Infosys Engr kills wife, commits suicide

[Cricketics]

okay folkz listen.. no one was present in the room.. so this leaves tons of questions.. - may be the wife might have tried to kill her husband? and then to protect himself.. husband killer her wife? and then in depression he commit suicide.. we just don't know.. what really happend inside their house.. handz down

[Lurker]

okay folkz listen.. no one was present in the room.. so this leaves tons of questions..

It leaves tons of questions but for people quick to judge the answer is rather simple, straight and cynical. Situation A: The wifey kills the hubby. Assumption: The hubby must be a wife-beater who cheats on his wife, asks for dowry and for the lack of better word was a dog. So he got killed. Situation B: The hubby kills the wifey. Assumption: The hubby must be a jealous insecure loony who did not appreciate his wife mixing with guys and killed the girl. Generalization of course but it is widely the norm. We dont live in the era were girls were Sati Savitri period, still first impression goes in their favour. Even today laws are heavily loaded in a woman's favour. For example, if this same girl would have brought a case on the guy on anti-dowry charge the chap would be behind the bars on a non-bailable warrant! Even if the charges were not proved. How cr@ppy is that?? Watch for the evidence first before you castigate a person, man or woman.

[fineleg]

@ Rajeev and zap. In this case and also other similar cases, the woman's situation is many times ignored. I had seen many instances where within the early years of an arranged marriage, the woman does meet someone she genuinely falls in love with. She fights a real lonely emotional/moral battle as to whether end her existing marriage and seek happiness where she sees love, but there are social norms, pressures etc and in some instances very young child or something.

Hell, in most societies where dating is prevalent, its very rare for the first time love/relationship to actually work out and thats how it should be naturally- for love/relationship is as much a learning experience as it is an enjoyable one and its highly unlikely that you'll hit your personality match off the first try. .

Good point, CC. Hari mentions something similar above (not hitting it off on first try)

[fineleg]

On a different note, let me tell you why it was unnerving when I read this "common place" that shwetabh said. Recently, a very distant relative - a girl... ( i have seen them as kids but lost contact for many years, but my parents keep in touch with them once every 2 years or so)...had this situation. Extra marrital affair - guy involved in the affair, and later he himself becos of guilt ended himself. Girl (relative) was unharmed, but very very shaken. Poor gal. When my parents related this incident, I could not believe what I was hearing since such things were unheard of in our family, near family or distant or very distant family. The guy was living in India, working for a leading software company and doing quite well otherwise. Well recognized at work etc etc, Supposed to be "good family" etc.

Better start beleiving. India has changed hugely and none is this more apparent than when it comes to family. Our generation( 25-35) is caught in one world and our paternal generation (55 plus )is caught in completely other. Divorce rate are growing fast, infidelity is no big deal as such, and all amidst the huge family pride pressures. If you check online world you will get ample evidence of India, both men and women(single and married) and the changing scenario. Doesnt augur well for the future but atleast lets accept it is here well and truly.

I suppose so. It is well and truly here! People should get married only if they really want to get married with a specific person, otherwise such things become a higher possibility.

[Lurker]

People should get married only if they really want to get married with a specific person' date=' otherwise such things become a higher possibility.[/quote'] I honestly think we wont see everyone getting married for the best reasons anytime soon. By that I don't mean every marriage is a sham but a lot of them are. This is specially true for girls where the pressure(to get married) is simply enormous. Take example of Hari. He can proudly say he is a single guy who prefers it that way(good for you mate), can you imagine an Indian girl say that?? People will straight away start wondering whats wrong with her. Females get the rough end of the stick on this one and unfortunately their worst enemy are often females who would lace them with some really unsavory comment. What I do hope is that once you are married you stay true to your spouse. If you dont like him/her anymore then just leave him/her and move on with the one you like. Dont try to have the best of the world where you flirt during the day and spend time with your wife in the evening. The worst aspect of this is the cheating spouse devastates the self-confidence of the person. You may be the most beautiful girl but the moment your hubby cheats on you, you go all - Why wasnt I good enough? What did I lack? There is nothing worse than making a person insecure, and that when it is not even remotely his/her fault. xxx

[Guest HariSampath]

