Jump to content

How Yousuf was selected captain

CSK Fan

By CSK Fan
in Cricket Talk

Recommended Posts

CSK Fan Newbie

CSK Fan

Posted
Posted

How Yousuf was selected captain

Disclaimer: - All the incidents and people mentioned in this article are from my imagination. Any resemblance to actual people is co-incidental. The purpose of the article is not to make fun of any religion or rituals but only to have a bit of fun For those blaming that the PCB’s procedures are not transparent enough, for the first time PCB allowed our special correspondent to cover this all important quarterly meet to decide the captain of the team. . The following account is an excerpt from his notes The meeting room is a large, non-descript room, sparsely furnished with a large oval table and maghony chairs. On the wall opposite the chairman’s chair, hangs a large framed picture of Qaid-E-Azam. There is a story behind that picture too. The janitor who hung it almost had his hands chopped off because it was hung 2 inches lower than what’s prescribed in Hadith no : 24,564. But, on the eve of the execution of the punishment, the janitor’s uncle, who happened to be a maulvi, found Hadith no 12,546 which stated that if the picture is facing the holy land, then the limits can be relaxed by 5 inches. The janitor got off scot free though he resigned immediately from the post and the PCB chairman was able to appoint his nephew to the post, which was what he wanted all along. Who said there is no equality and justice in our country? Our neighbor should learn from us. When I entered the room, there was an atmosphere of friendship and cordiality. Afridi stopped sharpening his knife and gave me a warm smile. Farhat and Manzoor were placing bets on the length of Yousuf’s beard and he sat there indulgently, like a grand uncle, while Manzoor took out a tape to measure it. Umar and Aamer were carrying tea for everyone like proper juniors should and Malik was miming Younis Khan while he was not looking. Without wasting time, Ijaz started the proceedings. Aamer complained that while bowling to Farhat in the nets, he missed or edged behind almost all balls and he was tired running to pick them up. He demanded to have a keeper behind the stumps in the net while he was bowling. Afridi ended the discussion conclusively by proving that it was haram to have a keeper behind a Pakistani batsman in the nets. He used Hadith 524 which states, “He who stands behinds and stares at a fisherman and his net, will have no fish for dinner”. Hence, Afridi proved once again why he is considered captaincy material. Once the petty issues had been resolved, (And there were many. Malik had stolen Asif’s towel and when he had asked for it back, had threatened to set Akhtar with a bat after him. He was fined 20 rupees for this. ), came the all important point of captaincy for the test tour in New Zealand. One last, half-hearted attempt was made to make Younis withdraw his suggestion that he wanted a rest. Everyone was of the opinion that he should be back in the team except Afridi. Afridi said he would love to have him back but a Muslim’s word should be cast in stone and Islam came before the team. Inshallah, what a noble sentiment. Malik’s name was suggested by someone but he refused to be made the scapegoat in an overseas tour once again. Afridi selflessly tried to persuade him to be captain until Malik relented. Then Afridi remembered that this being an Eid month, it was inauspicious for a former captain to return as a captain. Lots of tea was drunk and samosas consumed without anyone being able to agree on the captain. In the meanwhile Afridi kept repeating that he was ready to return if they needed a test leader but apart from the occasional chuckles, no one paid much attention to him, much to his chagrin. At last the chairman hit upon a noble idea. Anyone who could recite the first 100 pages of the holy book non-stop would be made the captain. Such ability would prove that the man was a natural and upright leader. Unfortunately all the very young guys like Umar, Aamer and Afridi were not allowed to be a part of this. Yousuf outshone everyone and did not stop reciting till he had covered the whole book, even with everyone pleading him to stop. He only stopped when Ijaz told him that he was ready to give him captaincy for his life-time if he only stopped. Everyone broke into cheers and slapped Yousuf on the back except Afridi who called him a pseudo-Muslim. Then he glanced at me taking notes, said that it was all in jest and shook Yousuf’s hands reluctantly. Yousuf said that he had to consult Inzi bhai before he could make this all important decision. He gave a miss call and Inzamam, who was waiting outside, came in. He marveled at Yousuf’s beard and said that it should be an example to youngsters like Umar and Aamer. He gave the nod and Yousuf decided to be the captain. Now came the all important part of bill settlement. Ijaz stated that the PCB were over-drawn paying the rent of the premises and the players had to foot the bill for the teas and samosas. After lots of bickering, inevitably, Umar and Aamer were made to pay the bill. It was pointed out that they had recently won man of the matches and it was only proper for them to respect the seniors. All the players walked out of the conference and were greeted by waiting men from press. They ignored everyone and walked towards Inzi bhai. Inzi patted Yousuf on the back and said, “Inshallah, boy iz played well”.

