punjabiplaya Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 A woman is given a hospital tour. She looks in a room, sees a man w*nking. "That's awful" she says to the Doctor. He explains that the man has a incurable condition and that his testicles fill with semen so fast he has to do it at least 5 times a day or he will be in awful pain. "Poor man" says the woman. In the next room a nurse is sucking a mans c*ck. "Explain that?" she says to the Doctor. The Doctor says "Same condition but he's with BUPA"
Jadoo Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 White guy bounces into his Doc's & says 'Wa gwaan fam' date=' u gotta elp me out blood ive tried but I cant stop actin like im black' Doc puts 2 lines of white powder on his desk & tells da man to snort it up. He does & Imediately jumps up and says feckin e'll Doc dat gears sorted me rite out wat was dat sh*t cocaine? Doc replies No, it's Daz, guaranteed to keep Whites... Whiter!;)[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Wicked bloood!!!!!
punjabiplaya Posted May 5, 2010 Author Posted May 5, 2010 I saw my mate today, he's only got 1 arm bless him. I shouted, "Where u off to?" "to change a light bulb" he said. "That's going to be awkward isn't it?" "Not really" he said, "I've still got the feckin receipt, u sarcastic tw*t!!!".
Guest Gunner Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I saw a fat paki bird in the pub the other night' date=' I said 'excuse me love, me and my mate wana give you ONE' She said 'how dare you, I wouldn't go anywhere near you' I said 'i wouldn't go near you either. I was giving you a "Mark out of Ten" ya fat kothi'[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Gunner_Mania Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I saw a fat paki bird in the pub the other night' date=' I said 'excuse me love, me and my mate wana give you ONE' She said 'how dare you, I wouldn't go anywhere near you' I said 'i wouldn't go near you either. I was giving you a "Mark out of Ten" ya fat kothi'[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Jadoo Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I saw a fat paki bird in the pub the other night' date=' I said 'excuse me love, me and my mate wana give you ONE' She said 'how dare you, I wouldn't go anywhere near you' I said 'i wouldn't go near you either. I was giving you a "Mark out of Ten" ya fat kothi'[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Karan114 Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I saw a fat paki bird in the pub the other night' date=' I said 'excuse me love, me and my mate wana give you ONE' She said 'how dare you, I wouldn't go anywhere near you' I said 'i wouldn't go near you either. I was giving you a "Mark out of Ten" ya fat kothi'[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted May 6, 2010 Author Posted May 6, 2010 Hi Kabira sorry should have realised those outside of the uk dont know bupa, BUPA is the biggest and most famous expensive private health care in the uk,was only used by the rich and famous many years ago,but private health care is the best you can get treatment within hours or days as long as you pay for it or have the insurance,the nhs uks free national health service although stretched and needs improving is still fantastic as its free to all! damm enough seriousness from me im posting some jokes lol!!
punjabiplaya Posted May 6, 2010 Author Posted May 6, 2010 ADVICE for the guys 5 words women use: 1. FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up 2. FIVE MINUTES If shes getting dressed this means half an hour 3. NOTHING This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with NOTHING usually end in FINE! 4. GO AHEAD This is a dare, not permission. Dont do it! 5. LOUD SIGH This means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistakes
punjabiplaya Posted May 6, 2010 Author Posted May 6, 2010 The BNP have just released their election slogan. 'don't unpack, your going back' Sardar: darling, years ago you had a figure like a coke bottle. Jeeto: yes darling I still do , only difference is earlier it was 300ml now it is 2 ltr
Karan114 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Just been sacked from my new job on the wines & spirits section at Asda. A paki came in and asked me to recommend a good port. I said "Dover' date=' now feck off"[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Bublu Bhuyan Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Builder on a 3rd floor forgot 2 bring his saw up with him. He shouts down to paddy' date=' but he cant hear him. So he does sign language. He points to his eye (i) his knee (need) & moves his hand back and forth in a saw motion. paddy nods, pulls down his pants and starts w*nking. Furious, the builder runs downstairs, 'what the hell are you doin', 'I said i need my saw'! 'I know says paddy, ' just letting you know i was cumin'.[/quote'] PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY' date=' GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 Shoaib joins the Pakistani Navy. After a while he asks shipmates "wot do u do 4 sex around here?" He's shown a wooden barrel with a hole in. Not impressed, he tries it anyway & loves it, so tries again the next day & the next. "Can I do this every day?" "Not Wednesdays shoaib "Why?" "Wednesday is your day in the barrel!"
punjabiplaya Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 George clooney is to star in a new film about gary glitter called oh shes eleven
punjabiplaya Posted May 8, 2010 Author Posted May 8, 2010 A taliban deserter is dying from lack of water in the desert when he comes across a jewish market stall holder selling ties,the taliban says have u got any water ...no said the jew boy ...but would u like 2 buy a tie 4 £10..feck off said the taliban i need water ...i should kill u but i need 2 drink first..the jew boy said i will rise above your bad behaviour and tell u where u can find water,if u walk 4 2 miles towards the sun u will find a restraunt where they serve ice cold water free of charge, off the taliban goes ,after 5 hours he comes back nearly dead and says 2 the jew boy... U khota your brother wont let me in without a tie.
punjabiplaya Posted May 8, 2010 Author Posted May 8, 2010 Got home & found my wife dead in the washing machine. I'm gutted....But at least she died in Comfort!
punjabiplaya Posted May 8, 2010 Author Posted May 8, 2010 Abdul felt a right tw*t after voting BNP when he found out it doesn't stand for Britian Needs Pakis.. :hysterical:
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