From what most posters had felt about this sorry matter, I think there is broad agreement here, but let me add a few things. First the crime itself, crime of passion...is it that rare in our society now and is it because of the hitech/high income, double income/working wife syndrome ? Perhaps to some extent, yes, but just visualise the following imaginary ( not really) news report. Anytown, India. Man kills wife, child and commits suicide. The body of an woman Y aged about 35 was found , strangled with a saree near a field. Police recoverd later the body of her husband X , aged 40, and also their 5 year old child at their home, both had died from consuming pesticide. It is suspected that the couple had frequent quarrels and X had been accusing his wife of infidelity. Neighbors , under the condition of anonymity say that for the past few months another man Z , from the native village of Y had been visiting her and X had been unhappy about it leading to fights. It is learnt that X having taken a job in a nearby town used to be away for most of the week, and at this time Z used to be visiting Y and sometimes staying with her as well. 2 days back, X had confronted his wife , they had a fight and he killed her and dumped her body in a field. Later he is believed to have given some pesticide nto his 5 year old child and also consumed it himself. Now, tell me, is this story that unfamiliar to you? Heck, we read it in almost every regional newspaper in India every other week. The only thing in our Bangalore case is the couple were a young urban, hitech, couple with all the paraphernelia of computers, cellphones, laptop cameras thrown in. The media goes hysterical about it for the above reasons because of the juicy angle of "hitech rich life spoiling our culture ? " based on which the media can do 3 more talk shows , 4 opinion polls, summon experts in psychology, social behavior etc. But the key is all nthese things had NOTHING to do with the unfortunate crime itself. This crime is exactly similar to the 100s of instances ( reported or not) that happen in India, small towns, rural etc all the time , like I wrote that report. Passion , jealousy, unfaithfulness, infidelity, anger, absolute dejection, and a feeling of nowhere to go and nothing to do-the end of the world feeling; these are common to all humans and these powerful emotions that dictate human behavior, fallibilities and emotion driven actions are not limited to the well heeled or in any way different. Amit Budhiraja did not do anything different from our villager X in the example nor did Rinku do something that the villager Y didnt do. But as in my OP, I do think ( and agree with Lurks) that the man being a highly educated one, holding a job in a top firm could have possibly reacted differently than the way he did, but we dont know to what extent he was impacted ( more I see about this, lesser sympathy I have for the girl). But by the same token, the girl who was equally educated and worldly wise need not have resorted to cheating. If there had been genuine incompatibility and she had really found a better companion, the way to go would have been to sit down and talk about a divorce, and not shut out the husband out of the room as well as her little secret. I think that Amit would have felt more bitter about the girl having an affair under his nose and hiding it as well, it may have made him feel more deceived than rejected. Being rejected is bad enough but I think any man will take it. If a wife separates , and while waiting for the divorce, she sees someone else, I doubt if any man will care too much or that it will hurt his ego. I doubt if all men will feel that bad at being "rejected", maybe a little ( as I cant say exactly, but just guess as I have never been married). If I had been married and my wife tells me some day that it is over and she is seeing someone, I will probably get mad at first, maybe cuss her and then either walk out or ask her to walk out and let the lawyers deal with it. I may probably feel angry and rejected if I had loved her deeply, and may start drinking a bit more than usual ( more in wondering where I had gone wrong in my original choice), but after a few months, I will probably take the car out , go to a friend's party , start seeing single girls and probably start thinking of a relationship. Thats about all. I dont think I would have "lost" anything or feel "rejected", but I certainly would feel cheated as I had given it my 100% sincere effort and even if there was incompatibility, at least I would have expected 100% return effort for the Rel...not an extra marital affair. In this scenario, ANY person who thinks it is downright outrageous to have been living under the same roof all the time his wife had been sleeping awith someone else, will feel totally furious at his situation if he had thought his wife ought to have been 100% committed to him alone, and this was as serious a crime as literally killing him ( equating infidelity to murder). Hence such a husband kills in passion. AND it is common for such husbands depite rural or hitech background. The only thing is today's lifestyle provides more opportunities for infidelity ( urban hitech lifestyle) and the independent woman is doing it more often than before. In many views, people approach marriage and indeed life itself with a sense of idealism, and nothing wrong in that. It is never easy to see idealism destroyed and when it is a case of trust and love being taken for a ride and shattered, idealism as believed earlier takes a body blow for the believer, who then thinks life itself is worthless without core values and hence chooses drastic measures . The fault here is losing faith in idealism; losing faith in an individual's failure to at least make maximum effort towards idealism is ok, he can move on and hope to find a better effort elsewhere, but thinking that this is the end of his ideal vision and nothing else can restore it is losing faith in the principle itself, and that is the tragedy.

[CC1981]

The fault here is losing faith in idealism; losing faith in an individual's failure to at least make maximum effort towards idealism is ok, he can move on and hope to find a better effort elsewhere, but thinking that this is the end of his ideal vision and nothing else can restore it is losing faith in the principle itself, and that is the tragedy.

Idealism, like religion,workaholicism,etc. is a form of extremism. And one should avoid any sort of extremism, tow the middle path instead....where you know what either extreme of ideals are and try to keep a pragmatic mind.

[fineleg]

The fault here is losing faith in idealism; losing faith in an individual's failure to at least make maximum effort towards idealism is ok, he can move on and hope to find a better effort elsewhere, but thinking that this is the end of his ideal vision and nothing else can restore it is losing faith in the principle itself, and that is the tragedy.

