punjabiplaya Posted March 9, 2010 Author Share Posted March 9, 2010 I used to play my guitar & sing to the kids at the nursery. But they sacked me, apparently 'The Muslims on the bus go bang bang bang' isn't an acceptable verse! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sachinism Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 A florist has haircut After the cut he goes to pay. Barber says "Sorry can't accept from u i'm doin community service" Florist is happy and nxt mornin wen da barber goes 2 da shop theres a thank u card and 12 roses.. A policeman goes for haircut. Barber doesn't take money from him either. Nxt mornin theres a thank u card and 12 donuts @ his door.. An paki from the council goes for haircut. Barber says "I can't accept money, im doin community service" Nxt mornin guess wat he finds? . .. 12 PAKIS WAITING 4 A FREE HAIRCUT! Heard this one with Indians instead. Anyways great jokes, keep em coming Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 10, 2010 Author Share Posted March 10, 2010 Husband and Wife out driving, not talking after a row. Passing a farm of donkeys and pigs, Wife asks sarcastically, relatives of yours? Hubby replies, yep, feckin in-laws. . . Locals are said to be in a state of shock after Police found a stash of guns and drugs behind the job centre in Liverpool yesterday. A spokesman for the City said; "the people of Liverpool had no idea they had a job centre". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desi Cartman Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 A Punjabi father' date=' with his educated son went on a camping trip, set-up their tent, and fell asleep. Some hours later father wakes his son and asks "Look up at the sky and tell me what you see" Son "I see millions of stars" Father "And what does that tell you?" Son "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and planets" Father remains silent for a moment, then says "Khothee daya puttra, koi sadda tent chori kar ke ley gaya!"[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laaloo Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 A Paki fed up with the excuses women come out with to avoid sex; "I'm washing my hair" "I'm tired" "I've got a headache" "I'm your sister..." I think I messed up my blind date last night. During the meal she asked "what's your pet hate"? I said, "it doesn't like things shoved up its a**e". I went round my mates house where he showed me a VHS of him and his mates beating up a defenseless PAKI. I couldn't believe it, I was shocked. I mean, who the feck still uses VHS? :giggle: I used to play my guitar & sing to the kids at the nursery. But they sacked me' date=' apparently 'The Muslims on the bus go bang bang bang' isn't an acceptable verse![/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 11, 2010 Author Share Posted March 11, 2010 Hw do u get a fat bird in 2 bed? Piece of cake! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 11, 2010 Author Share Posted March 11, 2010 Every February 14th, men get the chance to display their love and affection for the woman in their life but secretly guys feel left out as there?s no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life - now there is.March 20th is now officially steak, blowjob, and shut the feck up dayIt's a simple, effective and self explanatory holiday - no cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town, just a steak, a blowjob, and a day where women shut the feck up.The word is already spreading but like any new idea it needs a little push to get the ball rolling so spread the word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 12, 2010 Author Share Posted March 12, 2010 A man goes to visit his father who moved into a Care home. ''How are you finding it dad?'' '' Wonderful son! The nurse was giving me a bed bath when I got an erection! She saw it, jumped on the bed, and screwed my brains out!" 2 days later he goes back to visit. ''Things still going well?" He asks. ''No they are not! I fell over this morning and ended up on all fours! The gay, black, male nurse saw this and bummed me to within an inch of my life:" "Well you have to take the rough with the smooth dad!" ''That's fair enough son, but I get an erection once every 3 years, I fall over 4 times a feckin day!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 12, 2010 Author Share Posted March 12, 2010 If u get a call from a charity asking u to donate your old clothes to the starving people of the world tell them to feck off. Anyone who fits your clothes aint starving! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 12, 2010 Author Share Posted March 12, 2010 **** A fella walks up to a bird in a nite club & says "Hi, my names Bond". She says "Don't tell me, it's JAMES". He said "No it's UNI. I'm here to fill yer crack!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 12, 2010 Author Share Posted March 12, 2010 Big gay Matt goes to the doctors to get his test results the doc says i'm sorry Matt but you've got aids. Matt is devasted and ask the doc what to do. The doc says eat 1 sausage 1 head of cabbage 2O jalapeno peppers. 4O walnuts 4O peanuts a half a Box of All bran cereal and top it off with a gallon of prune juice.' Will this cure me'? ask Matt.. No said the doc but it'll give you a better understanding of what your feckin ass is for! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaurav92 Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 ^:hysterical: :hysterical: Keep em coming PunjabiPlaya Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 14, 2010 Author Share Posted March 14, 2010 Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty. The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?' She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.' The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?' She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.' The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.' She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father.' They then parted ways. Some years later they met again. The Father asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?' She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!' The Father asked, 'And tell me , have ye any wee ones yet?' She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Two sets of twins and six singles, ten in all!' The Father said, 'That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?' She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer bloody candle.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 14, 2010 Author Share Posted March 14, 2010 Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women. Mixing the 'Clio' and the 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'. It comes in pink, the average male car thief won't be able to find it let alone turn it on, even if someone tells him where it is. Rumour has it though that it leaks transmission fluid once a month and can be a real bi**ch to start in the morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 14, 2010 Author Share Posted March 14, 2010 My wife said when I was having my c*ck sucked I had to let her know when I was coming. Do you think a text will suffice or should I ring her? By law you can smack children as long as you dont leave a red mark. So to be on the safe side, just hit black Paki kids. I'm thinking of moving to Pakistan and becoming a taxi driver. I mean, there must be a shortage over there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 14, 2010 Author Share Posted March 14, 2010 Seen my mate crying his eyes out outside the doctors yesterday so i asked if he was ok,he said he had the big c. I said cancer? He said no dyslexia A man runs into a pet shop, puts a bomb on the counter and says everyone has 1 minute to get out. A tortoise at the back shouts "you bas***d"!! What ya call 1 paki on the moon . **** man. What ya call 2 pakis on the moon. Double **** man. What ya call 5 pakis on the moon then. A big smell . What ya call all the pakis from every planet world on the moon. A miracle promlem sloved thank god best place for the M/F's ha ha :) Paddy doing a crossword asks mick "flightless bird from iceland, 6 & 7 letters." "****ing easy," says mick. "Frozen chicken." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 14, 2010 Author Share Posted March 14, 2010 Pakistani Shot His Wife On Wedding Night. Why? Because On the label of her Knickers, it read:- "100% Soft n Tight. Tested in Punjab By SINGH & SONS" :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 15, 2010 Author Share Posted March 15, 2010 His & Hers diary page one, monday march 15th. HERS: He was quiet, subdued, just not himself. Something was wrong, He hasn't kissed me all night. Not even looked in my direction. I think it's another woman. I went to bed and cried. He followed me up later. I cuddled up to him and stroked his hair. He lay still. Eventually we made love and fell asleep in each others arms. HIS: royals lost. fekiin gutted. Got a shag though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sachinism Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 A watermelon farmer was determined to scare off the local kids who went into his watermelon patch every night to eat their fill. After some thought, he made a sign that read, “WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS HAS BEEN INJECTED WITH CYANIDE!” He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons. A week later, the farmer was surveying his field. To his satisfaction, no watermelons were missing, but a sign next to his read, “NOW THERE ARE TWO!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaurav92 Posted March 16, 2010 Share Posted March 16, 2010 Sachinism bringing some cool ones too.Keep 'em coming guys :hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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