punjabiplaya Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 A kid sat on the stairs with his cat and a tube of smarties. As his Mum watched, he put a smartie in his mouth licked his cat then moved down a step, he then put another smartie in his mouth, licked his cat and moved down a step. His Mum puzzled said " what are you doing? " He said " I'm getting some practice in for when I'm older " " I'm popping pills, licking p*ssy and moving on "
punjabiplaya Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 The Top 5 Men in a Woman's life are: 1. Doctor. 2. Dentist 3. Coal man. 4. Decorator. 5. Bank manager. A Doctor says to take off your clothes. A Dentist says open wide. A Coal man asks "where do you want it, front or back?" A Decorator says "how do you like it now that it's up?" A Bank manager says "don't take it out you'll lose interest"!
punjabiplaya Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 What's the difference between women at ages of 8, 18 , 28, 38 and 48? Age 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story. Age 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed. Age 28 - You don't need to tell her any story and take her to bed. Age 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed. Age 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
punjabiplaya Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 Does anyone have Oxfams number? I just got my water bill & then heard on the TV that Oxfam can supply a Family with water for just £2 a month...I'm fecking swapping suppliers!
CSK Fan Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Thanks for the really funny jokes PP. Your thread is the first one I check wehnever I log into ICF
punjabiplaya Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 Thanks for the really funny jokes PP. Your thread is the first one I check wehnever I log into ICF Thanks mate! i appreciate that! Would like some more appreciation from other posters for my top jokes!! :two_thumbs_up:
Laaloo Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 The Top 5 Men in a Woman's life are: 1. Doctor. 2. Dentist 3. Coal man. 4. Decorator. 5. Bank manager. A Doctor says to take off your clothes. A Dentist says open wide. A Coal man asks "where do you want it, front or back?" A Decorator says "how do you like it now that it's up?" A Bank manager says "don't take it out you'll lose interest"! What's the difference between women at ages of 8, 18 , 28, 38 and 48? Age 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story. Age 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed. Age 28 - You don't need to tell her any story and take her to bed. Age 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed. Age 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: P.S. moar paki jokes please :pray:
Sachin=GOD Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 “A Husband and his wife agreed that anytime they want to have sex, they will call it a ‘PHONE CALL’ so that the kids will not decode. One day, the husband sent his son to tell his mother that he wants to make a phone call. Mother replies: Tell your father that the Network is bad today. Husband: Tell your mother that if there is no Network at home, I will go to the “Public Phoneâ€. Wife sent back, tell your father that if he dares goes to a Public Phone, then I will open a “Call Centre†at home. :hysterical: The Top 5 Men in a Woman's life are: 1. Doctor. 2. Dentist 3. Coal man. 4. Decorator. 5. Bank manager. A Doctor says to take off your clothes. A Dentist says open wide. A Coal man asks "where do you want it, front or back?" A Decorator says "how do you like it now that it's up?" A Bank manager says "don't take it out you'll lose interest"! :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Bhai kahan kahan se dhoond kar laate ho itne badiya jokes!
Dark Warrior Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Thanks mate! i appreciate that! Would like some more appreciation from other posters for my top jokes!! :two_thumbs_up: add me to ur thread's fans list too. :two_thumbs_up:
punjabiplaya Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 The Red Cross have knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to . But our hosepipe only reaches the bottom of the garden.
punjabiplaya Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 I couldn't stop farting in bed last night, to the point where my Jewish girlfriend had enough and kicked me out to sleep on the couch. "Oh come on", I pleaded, "a bit of gas never hurt anyone". Apparently now I'm insensitive as well.
Sachin=GOD Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 The Red Cross have knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to . But our hosepipe only reaches the bottom of the garden. I couldn't stop farting in bed last night' date=' to the point where my Jewish girlfriend had enough and kicked me out to sleep on the couch. "Oh come on", I pleaded, "a bit of gas never hurt anyone". Apparently now I'm insensitive as well.[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 My ex-wife could manipulate the muscles of her fanny so that it felt as though you were getting a blow job. Which is why I divorced her because when she manipulated the muscles of her mouth, she sounded like a cu*t.
punjabiplaya Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 3 men were captured by female savages & told their dicks would be removed in a manner appropriate 2 their jobs. 1st man was a lumberjack, so his would be chopped off 2nd man was a butcher so his would be sliced off. 3rd man rolled about in hysterics! his captors asked what was so funny? He replied: I work for Dyson!
punjabiplaya Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 After a night of hard booze, hard drugs and wild sex, I woke up next to this right fekin ugly kuthi of a woman.. That's when I realized I'd made it home safely. :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 At the pub quiz last night, a question came up: "Define the meaning of the word 'Niggling'." Judging by the fact we got kicked out and barred, I'm guessing the correct answer wasn't, "A small black baby".
punjabiplaya Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 Three fresh paki guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the paki on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The second paki on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the 3rd paki guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!" :hysterical::hysterical:
Laaloo Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Three fresh paki guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the paki on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The second paki on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the 3rd paki guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!" :hysterical::hysterical: LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Kohum Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Three fresh paki guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the paki on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The second paki on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the 3rd paki guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!" :hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
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