cricketman200 Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 A blind man went to a restaurant. "Menu sir?" Asked the owner. "Im blind. Just bring me one of your dirty forks. I will smell it & order." The confused owner got a fork. The blind man smelt the fork with a deep breath. "Yes' date=' i will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring veg." Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate & left. 2 weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to see how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Lucy was cooking. He said, "do me a favour and rub this fork over your p***y!", which she does! He then goes to the blindman & gives him the fork. The blind man takes it, puts it to his nose and says, "feck me, i never knew Lucy worked here!"[/quote'] :hysterical:
cricketman200 Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Went to the doctors for the first time in ages the other day. It was a new female doctor' date=' she was young and drop dead gorgeous. I groaned, oh no, I'm so embarrassed. She said don't worry I'm a professional, I've seen it all, just tell me what's wrong and i will help you in any way i can. . I said I think my c*ck tastes funny.[/quote'] :hysterical:
cricketman200 Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 A hen lays an egg on India-Pakistan border... Both countries start fighting for the egg... Finally india suggests.. Who ever ****s more women in the other country in 24hrs wins the egg...pakis agree... India go to pakistan.. **** 150000 women & come back... Pakis are excited... They shout...Our Turn.. India says..**** off... Keep the Egg... ******************* Man drivin down road. Woman drivin up same road.They pass each other.Man shouts out window ****IN BIG FAT COW Woman yells out window ****IN ******! Woman turns round corner crashes into a huge cow and dies. Moral of the story? If only women would ****in listen I rang the Samaritans last night. As is the trend these days I was put through to their call centre in Pakistan! I told them I was feeling suicidal.... The Bastards got excited and asked if I could fly a plane! :haha:
cricketman200 Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 A young girl sees her father in the shower and asks what his testicles are. "Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life' date='" he tells her, by way of poetic concealment. She tells this to her mother, who replies, "Did he say anything about that dead branch they're hanging on?"[/quote'] :haha:
gaurav92 Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 ^:WTF: is all this Cricketman200, this is ridiculous mate, don't spam here, you can be B& for this :nervous:
punjabiplaya Posted April 26, 2010 Author Posted April 26, 2010 Theres a new sex position in the Karma Sutra called "The Plumber". Both of you stay in all day, and no fecker cums ...
punjabiplaya Posted April 26, 2010 Author Posted April 26, 2010 Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely. When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, 'What a beautiful baby..' The mother said, 'Why, thank you, Johnnie. Johnnie said, 'He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see alright?' 'Yes', the mother replied, 'we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.' 'That's great', said Little Johnnie,'coz he'd be fecked if he needed glasses'. :hysterical:
Laaloo Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely. When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, 'What a beautiful baby..' The mother said, 'Why, thank you, Johnnie. Johnnie said, 'He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see alright?' 'Yes', the mother replied, 'we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.' 'That's great', said Little Johnnie,'coz he'd be fecked if he needed glasses'. :hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted April 26, 2010 Author Posted April 26, 2010 A bloke notices a woman giving him the eye in the supermarket. 'Do I know u?' he asks. she says 'Aren't u the dad of 1 of my kids?' He thinks back to the only time he's ever been unfaithful and says 'were u the hooker I fecked over the pool table at my stag do while ur mate spanked me with a piece of wet celery while shoving that massive cucumber up my a*se?' she stares at him and says 'No, you sick tw*t I'm your daughter's teacher!'
DomainK Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely. When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, 'What a beautiful baby..' The mother said, 'Why, thank you, Johnnie. Johnnie said, 'He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see alright?' 'Yes', the mother replied, 'we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.' 'That's great', said Little Johnnie,'coz he'd be fecked if he needed glasses'. :hysterical: A bloke notices a woman giving him the eye in the supermarket. 'Do I know u?' he asks. she says 'Aren't u the dad of 1 of my kids?' He thinks back to the only time he's ever been unfaithful and says 'were u the hooker I fecked over the pool table at my stag do while ur mate spanked me with a piece of wet celery while shoving that massive cucumber up my a*se?' she stares at him and says 'No' date=' you sick tw*t I'm your daughter's teacher!'[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
gaurav92 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely. When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, 'What a beautiful baby..' The mother said, 'Why, thank you, Johnnie. Johnnie said, 'He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see alright?' 'Yes', the mother replied, 'we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.' 'That's great', said Little Johnnie,'coz he'd be fecked if he needed glasses'. :hysterical: A bloke notices a woman giving him the eye in the supermarket. 'Do I know u?' he asks. she says 'Aren't u the dad of 1 of my kids?' He thinks back to the only time he's ever been unfaithful and says 'were u the hooker I fecked over the pool table at my stag do while ur mate spanked me with a piece of wet celery while shoving that massive cucumber up my a*se?' she stares at him and says 'No' date=' you sick tw*t I'm your daughter's teacher!'[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
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