The Outsider Newbie

The Outsider

Posted
Posted
The janitor who hung it almost had his hands chopped off because it was hung 2 inches lower than what’s prescribed in Hadith no : 24,564. But, on the eve of the execution of the punishment, the janitor’s uncle, who happened to be a maulvi, found Hadith no 12,546 which stated that if the picture is facing the holy land, then the limits can be relaxed by 5 inches.
Afridi ended the discussion conclusively by proving that it was haram to have a keeper behind a Pakistani batsman in the nets. He used Hadith 524 which states, “He who stands behinds and stares at a fisherman and his net, will have no fish for dinner”. Hence, Afridi proved once again why he is considered captaincy material.
Unfortunately all the very young guys like Umar, Aamer and Afridi were not allowed to be a part of this. Yousuf outshone everyone and did not stop reciting till he had covered the whole book, even with everyone pleading him to stop. He only stopped when Ijaz told him that he was ready to give him captaincy for his life-time if he only stopped.
:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: This is fracking brilliant!!
CSK Fan Newbie

CSK Fan

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Everything was hilarious except the part making fun of a hadith.
They are not original Hadiths buddy. I was only making fun of some people taking things literally and making a big issue out of small, unimportant things. Islam is a beautiful religion, its only a few people who become laughing stocks by their way of interpreting it anyway its all a made up thing so nobody's hurt
iHammad Newbie

iHammad

Posted
Posted
They are not original Hadiths buddy. I was only making fun of some people taking things literally and making a big issue out of small, unimportant things. Islam is a beautiful religion, its only a few people who become laughing stocks by their way of interpreting it anyway its all a made up thing so nobody's hurt
After that post, I have now decided to read the whole thing :regular_smile: I know you didn't make it up on purpose to hurt someone's feelings now.
CSK Fan Newbie

CSK Fan

Posted
  • Author
Posted
It wasnt that funny, raises the occaisional smile. Sorry. Weve been spoilt by the likes Bumper, standards are high.
Thats ok, I will try to live to your standards, lol
DomainK Newbie

DomainK

Posted
Posted
Everything was hilarious except the part making fun of a hadith.
He was not making fun of a hadith. He was making fun of the idiots who misinterpret unsubstantiated hadiths to do idiotic things.
Guest Gunner

Guest Gunner

Posted
Posted

MTC well done, definitely put a big grin on my face this morning. :haha::haha::haha::haha:

CSK Fan Newbie

CSK Fan

Posted
  • Author
Posted

When I made this post, I had used the "reciting the quran" as a qualification criteria just as a means to evoke laughter. Little did I know that real life often beats you to the punch. If you thought reciting Quran as a way to elect a captain is something absolutely ridiculous, take a gander at this http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887323916304578402441974815454.html

ISLAMABAD—Pakistan's election authorities have begun forcing candidates for parliament to prove their Islamic credentials, often in front of TV cameras, in a test of whether any space remains for secularism in the country's politics. In the run-up to May's election, many politicians filing their candidacies are being asked to recite verses of the Quran or prayers, in scenes that have been shown repeatedly on television. So far, no one has been reported to have been disqualified over the issue. The ordeal proved embarrassing for Usman Sharif, a candidate for the hard-line religious Jamaat-e-Islami party, in the southern city of Karachi. He was asked to recite the third of the six pronouncements of Islamic faith, or kalimas, but he gave the first instead. He was then informed he would be disqualified unless he was able to recite a certain prayer, which he managed. He was told to return later for further grilling. "This is the Islamic Republic of Pakistan and we should know the answers to these questions about Islam," said Mr. Sharif. "Anyone can make a mistake, like I did."

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...