adi B Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Teacher to class: "Children' date=' we are all descendants of Adam and Eve" Pupil: "But Miss, my mummy & daddy said we came from the apes." Teacher: "Stay out of this one Leroy, I'm not talking about your lot."[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 I failed my driving test today. The examiner asked, "What do you do when you see a red light?" I said, "Pull over and pay for a blowjob." :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted July 29, 2012 Author Posted July 29, 2012 The Liverpool manager flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play football, is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Anfield. Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Man Utd with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool . The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football. 'Hello mum, guess what?' he says 'I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me.' 'Wonderful,' says his mum, 'Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time.' The young lad is very upset. 'What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry.' 'Sorry?!?! Sorry?!?!' says his mum, 'It's your fault we moved to Liverpool in the first place !!!!!'
Old guy Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 @ punjabi playa ur inbox is full cant send reply :D anyway awesome thread this and no electricity here from mid night yesterday :((
punjabiplaya Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 My girl friend came home drunk yesterday- as she was undressing she stumbled, fell over & passed out. Knickers round ankles & fanny on show. I thought "No way am I gonna miss an opportunity like this !" So I went to the pub with the lads.
punjabiplaya Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 Just been thrown out of the chemist! I only asked the woman behind the counter "do you take it up the a~*se love, or do you swallow it"? She went mental. Feck knows what i do with these suppositories now?!?
punjabiplaya Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 4 guju friends meet 30 years after school. One goes to the toilet while the other 3 start to talk about how successful their sons became. Mr Shah says his son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich he gave his best friend a ferrari. Mr Mehta said his son became a pilot, started his own airline, became so rich he gave his best friend a jet. Mr Ram said his son became an engineer, started his own development company, became so rich he build his best friend a castle. Mr Patel came back from toilet and asks what the buzz is about. They told him they were talking about how successfull their sons became and ask him about his son. He said his son is gay and is a stripper at a gay bar. Other 3 said he must be very disappointed with his son for not becoming successful. O no said the father, he is doing good. Last week was his birthday and he got a ferrari, a jet and a castle from 3 of his boyfriends....
punjabiplaya Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 Las Vegas and Barnsley don't have much in common, except they are the only 2 places on earth you can pay for sex with chips.
punjabiplaya Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 My pal at the hospital lab has just analysed cheryl coles' smear test. He said the results were as expected....fecking delicious!
punjabiplaya Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 If the Olympics has taught me anything its that China may have a population of over 1 billion........ But they only have two hair cuts
Desi Cartman Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 If the Olympics has taught me anything its that China may have a population of over 1 billion........ But they only have two hair cuts :hysterical:
Old guy Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 If the Olympics has taught me anything its that China may have a population of over 1 billion........ But they only have two hair cuts epic :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Crookbond Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 If the Olympics has taught me anything its that China may have a population of over 1 billion........ But they only have two hair cuts :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical:
J P K Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 If the Olympics has taught me anything its that China may have a population of over 1 billion........ But they only have two hair cuts :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted August 1, 2012 Author Posted August 1, 2012 Despite having never seen a dartboard, let alone thrown a dart, Abdul decided to join our team in order to 'integrate into British society'. "OK, what do I have to do"? he asked excitedly on his first visit to the pub. "As it's your first game" I replied "we've decided to put you in goal"
punjabiplaya Posted August 1, 2012 Author Posted August 1, 2012 3 reasons,why punjabis could never be terrorists and hijack a plane.1) They are never on time, so probably miss the bloody flight 2) They will talk so loudly that everyone around will know of the plan before boarding and 3)With free drinks on the plane they will forget why they were there in the first place.=D
punjabiplaya Posted August 1, 2012 Author Posted August 1, 2012 Took a girl home after clubbing last night. After a few drinks at mine, we went upstairs & while we were taking our clothes off a voice came from the bed and said "I hope thats not that fat bit*h from last week". The girl said "What the feck was that?" "I said its that bast*rd memory foam mattress"
punjabiplaya Posted August 1, 2012 Author Posted August 1, 2012 As a way of apology to North Korea for displaying the South Korean flag at olympic football, the team will be treated to an all you can eat buffet at Battersea dogs home. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted August 1, 2012 Author Posted August 1, 2012 The Chinese have really impressed me this Olympics. They've used the same person in every event...
punjabiplaya Posted August 1, 2012 Author Posted August 1, 2012 I took a Jewish girl back to my place last night. As she knelt down in front of me, unzipped my jeans and pulled out my co*k, she looked up and said, "You fecking liar, you told me that a blow job would be impossible as it was too big?" "I was talking about your nose."
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