Sachinism Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Clarke Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Me: “The database is messed up. What’s the server log on?” Client: “What do you mean?” Me: “I mean I need access to the server.” Client: “I don’t know how to do that.” Me: “Who set it up?” Client: “I’m not sure.” Me: “Who owns the server?” Client: “God.” :hysterical::hysterical: I could swear something identical happened to a lot of the members here including me. Seen a lot of projects where they have no proper technical contractors but well paid full time managers to 'ensure' the work is done.
Holysmoke Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 A true story. Client - I want to access the application from the Internet. Holysmoke - Well, I've already sent you the URL and your credentials. You can access it from your browser. Client - Arre, but I want to access it from the internet.. not this browser wowser sh!t. Holysmoke - :wall:
Shane Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 A true story. Client - I want to access the application from the Internet. Holysmoke - Well, I've already sent you the URL and your credentials. You can access it from your browser. Client - Arre, but I want to access it from the internet.. not this browser wowser sh!t. Holysmoke - :wall: :hysterical:
DomainK Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical ::hysterical: :hysterical:
Sachinism Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 Also, I will pay you when my website becomes popular like Facebook. For now, you can just work on it. We have a really tight budget on this project so whatever you can do to cut costs would be really great - like just do it in your spare time. Client: I showed this logo to my daughter and she didn’t like it. Me: How old is your daughter? Client: Five. Me: But your target audience is recovering drug addicts. Client: Right. Make Them Disappear [Phone conversation with a client concerning a corporate animation.] Client: “We don’t want people to think that everyone using our service is black. Can you make most of the people white?” Me: “They are stick figures, I don’t think there’s going to be any racial profiling.” Client: “Well you’re using black lines for all of them. We want to see most of them as white.” Me: “Don’t you think that would look even more racist? Besides, it’s a white background, the white stick figures would disappear.” Client: “Then change it to a black background and make the black people disappear. I don’t know, just figure it out.”
b555 Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 A true story. Client - I want to access the application from the Internet. Holysmoke - Well, I've already sent you the URL and your credentials. You can access it from your browser. Client - Arre, but I want to access it from the internet.. not this browser wowser sh!t. Holysmoke - :wall: :haha: :cantstop:
DomainK Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I have uncountable such experiences: Client: How much will the banners cost us? Me: With concept, copy and design, Rs.XXXX Client: Thats too costly. Me: Well, thats the standard rate. Client: What if you make it black & white? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I made a website with CMS for a big television channel and was presenting the final website in a meeting with all the top management. "Thats not what we wanted." Screamed a lady who was supposed to manage the website with the CMS once it was live. Me: "But this is exactly according to your brief and your approval was taken at each stage of the work." Client: "But you expect me to stay awake every night at 12 to change the programs and the times?" Me: "No, thats automated." Client: "It could be automated, but someone has to do it. Are you going to do it everyday for the rest of you life without any extra cost?" She screamed at the top of her voice. I was totally stunned by the onslaught. Then someone from her own company explained to her that no one had to manually change it every night. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Client: I want the e-mail addresses of everyone who visits my website. Me: You mean you want them to submit their e-mail addresses? Client: No one will submit their e-mail addresses for no reason. You will have to get it. Me: I am afraid I am not following you. Client: Just save their e-mail addresses in a database without them knowing. Me: It cant be done. We cant just get their e-mail addresses like that. Client: Dont take me for a fool. I have done my research. You can get all the information about the visitor when he comes to a website. Like IP, e-mail...everything. Me: Well, one can get IP addresses, but certainly not e-mail address. Client: You are good for nothing. I will find someone else. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- There were two persons attending meetings from the client side. Lets call them client1 and client2. Client1: We would like you to create a log in box for the user. Client2: Yes, and when the user enters username and password, then only he should be able to see the contents. Client1: How much more will that cost? Client2: Why should it cost anything extra? He does not have to do anything major but just create a log in box. Client1: But he has to make the login work....you know like the password and stuff. Client2: No, the computer does it. No computer in the world lets you do anything unless you enter the right password. That happens automatically. He does not have to do it separately. Client1: (to me)Is that right? Me: no Client2: Now, dont try to be smart with me.
Sachinism Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 ^^ Must be tough keeping your cool at times lol
b555 Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 ^ really funny dk but u must be quite screamed out when u must be hearing such things wit u :P
DomainK Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 And I forgot the mother of them all. I was recommended by an old client to this guy who wanted a website. I took the brief, gave him a quote. He told me later that someone else was ready to do the same for 10% of what I had quoted. He then complained to the client who had recommended me telling him that I was a cheat. Then we found out that someone had charged him money to create a gmail address. The client did not know the difference between a website and an e-mail address.
b555 Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 And I forgot the mother of them all. I was recommended by an old client to this guy who wanted a website. I took the brief, gave him a quote. He told me later that someone else was ready to do the same for 10% of what I had quoted. He then complained to the client who had recommended me telling him that I was a cheat. Then we found out that someone had charged him money to create a gmail address. The client did not know the difference between a website and an e-mail address. :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical:
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