Debutant Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Last night I was talking to a young, good looking woman. She asked me if I like breasts or legs. I told her what I really liked, was a nice shaved snatch. Apparently I'm not welcome in KFC anymore. :haha:
adi B Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 My wife packed my bags today after finding out that I had a one night stand with another woman. "I want you to go!" she screamed. I said, "Please can we just talk about it first?" "Go on, I'm listening." she replied. I sat down and said, "It was the most amazing experience of my entire life :hysterical: oh god!! :hysterical::hysterical:
adi B Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 The wife caught me w*nking and said "Who are you thinking about when you feel the need to do THAT?" I lied and said "Jennifer Aniston" Now she hates Jennifer Aniston. I guess it's better than her hating her 18 year old sister :cantstop:
adi B Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Two Liverpool fans go to Amsterdam on holiday. They go to the first brothel they see and ask the madam if they have a fat bird with ginger hair' date='no teeth,a heroin habit and a fanny like a vandalised bus seat. The madam says"my you two are kinky eh?" they both reply "no love were just looking for our sister"!![/quote'] :haha: feckin scousers
adi B Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 A girl I know said the last time she had sex it was like the 100m final, I said over in 9 seconds? She said " no, eight black men and a gun" :hysterical: :cantstop:
adi B Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 After 10 years, my wife finally swallowed my cum "What does it taste like" I asked "Probably be better if it was fresh" she replied :cantstop:
ExpressPace Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 A British man has been thrown out of Pakistan, for testing positive for 4 banned substances ... Toothpaste, Deodorant, Soap & Shampoo. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Add a hair cut of privates and pits and jokes goes back on punjab :giggle:
SLICKR392 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Last night I was talking to a young, good looking woman. She asked me if I like breasts or legs. I told her what I really liked, was a nice shaved snatch. Apparently I'm not welcome in KFC anymore.
punjabiplaya Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 I went to the doctor. "I'm worried Doc. I've had intense diarrhea for most of my life. So did my dad, and so did his dad." "Hmmm," pondered the doctor. "Runs in the family, eh?"
punjabiplaya Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles? He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 Sad Easter news. A worker at Nestle was killed today when two 500kg boxes of white chocolate fell on him. He tried to alert colleagues by shouting "The Milky Bars are on me" but everyone just cheered.
punjabiplaya Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 Paddy found a note stuck on his door from his saucy blonde neighbour earlier, saying "I want you to come round tonight and feck me stupid", Paddy says she can pi*s off, Nobody calls me names then asks for a favour.
punjabiplaya Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 Where does a black man keep his money? In your old wallet
punjabiplaya Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 I remember when. PUSSY meant a CAT SEX meant GENDER BI**H was a FEMALE DOG DICK was a NAME BANG was a SOUND RUBBER was an ERASER ASS was an ANIMAL SCREW was just a TOOL HEAD meant a part of BODY BALLS meant a round TOY NUTS meant DRY FRUIT 69 was just a NUMBER & Then . . . I Came Across A few Dirty Bast*rds & My Education Got Ruined.
punjabiplaya Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 When I found out that my mother-in-law suffered from flatulence, I asked her what foods she couldn't eat. Just so that when she came round for dinner, I could give her loads.
punjabiplaya Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 My wife's mother turned up today, while she was out. So I stayed in the kitchen out the way, while she waited. My son came running in and said, "Dad, it's Gran, I think she's dead. I've rung for an ambulance." I said, "Quick get me my phone and my wallet, then go and find your mother." He said, "Are you going to the hospital with her?" I said, "No, the pub to celebrate."
Crookbond Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 A new vacuum salesman knocked at the door. . A lady opened it. Before she could speak, . the salesman rushed into the living room and emptied a bag of cow **** on the carpet. . Salesman: Madam, if I couldn't clean this up in nxt 3 mins with my new powerful vacuum cleaner, i'll EAT all this ****! . Lady: Do u need Chilli Sauce with that? . Salesman: why Madam? . Lady: Because there's no electricity in the house. .
punjabiplaya Posted April 14, 2013 Author Posted April 14, 2013 I had my haircut today. The barber asked "Would you like anything on it?" I said "A pair of knickers please, you've made me look a right c**t
punjabiplaya Posted April 14, 2013 Author Posted April 14, 2013 I got really concerned when I heard the Iron Lady had died of a stroke. Thankfully, my wife is alright and my clothes will remain crease free.
punjabiplaya Posted April 14, 2013 Author Posted April 14, 2013 A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. 'Are you the friar?' he asks. 'No. I'm the chip monk,' he replies.
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