Idealism' date= like religion,workaholicism,etc. is a form of extremism. And one should avoid any sort of extremism, tow the middle path instead....where you know what either extreme of ideals are and try to keep a pragmatic mind.

CC, A lot depends on the ideals being formed during one's development phase (childhood, teenage, end of teenage). What they are exposed to as children, values taught, idealisms formed etc. Some of the things will alter during adulthood. Sure. But the core is formed in the environment where people grow.

[fineleg]

AND it is common for such husbands depite rural or hitech background. The only thing is today's lifestyle provides more opportunities for infidelity ( urban hitech lifestyle) and the independent woman is doing it more often than before. .

I think u've answered my question. Thats what I think too. Does not matter whether rural or hitech. Issues are the same old, same old - since time immemorial. Shakespeares days or O'Henry novels will have same issues listed. More opportunities for infidelity today? Yes, and No. Ultimately, Chances are what people make of it.

[Lurker]

I think that Amit would have felt more bitter about the girl having an affair under his nose and hiding it as well, it may have made him feel more deceived than rejected. Being rejected is bad enough but I think any man will take it. If a wife separates , and while waiting for the divorce, she sees someone else, I doubt if any man will care too much or that it will hurt his ego. I doubt if all men will feel that bad at being "rejected", maybe a little ( as I cant say exactly, but just guess as I have never been married). If I had been married and my wife tells me some day that it is over and she is seeing someone, I will probably get mad at first, maybe cuss her and then either walk out or ask her to walk out and let the lawyers deal with it.

Hari, this is where we make judgements based on our personal experiences. To people who have had more than 1 solid relationship in life, run-ins like situation above, is not as devastating as the person who has put everything in 1 relationship. Was that the case here? We dont know. What if this was a love-marriage(looks like with the two people from different background and city) and they had to fight their parents? What if the parents had warned both of them how their spouse would do nothing but bring bad luck yada yada. We just dont know. What we do know is Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. And it is not too different with men either. It is one thing to be told "Its over", completely different to come home to an empty house(and bedroom) and have your spouse shut you out while at the same time indulge with someone else. Give it a thought as to how the guy will think. Will he like to come home to a house where his wife back-stabs him? NO If he doesnt come home to his house does that give his spouse even more chances? Possibly Yes. Double whammy.

The media goes hysterical about it for the above reasons because of the juicy angle of "hitech rich life spoiling our culture ? " based on which the media can do 3 more talk shows , 4 opinion polls, summon experts in psychology, social behavior etc

The media is going hysterical because it is a masala news. They are not covering the root cause. I would say that the new generation of urban rich Indians, IT/BPO/ITES etc etc etc, have a lot of stress on them today. Workwise it is very very challenging and so is relationshipwise. In a decade Internet has become the favorite tool of all and in the same period the number of relationships for a person has also multiplied immensly. Gone are the days of 1 relationship for life. And this is true for guys as well as girls. I think this is a good topic for Pscychologist to reseach on - Impact of Development on Indian pschyce.

[CSK Fan]

As I am single I cant really say how any husband would feel if the wife cheats on him' date=' but I dont see why it is the end of the world. Any relatioonship derives its value and beauty only on trust and honesty, for without these 2 love cannot exist. And the moment one of the partners ceases to value these two then the rel is over or in other words "never was", so why should guys break their heads over a "non event"...just move on, its a big world and there are other better women/men waiting and a whole life ahead. To end a spouse's life and/or end own life is hardly a solution and is too heavy a price to pay for feeling some hurt, which will go away soon enough anyway.[/quote'] Pal, all these sound very well when you are single and alone. You can think very logicaly and honestly. I was exactly like you, giving advise to all my love-struck friends. But once you fall in love logic goes out of the window. You cannot be dis-passionate or logical no matter how level headed you are in real life.Being emotional in a relationship is nature's way of ensuring a bonding in a relationship. If you dont get emotional and behave irrationaly at least some times in a relationship, the relationship is not strong enough. If there was no jealousy, possesiveness, etc in a relationship, human beings would have been less stable in a relationship. there are lots of chemical changes which take place while you are in a relationship changing your behaviour.

[suraj]

Pal' date=' all these sound very well when you are single and alone. You can think very logicaly and honestly. I was exactly like you, giving advise to all my love-struck friends. But once you fall in love logic goes out of the window. You cannot be dis-passionate or logical no matter how level headed you are in real life.Being emotional in a relationship is nature's way of ensuring a bonding in a relationship. If you dont get emotional and behave irrationaly at least some times in a relationship, the relationship is not strong enough. If there was no jealousy, possesiveness, etc in a relationship, human beings would have been less stable in a relationship. there are lots of chemical changes which take place while you are in a relationship changing your behaviour.[/quote'] AMEN!!!! Words taken out of mouth- otherwise all of us will be Mr. Data but Hari has still mentioned that going to extreme should be controlled and that is what folks should aim for despite the emotions