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A few from my mailbox

Don Sharma

By Don Sharma
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Don Sharma

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Two Ladies Talking in Heaven 1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda. 2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die? 1st woman: I froze to death. 2nd woman: How horrible! 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? 2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. 1st woman: So, what happened? 2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every Closet and checked under all the beds.I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. 1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be Alive.
An American, a British and an Indian went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted. When they came upon a small lake, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water, since it was fairly secluded. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their " freedom. " As they were crossing an open area, suddenly a group of ladies from town appeared. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the American and the British quickly used their hands to cover their privates. But the Indian covered his face while they ran for cover. After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on. The American and the British asked the Indian why he covered his face rather than his private part. The Indian replied, "I don't know about you, but in my country, it's the face that people recognize".
There were two nuns... One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM) , and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL) . It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us. SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do? SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster. SM: It's not working. SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too. SM : So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute. SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical . Then Sister Logical arrives. SM: Sister Logical ! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened! SL : The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me SM : Yes, yes! But what happened then? SL : The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could. SM : And? SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me SM : Oh, dear! What did you do? SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up. SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do? SL : The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants. SM: Oh, no! What happened then? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down. And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, I'll pray for you!
Finally, some marriage humour
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?' Husband : 'Sure! What are my choices?' Wife : 'Yes or no.' Son: ' Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.' Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.' Son: 'But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.' A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?' 'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!' A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?' He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor.'
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Don Sharma

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Teacher: "Children, tomorrow I would like you to give me an example of a development that is currently being built near your home and what are the advantages of this new development. At the end of the class, the teacher asks that all the little girls remain behind for 5 minutes. Teacher: "Young ladies, I have received numerous complaints from your parents concerning Little Johnny's' crude remarks. It is very likely that tomorrow he is going to say something dirty and that is why I am asking you all, to avoid any further problems that if he says anything that appears rude, I would like you all to get up and leave the classroom." Everybody agreed to this plan. Next day - Teacher: "Is everybody ready with their assignment? Go ahead Anita." Anita: "Near my home, a supermarket is being built. Now my mommy doesn't have to walk so far to get bread and milk." Teacher: "Very good Anita! Yes Suzie!" Suzie: "Near my home, they are building a furniture factory. My daddy is a carpenter and this permits him to work near home." Teacher: "Excellent, thank-you Suzie!" At this point, little Johnny's hand shoots up and the Teacher asks: "Oh heavens, Johnny tell me what new development is being built near your home." Little Johnny: "Near my home, they are building a brothel." As planned, all the young ladies get up and proceed to leave. Little Johnny says, "Hey! relax ****s, it hasn't opened yet!"
Once there was a girl who always fantasized about "69". She had a regular boyfriend and they have never done it before. One day she invites her boyfriend to her apartment for romantic dinner. After heavy dinner, she tells him that she wants to do "69". But the Boyfriend did not have any idea about what 69 is. The girlfriend gets upset but thinks that she can teach him how to do 69. She asks him to lie down and then lies on top of him in reverse direction so as in 69. The boyfriend is confused but is eager to know about 69. So he does as the GF tells him to do. They lay down in this position for about 2 min. She is thinking that he will, by the time, get excited by this. But suddenly the GF has to let go of a fart...directly on her BF's face. GF quickly apologizes and asks him to stay in that position for some more time. After a min she has to let go one another fart....this time bigger than the previous. The BF quickly throws her away, gets up, starts dressing up and yells at her... "If you think I am gonna take 67 more like this, you are MAD"
:cantstop:
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Don Sharma

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Bump!

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else... One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me screw you. But the girl said NO. Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up." She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down." So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. She responded, "The bastard used coins!" Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!
:cantstop:
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FOUR FRIENDS AT A PARTY !!!!!!!! Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.' The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.' The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.' The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?' One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?' The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.' The three friends said: 'What a shame...what a disappointment.' The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends. :cantstop:

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FOUR FRIENDS AT A PARTY !!!!!!!! Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.' The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.' The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.' The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?' One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?' The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.' The three friends said: 'What a shame...what a disappointment.' The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends. :cantstop:
:cantstop:
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