesnt amaze me at all. Today's world is so easy for people to cheat. How much of an effort does it take to send a steamy text message? Or an email? And dont we keep hearing about all these phone video scandals?? The question of course is why do people cheat? The answer(s) will lie in what Bill Clinton said - [i']I cheated because I could. Or if you prefer a desi version then read Khushwant Singh who has always maintained - Given half a chance men and women will cheat so long as they are not caught. xxx Just seeing an extramarital affair may not be amazing Lurks, we all would have seen at least one. But can you say the same thing of a resultant murder/suicide ? That is a bit out of normal, even among several broken marriages. It is an extreme thing , I believe.
beetle Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 The man invades other people's privacy for no reason ... Puts a camera in his wife's bedroom..... He is dead and the best his friends have to say about him is that he was an "intelligent Peeping Tom"... The man was obviously not an angel... He leaves a note accusing his wife...pity he didn't let the wife a chance to write one about him. Bloody loser!...didn't value her life!...Didn't value his own! The stupid women paid a heavy price for staying with him...should have left him while she could.
Lurker Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Just seeing an extramarital affair may not be amazing Lurks' date=' we all would have seen at least one. [b']But can you say the same thing of a resultant murder/suicide ? That is a bit out of normal, even among several broken marriages. It is an extreme thing , I believe. Yes that is a bit out there. Depends on the individual isn't it? Many men are happy to flirt with women but go all nuts when their women get flirty. Plus a lot depends on the family. If the family is conservative the in-laws would all go "Log kya kahenge" resulting in unsavory situations. I mean we just dont know the full details here. The only two reasons I can think of are: a) Guy was very possessive(or jealous) b) His family pressure drove him to it. Could be wrong of course.
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