punjabiplaya Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 My wife was in the bathroom for hours getting dressed to go out when finally she swung open the door and asked "tell me honestly, do i look fat in this?". I replied "yes love, but to be fair, its a small bathroom" :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
asterix Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I was stumbling down the road after a skinful after work when a police car pulled up beside me. 'What are you up to?' asked the policeman. 'I'm off to the Paki shop to abuse the cu*t and give him a slap,' I slurred. 'Talk like that gets you a ride in this cop car lad. So get in the back now... he shuts in five minutes and you won't make it on time on foot.' :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 Some African bloke walked into my pub holding a bucket this afternoon. He handed it to me and said "Can you fill this up with water?". "Feck me" I said, "how many miles have you walked for this?". He said "None you cheeky cu*t, I'm the new window cleaner".. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Sachin=GOD Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 to provide stability, the US will now divide Libya into 3 parts - premium, unleaded and diesel
asterix Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 ^ S=G That's not even phunny.. Please no moar PJs.. :headshake:
punjabiplaya Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 In a joint venture the BBC and Disney are producing a documentary about the life of an average paki Birmingham family. It's called 101 damn asians
punjabiplaya Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 I was out walking my dog earlier when an old granny shouted at me "You make sure that you pick that sh*t up you dirty bast*rd" "Calm down luv," I replied, "let me wipe my ar*e first".
punjabiplaya Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 Felt sh*t this morning. That's the last time I buy tesco value toilet paper
punjabiplaya Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 Little johnny draws a co*k on the blackboard. The teacher shocked rubbs it off. Johhny draws a bigger one, teacher rubbs it off again. Johnny draws a huge co*k on the blackboard and as the teacher goes to rubb it off he say " Miss you know the more you rub it the bigger it grows!"..
punjabiplaya Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 What's the difference between JLS and blackcurrants? The letters rra
punjabiplaya Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 For years i thought my wife had tourettes. But apparently she really does think i am a cu*t
punjabiplaya Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 A gay guy goes for a tattoo for his boyfriends birthday. "What does he like?" the tattooist asks. "Boxing" he replies. "why dont you get Mohammed Ali on your left bum cheek and Mike Tyson on ur right?".. "ok" he says. he gets home and shows hìs boyfriend his tattoos. "you're fecking mad" he says. "Why?" he asks. "cos if you think i'm gettin in the ring between them two you can feck right off
punjabiplaya Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 Paddy murphy went 2 d hospital as his wife was having a baby. D nurse said 'congratulations ur wife has had quintuplets, 5 big baby boys!' The irish man says 'i am not surprised, i have a willy like a chimney'. Nurse says 'u better get it cleaned cause they r all black
punjabiplaya Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 Channel 4 is doing a documentary about a nig*a producing cocaine in his bedroom . . . . . . . . . . . . It's called 'Chocolate And His Charlie Factory'
punjabiplaya Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 What does Gaddafi have in common with Freddie Mercury? They both died after some guy shot into their sewage pipe.
punjabiplaya Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 Police marksmen covering the disturbances at Dale Farm have been required to open fire three times. They won a goldfish, teddy bear and inflatable hammer ...
punjabiplaya Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 My mother in law came round this morning. That's the last time I buy chloroform at Lidl
Laaloo Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Little johnny draws a co*k on the blackboard. The teacher shocked rubbs it off. Johhny draws a bigger one' date=' teacher rubbs it off again. Johnny draws a huge co*k on the blackboard and as the teacher goes to rubb it off he say " Miss you know the more you rub it the bigger it grows!"..[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
1983-2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 THE CREATION OF A VAGINA: Seven wise men with knowledge so fine Created a pussy to their design. First was a butcher, smart with wit, Using a knife, he gave it a slit. Second was a carpenter, strong and bold, With a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole. Third was a tailor, tall and thin, By using red velvet, he lined it within. Fourth was a hunter, short and stout, With a piece of fox fur, he lined it without. Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell, He threw in a fish and gave it a smell. Sixth was a preacher whose name was McGee, He touched it and blessed it and said it could pee. Last came a sailor, a dirty little runt, He sucked it and ****ed it and called it a ****
1983-2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Statement: Kim Kardashian ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. Punchline: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
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