punjabiplaya Posted March 26, 2011 Author Posted March 26, 2011 Paddy & Murphy buy four budgies from a pet shop and proceed to drive to a cliff. Paddy puts two of the birds on his shoulders and jumps straight to his death. Murphy looks down at the remains of his pal and says, "Feck dat, dis budgie jumpin's too feckin' dangerous"....
punjabiplaya Posted March 26, 2011 Author Posted March 26, 2011 Little sam asked his dad for a bike for his birthday. His dad said "no son,the mortgage is 80 grand and your mummy's just lost her job" next day little sam walked out with his suitcase packed. His dad asked "where are you going son" sam replied "i walked past your bedroom last night and heard you tell mum that u were pullin out, she said to wait cos she was comin too,and i'm not staying here on my own with an 80 grand mortgage and no fecking bike! :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted March 27, 2011 Author Posted March 27, 2011 The church service was ending & the collection had just finished. The preacher saw a £50 note in the plate, stopped the service & said 'whoever put the £50 in, please stand up' A first time church going gay paki man stood & said 'i did ji' The preacher told him 'for ur generosity ill let u pick 3 hymns.' Excitedly the paki looked around & said, 'ill have, him... him & him'
punjabiplaya Posted March 27, 2011 Author Posted March 27, 2011 I bought the wife a memory stick... It's great!She hasn't forgotten my beer, dinner or sex once since the first beating!!
punjabiplaya Posted March 27, 2011 Author Posted March 27, 2011 Just been to the gym! They've got a new machine, Had to stop using it after 30 mins though cuz I started to feel sick! its great it does everything! Kitkats, mars bars, snickers, crisps the lot!!!!
Laaloo Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 Looks like Chris Brown left a lasting impression on Riahanna She keeps saying, " O na na, What's my name, What's my name, What's my name?" :proud:
Dark Warrior Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 When I lost my wedding ring, my wife told me to look for it."Look in the most likely place it might have slipped off," she said. I did what she said, but then the fecking b!tch shouts at me for fingering her sister!
punjabiplaya Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 When I lost my wedding ring, my wife told me to look for it."Look in the most likely place it might have slipped off," she said. I did what she said, but then the fecking b!tch shouts at me for fingering her sister! :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 3 guys in a lap dancing club were watching a big booty gyrating on a pole. The Englishman stuck £20 on her left cheek. Not to be out done the Jamaican man stuck £30 on the right cheek. The lad from Nigeria then got up, swiped "his" Mastercard down the crack of her ar*e and took £50 cash back!
punjabiplaya Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 An American fighter plane was flying over Libya when he noticed a flying carpet on each side of his plane, both with a machine gunner on board. Sensing danger he shot them down. Back at base he got a right bollocking apparently they were Allied Carpets.
punjabiplaya Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 A man who hasn't had an erection for ages decides 2 try a method he's read about in an old medical book. It involves placing his finger in a woman's vagina then rubbing it around his nose. So that night, when his wife's asleep, he dips his finger in her fanny, feels how nice & wet it is, then rubs it around his nose. Instant erection!! He wakes his wife & says "Look at this!" She replies "U woke me up just 2 show me u've got a nosebleed?!"
punjabiplaya Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 I had my haircut today, the barber asked would you like anythink on it? I said a pair of knickers please, you've made me look a right cu*t !
punjabiplaya Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Richard Branson offered 2 sponsor pakistan they declined- 'we can't have Virgin written on our t-shirts, we got get feckd by d Indians! :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 What do u call a Pakistani wife-beater? ............... Chinder Gudenpropa!
punjabiplaya Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 The pakistani cricket team were drinking tea out of a saucer,when asked why ? They could only reply the indians took the cup! chakdey india!!!
punjabiplaya Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Dear pakistan We come from a country that invented the kamasutra. Today we fecked you in more ways than you can possibly imagine Kind regards INDIA :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Afridi, apni biwi se: Mujhe chai to dena.. Biwi ne plate me chai daal ke di. Afridi ghusse se bola: Cup mein daal ke do! Biwi: CUP to tera Baap Dhoni le jayega isi me peene ki aadat daal. :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Knock knock.... Who's there? Misbah. Misbah who??? Misbah by fecking 29 runs!!! :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Recent studies have shown that constantly sucking di*k takes away the ability to speak. Now I understand why paki men always text and never call
punjabiplaya Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Bought my son an iPad, my daughter an iPod. The wife got me an iPhone and I got her an iRon. She was,nt overjoyed even after I explained it can be integrated with the iWash, iCook, iClean network. This opened the iNag reminder service which totally wiped out the iShag function.
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