punjabiplaya Posted February 11, 2011 Author Posted February 11, 2011 NEW TAX CODE!! The only thing that Revenue has not taxed yet is the male penis! This is due to the fact that 69% of the time it is hanging around unemployed. 10% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off, 1% of the time it is in a hole. On top of that it has two dependents and they are both nuts!! HOWEVER, effective January 1st 2011, the penis will be taxed according to size. The brackets are as follows: 10"-12" Luxury tax €300 8"-10" pole tax €250 5"-8" privilege tax €150 3"-5" nuisance tax €30 Males exceeding 12" must file capital gains. Anyone under 3" is eligible for a tax refund. PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted February 11, 2011 Author Posted February 11, 2011 Old chinese proverb says: man who walks thru doorway sideways with erection is always goin 2 Bangkok :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted February 12, 2011 Author Posted February 12, 2011 A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming. Over in the corner, Elton & David's baby boy is smiling serenely. 'Isn't it wonderful?' says Elton, 'all these unhappy babies, and yet our baby is so happy. This just proves the superiority of gay love!' The nurse says, 'Oh sure, he's happy now but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his ass!'
punjabiplaya Posted February 12, 2011 Author Posted February 12, 2011 An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, and a Swiss man walk into a pub. The landlord says, "Sorry lads, I can't let you in without a Thai."
punjabiplaya Posted February 12, 2011 Author Posted February 12, 2011 Husband & Wife had a tiff. husband called his Mom: "she fought with me again, Im coming to stay with you" Mom: nai nai beta, she must pay 4 her mistake, Im coming to stay with u!!!. .
punjabiplaya Posted February 12, 2011 Author Posted February 12, 2011 A woman is giving childbirth and goes through a real hard labour....she finally gives birth to a boy and she is left all tired and covered in blood...her sass comes into the room and looks at the baby real hard...she says "kurriye eh munde di shakkal mere putt vargi ni lagdi"...the woman looks at her sass and then pulls her dress up and says " eh phud*i aa, photocopy machine ni"..
punjabiplaya Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me 'Oi what's your disability?' and i said 'Tourettes you cu*t now feck off'.
punjabiplaya Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 Sim Pal Tw*t, Won Lim Gone, Fu Kin Mong, Won Kee Eye &... Gary Neville
punjabiplaya Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 Lady's dishwasher breaks down, so she calls a repairman. She has to go out so tells him, "Don't worry about my bulldog, he won't bother you, but whatever you do, don't under any circumstances, talk to my parrot!" The man starts work, wary of the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he's ever seen, but it just lays there watching him work. The parrot however, drives him nuts, yelling & cursing. Finally, the man snaps & yells, "Shut the f*#k up, ya annoyin' bast*rd!" Parrot replies.......... "GET HIM SPIKE !!!"
punjabiplaya Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 2 black men see a sign saying make your self white for £10 . "but all they have is a £20 note" I will go first says leroy , then give you the tenner change , he comes out all nice and white . "Wow , look at you says winston . Give me the other tenner then" Leroy says , "feck off you black cu*t"
punjabiplaya Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 Two dyslexics storm into a bank and shout "Airs in the hands motherstickers, this is a feck up".
punjabiplaya Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 A woman goes to the doctors begging desperately for help. She explains that her fanny talks. She pulls down her knickers and her fanny whispers "spurs are gonna win the champions league" The doctor replies "I'm afraid we're in the middle of an epidemic !! Lots of cu*ts have started talking like this !!"
Laaloo Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Lady's dishwasher breaks down, so she calls a repairman. She has to go out so tells him, "Don't worry about my bulldog, he won't bother you, but whatever you do, don't under any circumstances, talk to my parrot!" The man starts work, wary of the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he's ever seen, but it just lays there watching him work. The parrot however, drives him nuts, yelling & cursing. Finally, the man snaps & yells, "Shut the f*#k up, ya annoyin' bast*rd!" Parrot replies.......... "GET HIM SPIKE !!!" :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Sachin=GOD Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 A woman goes to the doctors begging desperately for help. She explains that her fanny talks. She pulls down her knickers and her fanny whispers "spurs are gonna win the champions league" The doctor replies "I'm afraid we're in the middle of an epidemic !! Lots of cu*ts have started talking like this !!" :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :adore: :adore: :adore: :adore:
punjabiplaya Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 The missus asked if she pleased me in bed? I said "yes, I love that trick you do with your mouth." . . . "What trick?" she asked? "The one where you shut the feck up and go to sleep!"
punjabiplaya Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Reebok have released new ultra skin tight cycling shorts for women called 'mumblers'.you can see the lips move but you cant make out what the cun*s saying!
punjabiplaya Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Nun goes into confessional & says to the priest, "l'm pregnant." He asks, how this could happen? She says, "l think it must be the 2nd coming." The priest, shocked by this reply asks, "what makes u think it was the 2nd coming?" She replied, "cos l swallowed the 1st."
punjabiplaya Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Hi Mate. I don't want you to panic but I'm mailing from casualty. Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't what i thought it was..
punjabiplaya Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 After 32 years of marriage my wife took it up the ass for the first time last night. I hope it doesn't show up on the post-mortem.
punjabiplaya Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 I went to the doctors today and he told me I was a paranoid racist - well he never actually said that but I know what the black bast*rd was thinking.
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