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Ram

By Ram
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CricketGirl Newbie

CricketGirl

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Posted

Job at the FBI The FBI had an opening for an assassin . After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your Instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair .. . . kill her!!' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.' The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife..' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.' Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. 'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the f # cking chair.' MORAL: Women are crazy. Don't mess with them

ludhianvi Newbie

ludhianvi

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Posted

Hello ICF, The day is young but I am still old. The food is warm but I am still cold. The butter has melted, but I am still frozen. Surround by many, but I am still alone :rose:

Mr. Wicket Newbie

Mr. Wicket

Posted
Posted

________________________________________ FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 1, 2008 RE: Gala Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family, Patty ________________________________________ FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 2, 2008 RE: Gala Holiday Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family, Patty ________________________________________ FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 3, 2008 RE: Holiday Party Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. ________________________________________ FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director To: All Employees DATE: October 4, 2008 RE: Generic Holiday Party What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. There will be a table each for gays and lesbians. To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry. Re the food, low-fat food will be available for those on a diet, but I'm sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first. Also, there will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!? Patty ________________________________________ FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All F*%^ing Employees DATE: October 5, 2008 RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party I've had it with you vegetarian *****s!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday! The B*tch from H*ll!!! ________________________________________ FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director DATE: October 6, 2008 RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Happy Holidays! Joan

flamy Apprentice

flamy

Posted
Posted

:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: @ Salil :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:

Guest Gunner

Guest Gunner

Posted
Posted
Helo boys! :girldance:
Hey!! Look who is here...
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