punjabiplaya Posted October 31, 2011 Author Posted October 31, 2011 There's a few boy bands doing reunion tours lately i didnt get to see take that at wembley nor did i get to see west life at 02 but i did see five at stamford bridge
Laaloo Posted October 31, 2011 Posted October 31, 2011 Don't forget to alter your clocks this week end. I'm putting mine back to 1945 when we had no fecking pakis' date=' football playing nig*ers, in britain. Regards. John terry.[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:B->B->
punjabiplaya Posted November 4, 2011 Author Posted November 4, 2011 Two Irish builders (Patrick and Seamus) are seated either side of a table in a pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit Pat: - I reckon he's an accountant. Seamus: - No way - he's a stockbroker. Pat: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here! The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Pat and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of him. Pat: - 'Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living? Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession Pat: - Oh? What's that then? Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ..... Do you have a goldfish at home? Pat: - Er ... mmm ........ well yeah, I do as it happens! Suit: - Well, it's logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it? Pat: - It's in a pond! Suit: - Well it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then? Pat: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden. Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that, in this town, if you have a large garden then you have a large house? Pat: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house ....... built it myself! Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it's logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married? And with a family? Pat: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four children. Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis? Pat: - Yep! Five times a week! Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you don't masturbate very often? Pat: - Do what? Not me, mate! Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work! Pat: - How's that then? Suit: - Well from finding out you had a goldfish ,ive told you about your sex life! pat:..i see!thats pretty impressive...thanks mate..both leave the toilet and pat returns to his mate. seamus:i see the suit was in there.did you ask what he does? pat:...yep!hes a logical scientist! seamus:whats that then? pat:ill try to explain.do you have a goldfish? seamus:nope pat:well your a wan*er
punjabiplaya Posted November 7, 2011 Author Posted November 7, 2011 "I can't fecking believe it," I screamed, running into the delivery suite. "The baby has come out black." "I know," she said, laying in her hospital bed. "You dirty fecking sl*g!" I shouted." "I'm not having you talk to me like this," she said. "Get out!" "Talk to you like this?" I yelled. "You've been shag*ing a nig*er!" I looked at the midwife and said, "I honestly can't believe it." She said, "Are you the boyfriend or husband?" I said, "Neither, I don't know her, but it just winds me up when I see a pretty white girl like that getting knocked up by a nig*a." :hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted November 7, 2011 Author Posted November 7, 2011 In school, we had an assembly on bullying. The teacher spoke about a young gay boy, being bullied because of his sexuality. She spoke in length about his life, and the verbal abuse he suffers. She then asked a question, 'How do you think he takes it?' Apparently, 'Up the ar*e!' wasn't a suitable answer
punjabiplaya Posted November 7, 2011 Author Posted November 7, 2011 I got kicked off 'The Weakest Link' when Anne Robinson asked me, "Why have you chosen Asif"? Apparently, "Because he is a fecking Paki," is not a suitable answer. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Sid Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 In school, we had an assembly on bullying. The teacher spoke about a young gay boy, being bullied because of his sexuality. She spoke in length about his life, and the verbal abuse he suffers. She then asked a question, 'How do you think he takes it?' Apparently, 'Up the ar*e!' wasn't a suitable answer I got kicked off 'The Weakest Link' when Anne Robinson asked me, "Why have you chosen Asif"? Apparently, "Because he is a fecking Paki," is not a suitable answer. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted November 8, 2011 Author Posted November 8, 2011 What's the difference between marriage and prison? in prison you actually have a sex life
punjabiplaya Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 I was in Starbucks recently and realised I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud so I timed my fart with the beat of the music After a couple of songs I started to feel better I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me! And suddenly I remembered I was listening to my iPod ....... :giggle:
punjabiplaya Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 My wife told me to get our ginger son ready for his first day at school. So I punched him in the face and stole his dinner money." :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 Paddy has just answered his 2nd question right on who wants to be a millionaire and is now on 200 quid. 3rd question, who's the great train robber, a.Ronnie Biggs. B. Ronnie Barker. C. Ronnie Corbett. D. Ronnie Wood. Paddy says ''well Chris, i've had a lovely time and i'm going to take the money.'' Chris says ''are you mad? You have all your lifelines left.'' Paddy says, '' i might be stupid, but i'm no fecking grass :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 John Terry statement to FA: I categorically deny allegations that I am a racist. Racism is a crime and crime is committed by black people.
punjabiplaya Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 My mate reckons he always cries after sex. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mind you, he is in prison.
punjabiplaya Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 At an England training session, John Terry gets the ball and dribbles round Ashley Cole, Wellbeck, Ashley Young, Ferdinand and Richards. Fabio Capello shakes his head and shouts: "Cones, John. I said go round the fecking Cones".
punjabiplaya Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 A teacher informs the class that they are doing famous quotations and asks who said kiss me hardy. Quick as a flash a black put his hand up and says. Lord nelson. Battle of trafalger 1805. A white kid shouts out you black cu*t. Who said that asks the teacher quick as a flash the kid puts his hand up and says. John terry loftus road 2011
punjabiplaya Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 A report out today says 40% of men over 40 suffer from erection problems! Looking at 40% of women over 40, it's not fecking difficult too see why....!
punjabiplaya Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 Tributes have been pouring in for boxing hero Joe Frazier.... John Terry said "the black cu*t was a legend
punjabiplaya Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 Dr. Conrad Murray displayed no emotion as he was convicted of involuntary manslaughter. Wow, what a Smooth Criminal
punjabiplaya Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 A doctor had his students in an anatomy class where they were dissecting a body. The doctor said "rule 1; don't be repulsed by anything in the human body." So he stuck his finger up the corpse's ar*e, pulled it out and sucked it! He told the students to do the same. After hesitating, they stuck their finger up and sucked it! The doctor then said "I used my middle finger and sucked my thumb. rule 2 fecking pay attention!"
Recommended Posts