punjabiplaya Posted November 25, 2011 Author Posted November 25, 2011 The top seller in the Arsenal FC gift shop this christmas is the Robin Van Persie tea tray, guaranteed to carry 10 mugs!!! :hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted November 25, 2011 Author Posted November 25, 2011 I phoned the police the other day. "What's your emergency?" they asked I said "There's two girls fighting over me." "Ok" she paused "Well what's the problem?" "The fat one's winning."
punjabiplaya Posted November 25, 2011 Author Posted November 25, 2011 I shared my concerns about my daughter with my neighbour "She dresses like a sl*t and she's getting stoned." "You're doing the right thing" said amir
punjabiplaya Posted November 27, 2011 Author Posted November 27, 2011 I dont understand the hype around Carlsberg supposedly being the best lager in the world. I found a can on a wall this morning and it tasted like fecking pi*s!
punjabiplaya Posted November 27, 2011 Author Posted November 27, 2011 How do you know when you've crossed the border into Wales? Speed is limited to 42.
punjabiplaya Posted November 27, 2011 Author Posted November 27, 2011 While working at the samaritans I got a call from a bloke who said he was going to end it all. He was going to pour a gallon of petrol over him and light a match. I told him "Ahmed its times like these you need your family round you". :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
phaedrus Posted November 27, 2011 Posted November 27, 2011 I took my son out for his first pint. Brought him a Fosters' date='he didn't like it so I had it. Then I brought him a Carlsberg,he didn't like that either. Same with Guinness and Cider. By the time we got to the Jack Daniel's I could hardly push his pram.[/quote'] :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted December 4, 2011 Author Posted December 4, 2011 What has two wings and a halo? A Chinese telephone
punjabiplaya Posted December 4, 2011 Author Posted December 4, 2011 People can be so easy to read. Like if their face is red, they're embarrassed. Or if their skin is black, they're about to commit a crime
punjabiplaya Posted December 4, 2011 Author Posted December 4, 2011 My Girlfriend wants a white wedding. That's fine by me. I didn't want to invite any Blacks or Pakis anyway
punjabiplaya Posted December 4, 2011 Author Posted December 4, 2011 Six Polish men were arrested in Bradford last night for beating the **** out of a group of Pakis. I don't know, they come over here and take all the best fecking jobs
Laaloo Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 Six Polish men were arrested in Bradford last night for beating the **** out of a group of Pakis. I don't know, they come over here and take all the best fecking jobs :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
surajmal Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 what do you call a chinese animal shelter? A restaurant.
Utalk Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 Sardar to a Pathan. Khan Sahab ye bakra kyun zabah kar rahe ho? Pathan. Yaar manat mangi thi. Sardar. Kis Baat ki? Pathan. Woh hamara murghi ghum ho gya tha. Hum ne mannat manga ke agar murghi mil jaaye toh bakra qurban karay ga. Aaj hamara murghi mil gya humko.
Laaloo Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 On a condom dispensing machine, it was written "Very Safe - Strictly made as per High British standards". Someone added below- " So was the Titanic, but It leaked...
J P K Posted December 10, 2011 Posted December 10, 2011 One morning at a doctor's surgery a patient arrives complaining of Serious back pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?" The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him,That's how I strained my back" The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said "My previous patient was looked bad, but you look terrible.What the hell happened to you?" He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge." The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.....?" "Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"
punjabiplaya Posted December 11, 2011 Author Posted December 11, 2011 I love this time of year. You can slam your laptop shut when your girlfriend walks into the room and you don't get any disgusted looks.
punjabiplaya Posted December 11, 2011 Author Posted December 11, 2011 A Chinese guy goes to a Jew to buy black bras, size 38FF. The Jew, renowned for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them. The Chinese guy buys 25. He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty. The Jew tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each. The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the Jew's remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each. The Jew is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38FF bras and asks the Chinese guy, "...please tell me - What do you do with all these black bras?" The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell them as skull caps to you Jews for $200.00 each."
punjabiplaya Posted December 11, 2011 Author Posted December 11, 2011 I got chatting to this hot girl last night. 'You must have some points on your license,' I said. 'Aww because I've got 'fine' written all over me?' she winked. 'Well no ... because you're a woman.'
gogetlost Posted December 11, 2011 Posted December 11, 2011 A Chinese guy goes to a Jew to buy black bras, size 38FF. The Jew, renowned for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them. The Chinese guy buys 25. He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty. The Jew tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each. The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the Jew's remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each. The Jew is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38FF bras and asks the Chinese guy, "...please tell me - What do you do with all these black bras?" The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell them as skull caps to you Jews for $200.00 each." LOL Punjabi dude. :D Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk
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