1983-2011 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 What's the difference between a Lesbian in a porno and a real life one? About 12 stone.
punjabiplaya Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 Man Utd dressing room b4 KO on Monday. 'Right lads we should've had this title wrapped up but we've been sloppy. We can't let these blue c**ts snatch it now because they'll never let us live it down. They stung us on the Munich anniversary & stuffed us 6-1. I don't care what you do punch, elbow, push, pull, kick or dive get the feck out there & get it done!' At this point Ferguson steps in 'Cheers ref I'll take it from here!'. :hysterical :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 Considering we've had a footballer, a marathon runner and now an Olympic swimmer suffer from heart attacks...... being a fat fecker is starting to look like the healthy option for me.
punjabiplaya Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 I can't believe my best mate, Gavin, has died of severe heartburn. Gav is gone.
punjabiplaya Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 A Pakistani goes to the Doctors... Doctor looks him over and says, "Here, take this twice a day with plenty of water." Paki says, "What is it?" Doctor says,"Shower gel!" :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Desi Cartman Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 A Pakistani goes to the Doctors... Doctor looks him over and says, "Here, take this twice a day with plenty of water." Paki says, "What is it?" Doctor says,"Shower gel!" :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
1983-2011 Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted all the time. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor gets around to asking her how often she has sex. "Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday," she says. The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday. "I can't," says the woman. "That's the only night I'm home with my husband."
1983-2011 Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 A man walks into a sperm bank and declares, "I'm of royal blood and an I.Q of 165, I'd like to make a donation". The nurse gives him a sealed cup and directs him to a provate room. 20 minutes later the man hasn't come out, the nurse knocks on the door. "Is there a problem?" "I'm so embarrassed, I used my right hand. I used my left hand. I poured cold water on it and hot water on it. Could you help me?" The nurse replied, "I don't usually do this but you are kinda cute..." She gets on her knees and begins to blow him. "I really appreciate this, but I need help getting the cap off the jar!"
1983-2011 Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 Bobby wants to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else.... One day, Bobby got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, " I'll give you a $100 if you let me screw you. But the girl said NO. Bobby said "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up." She thougth for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down." So she agrees and accept the proposal. Half and hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and ask what happened.? She responded, "The bastard used coins!" Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!
1983-2011 Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 A man & his wife agreed that any time they wanted to make love they would call it a ''PHONE CALL'' One day the husband send his son to tell his mother that he wanted a ''phone call'..... Mom replied tell daddy she doesn't have network... Husband: Tell your mother if there is no network I will go to public phone... Mother: Tell your dad if he dares to go 2 public phone i will open call centre at home!
1983-2011 Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 Introducing T20 Format In Exams- Reduce Exam Time By 1 Hr & Marks By 50 Introduce Breaks After Each 15 Mins 1st 30 Mins Power Play No Teacher In D Class Cheer Girls In Every Class They'll Dance When We Take Additional Sheets...
1983-2011 Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 BCCI REFUSES VIRGIN AIRLINE SPONSORSHIP Billionaire Virgin business group boss Richard Branson has offered to sponsor the Indian cricket team currently reeling after a string of tournament defeats. However, the Board of Control for Cricket of India (BCCI) has politely refused the generous multi-million-pound offer by the cricket-mad magnate. As one of the Board official snapped: "We can't have VIRGIN written on our shirts, when we're getting screwed in every match"!
punjabiplaya Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 I was wondering through this airport thinking "What the hell am I doing in Pakistan?" And then I heard "Welcome to London Heatrow... :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 The other day in Pakistan, a 42-year-old man married a 14-year-old girl. Apparently, the marriage caused a huge controversy in Pakistan because they're not even related :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 At the shopping centre the other day, eating at the food court, an old man sat watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours: green, red, orange and blue. The old man's stare never faltered. The teenager would look and every time he did so, he found the old man's eyes fixed on him. Eventually, the teenager had had enough and he asked sarcastically, "What's the matter with you old man - never done anything wild in your life?" The old man did not bat an eye in his response. "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock" he said. "I was just wondering if you were my son."
1983-2011 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I have a real habit of acting out the names of any towns that I visit. For example, when I went to Poole, I went swimming. When I went to Rugby, I played Rugby. When I went to Bath, I took a bath. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I need bailing out of Blackburn police station.
1983-2011 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I came home from the pub four hours late last night. "Where the **** have you been?" screamed my wife. I said, "I've been playing poker with some blokes." "Playing poker with some blokes?" she repeated. "Well, you can pack your bags and go!" "So can you" I said, "This isn't our house anymore."
1983-2011 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading. The man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." His wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep." The man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
1983-2011 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
Lord Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 At the shopping centre the other day, eating at the food court, an old man sat watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours: green, red, orange and blue. The old man's stare never faltered. The teenager would look and every time he did so, he found the old man's eyes fixed on him. Eventually, the teenager had had enough and he asked sarcastically, "What's the matter with you old man - never done anything wild in your life?" The old man did not bat an eye in his response. "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock" he said. "I was just wondering if you were my son." :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
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