punjabiplaya Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 No woman will ever be truly happy, because no man will ever have a chocolate penis that ejaculates money! :haha:
Gunner_Mania Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 The Haringey fire service have announced their delight at how successfully the fire drill they initiated at White Hart Lane went last night. A spokesman said "Some people said it was a ridiculous idea to try to have a fire drill during the middle of a game between Spurs v Arsenal, but safety is paramount here and we were proved right. It was quite incredible at how quickly most of the crowd left the ground even though there were over 20 minutes left of the game. It was a slight disappointment that the away fans didn't choose to participate but never the less we were delighted with the results as this was primarily aimed at the Tottenham fans".
Sachinism Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 After disastrous preparations for the commonwealth game Suresh Khalmadi has attempted suicide Luckily for him the ceiling collapsed (yeh i know its cheesy) ---- The Boxing Commision have stripped Ricky Hatton of his boxing license. This must be terrible news for the retired boxer
Dark Warrior Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, maths and science. One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. I...t doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!" The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. nature does this on occasion." The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child."
punjabiplaya Posted September 25, 2010 Author Posted September 25, 2010 Man in ice cream shop slaps his son around the head and says, what flavour do you want fat head? The shop keeper is shocked and says, why did you slap your son and call him fat head? Man replies there are 3 things in life a man wants. A big car which I have, a great big house, which I have and a wife with a nice tight p*ssy. I had that too...until fat head came along!!!
punjabiplaya Posted September 25, 2010 Author Posted September 25, 2010 Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is 2 hearts and a diamond. By the end you'll wish you had a feckin club and spade!
Sachinism Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is 2 hearts and a diamond. By the end you'll wish you had a feckin club and spade! :--D:--D
Dark Warrior Posted September 26, 2010 Posted September 26, 2010 My Wife came downstairs last night wearing the skimpiest of dresses and some really s-lutty looking stockings. "You can't go out looking like that", I warned her, "You're going to get raped". "Don't be so silly", she laughed, "Nobody is going to try to rape me". ... Oh well, the f-uckness of her. The poor cow didn't even make it to the front door before she was proven wrong.
punjabiplaya Posted September 26, 2010 Author Posted September 26, 2010 If an American man is a CIA Agent, A Russian man is a KGB Agent and an English man is a MI6 Agent. What the hell does that make an Indian man? .. .. ....News Agent!!
punjabiplaya Posted September 26, 2010 Author Posted September 26, 2010 I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it fecking start?"
Sachinism Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 If an American man is a CIA Agent, A Russian man is a KGB Agent and an English man is a MI6 Agent. What the hell does that make an Indian man? .. .. ....News Agent!! :cantstop::cantstop:
Jadoo Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.I shouted up to him' date=' "What's up Abdul, won't it fecking start?"[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Guest Gunner Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.I shouted up to him' date=' "What's up Abdul, won't it fecking start?"[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69.
punjabiplaya Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens Center.Claude the hypnotist explained: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat."I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch.? ?It's a very special watch.It's been in my family for six generations"He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while chanting,"Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch watch. .. ." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces."SH*T!" said the Hypnotist.It took 3 days to clean up the Senior Citizens Center.??Claude was never invited again!!
Sachinism Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 My wife said that penis closely resembles a tic-tac. She was proud of her remark, but it knocked her down a peg or two when I asked her why her sister still has bad breath -- My wife woke me up with morning and said, "Morning, f**k face" So I did --- How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plough? Give the b*tch a shovel -- My wife always moans that I leave the toilet seat up. I thought to myself 'I think I know how to solve this historical problem that every man has' So I went and bought some super glue..... And glued her fkn mouth shut
punjabiplaya Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 I woke up this morning at 8 and I could just sense something was wrong. Got downstairs and the wife was face down on the Kitchen floor, not breathing, I panicked, didn't know what to do. ....then I remembered McDonalds serve breakfast until 10:30
punjabiplaya Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 TOP TIP: If you receive a letter summoning you for jury duty, simply write a reply that says, I'd be delighted to attend, what's the nigg*r done?'
Jadoo Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 TOP TIP: If you receive a letter summoning you for jury duty, simply write a reply that says, I'd be delighted to attend, what's the nigg*r done?' Not for the PC brigade, but that joke was :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:.
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