1983-2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Wife was sure that her husband was having sex with the maid so she laid a trap. One evening, she sent the maid home for weekend & didn't tell her husband. That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story, "Excuse me my dear, my stomach is aching & went to the bathroom." The wife promptly went into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off. He came in silently, he wasted no time on words but quickly started having sex. When he finished, wife said, "You didn't expect me in this bed, did you?" & switched on the light. No Madam, said the Watchman. MORAL: Sometimes getting too smart can get you screwed.
1983-2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 An (Bahraini) Arab was admitted in the Lilavati Hospital at Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case need arises. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn’t be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries. Finally a Gujarati was located who had a similar type of blood. The Gujarati willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati as appreciation for giving his blood, a new Hummer, diamonds, lapiz lazuri jewellery, and a million US dollars. Once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Gujarati who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a thank you card and a jar of Almond halwa sweets. The Gujarati was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the Gujarati’s kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not so generous manner. The Arab replied “Bapu…..now I have Gujju blood in my veins!”
1983-2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 There was once a Gujarati living in USA called Raju Patel, who was involved in a car accident. At the hospital, when he awoke, he called for the nurse to tell him what had happened to him. "I'm very sorry, sir, but you were involved in a very bad car crash." "Car crash! My Porsche! Is my car all right?" he asked hysterically. "Sir, your car was destroyed, but that is the least of your worries - you lost your left arm in the crash, and we were unable to save it," she said apologetically. "I lost my arm? My Rolex! My Rolex!" "Sir, please calm down. That is the least of your worries. You are in a very critical condition, but all your family are here to see you." He asked for his family to be called in. As they gathered around the bed, he called for each of them by name. "Shilpa, are you here?" "I am here husband, and I will never leave you." "Dilip, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you." "Anil, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you." "Priya, my child, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you." "Well," said Raju thoughtfully, "if Shilpa, Dilip, Anil and Priya are here..... WHO THE HELL IS IN THE SHOP?
punjabiplaya Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 I was chatting up a pikey bird in the pub last night, when she asked if I'd like to go back to her place and have a good time. She wasn't fecking kidding. I went on the waltzers, the dodgems, the ghost train. I even came home with a goldfish!
Sachin=GOD Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I have a paki friend that likes to consider himself a bit of a rebel. For example. Last month, he had a bath... :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 I thought I'd commemorate my mother-in-laws funeral by organising a fly past as we were at the grave side.It cost a fortune but the bi-plane and the "Good riddance you fat fecker" banner was worth every penny.
punjabiplaya Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 All men are conned into believing they are marrying nymphomaniacs. The problem is that, after a few years, the nympho leaves, but the maniac doesn't!!
punjabiplaya Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 They say sex is one of the best forms of excercise Now correct me if i'm wrong but two and a half minutes every four months isn't going to shift a fecking beer belly, is it?
punjabiplaya Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer4 £100. Next day the donkey died. Farmer told Paddy "Sorry2 hear about the donkey." Paddy said "No problem,I'll have me money back" The farmer said, "I've spent it." Paddy said "Ok then, I'll raffle him off." Farmer said "u cant raffle a dead donkey!" Paddy said "Watch me. I just wont tell anybody he's dead." A month later, the farmer met Paddy &asked "What happened2 the dead donkey?" Paddy said "I raffled him. I sold 500 tickets at £2 a piece and made a profit of £998" The farmer said "Didn't any1 complain?" Paddy said "Just the cu*t that won, so I gave him his £2 back"
punjabiplaya Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 When i was 14 my dad caught me smoking. He made me smoke the whole pack. Wish he'd caught me fecking a girl guide
punjabiplaya Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 I get all the best women at swingers parties.???That Ferrari keyring was the best A£1.50 I've ever spent
punjabiplaya Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 DRINKING WARNING JUST RELEASED: Vodka and ice will ruin your kidneys. Rum and ice will ruin your liver. Whiskey and ice will ruin your heart. Gin and ice will ruin your brain. Pepsi and ice will ruin your teeth......Apparently ice is lethal!!! Warn all your friends: Lay off the ice ~ Just drink it straight!! Please forward on immediately. You could save a life!!! And don't forget it also sank the Titanic!!!
punjabiplaya Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 Girl: Doctor,mere boobs bohot chotay hain,kuch karo! Doctor:aap ko mere pas roz ana hoga. Main inko choos choos k bara kar doon ga. Girl: ok, i will bring my husband with me, unki Lulli bhi bohot choti hai....:giggle:
punjabiplaya Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 My son asked me today what's the difference between a crow and a blackbird. I told him crows have somewhat heavier beaks, fan shaped tails and live on insects. A blackbird has big rubbery lips, fuzzy hair, a massive ar*e and lives on benefits
punjabiplaya Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 A man and his wife are fighting a divorce case in court. The issue is who should get custody of the child. The wife said: Your Honor, I brought this child into this world with all the pain and labor. The child should be in my custody." The Judge then asked to the husband: What do you have to say in your defense?The man think for a while and says: Your Honor, if I put a dollar in a Pepsi vending machine and a Pepsi comes out. Whose Pepsi is it? The machines or mine? :winky:
punjabiplaya Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 I was stumbling down the road after a skinful after work when a police car pulled up beside me. 'What are you up to?' asked the policeman. 'I'm off to the Paki shop to abuse the cu*t and give him a slap,' I slurred. 'Talk like that gets you a ride in this cop car lad. So get in the back now... he shuts in five minutes and you won't make it on time on foot.' :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 A little girl runs crying to her dad & asks for a glass of cider. "What do you want a glass of cider for?" he asks. "I've pri*ked my finger on a thorn", she cries. "So why the cider?" he asks. She replies, "Yesterday I heard mummy tell Auntie Sue that whenever she gets a pr*ck in her hand she feels a lot better once it's in cider".
punjabiplaya Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 Paul McCartney's finding it hard to adapt to his new wife. When she asks for a foot rub he still keeps reaching for the sandpaper.
Laaloo Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I was stumbling down the road after a skinful after work when a police car pulled up beside me. 'What are you up to?' asked the policeman. 'I'm off to the Paki shop to abuse the cu*t and give him a slap,' I slurred. 'Talk like that gets you a ride in this cop car lad. So get in the back now... he shuts in five minutes and you won't make it on time on foot.' :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Stuge Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I was stumbling down the road after a skinful after work when a police car pulled up beside me. 'What are you up to?' asked the policeman. 'I'm off to the Paki shop to abuse the cu*t and give him a slap,' I slurred. 'Talk like that gets you a ride in this cop car lad. So get in the back now... he shuts in five minutes and you won't make it on time on foot.' :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical:
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