punjabiplaya Posted February 14, 2012 Author Posted February 14, 2012 Husband & wife decide to make up a password for sex. (they choose the phrase washing machine). They go to bed & husband says "washing machine". Wife says "not tonight I've got a headache". Half an hour goes by & she feels guilty so she says "washing machine". Her husband replies "it's too late, it was only a small load so i've done it by hand"
punjabiplaya Posted February 14, 2012 Author Posted February 14, 2012 I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller the other day. Apparently, 'a meal for two with a terrible view' isn't the best way to announce number 69
punjabiplaya Posted February 14, 2012 Author Posted February 14, 2012 Valentines day dinner £70. Drinks £50 taxi £20 hotel £300. the look on your face when she says she's on her period- priceless.... The look on her face when you tell her its goin up her ar*e. Quality. :haha:
shinchan Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 Luis Suarez has apologised for not shaking hands with Evra. "I didn't realise it was him," he said. "They all look the fecking same." :giggle:
shinchan Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 I recall my first time with a condom, I must have been 16.I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, "No, this is my first time."So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty."Just a minute." she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside."Do these excite you?" she asked.Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was shake my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on.As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her knickers and sat down at a desk."Well, come on," she said, "we don't have much time."So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW. I was done within a few minutes.She looked at me with a bit of a frown, "Did you put that condom on?" she asked.I said, "I sure did." and held up my thumb to show her.She fainted. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabi_khota Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller the other day. Apparently' date=' 'a meal for two with a terrible view' isn't the best way to announce number 69[/quote'] HAHAHAAAAAAA :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Sidhoni Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 Aajkal ki ladkiyon ki dress- Yahan se less Wahan se less ... Kabhi sleeveless Kabhi backless.. . . . . . . . Aur koi ladka ghoor kar dekhe to"KUTTA KAMINA SAALA CHARACTERLESS!! !" ;-)
Sidhoni Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 I recall my first time with a condom, I must have been 16.I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, "No, this is my first time."So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty."Just a minute." she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside."Do these excite you?" she asked.Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was shake my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on.As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her knickers and sat down at a desk."Well, come on," she said, "we don't have much time."So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW. I was done within a few minutes.She looked at me with a bit of a frown, "Did you put that condom on?" she asked.I said, "I sure did." and held up my thumb to show her.She fainted. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :cantstop::cantstop::cantstop:
gaurav92 Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 Aajkal ki ladkiyon ki dress- Yahan se less Wahan se less ... Kabhi sleeveless Kabhi backless.. . . . . . . . Aur koi ladka ghoor kar dekhe to"KUTTA KAMINA SAALA CHARACTERLESS!! !" ;-) Aur aapka yeh joke tha bilkul tasteless :facepalm:
1983-2011 Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a women, the G-spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
1983-2011 Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 I can't believe drinking costs the NHS £2.7bn a year. I'm definitely going to their Christmas party.
1983-2011 Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 My girlfriend broke up with me this Valentine's for my inappropriate sexual innuendos before cumming. Asking her if I could send my millions of Jews to Auschwitz didn't seem to impress her.
1983-2011 Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 My room mate gave me a pill that he said would increase my chances of getting laid. It didn't work though, I just passed out. All it did was give me a sore ****.
punjabiplaya Posted February 17, 2012 Author Posted February 17, 2012 I phoned the Council & told them I'd ra*ed a fat ginger bird the night before. The woman who answered said, "You should be phoning the Police, not the Council" I replied, "Feck off, I'm not ringing to confess, I want the fecking street lights in the park fixing"
punjabiplaya Posted February 17, 2012 Author Posted February 17, 2012 I went for a testicle check up last week. The little Thai nurse cupped my balls & said, "Don't worry, it's quite normal to get an erection during this procedure" I said "I haven't got an erection" She said "No, but I have !"
punjabiplaya Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 I saw a prostitute with no arms the other day. I asked her if it affected her work in any way!... She said she couldn't give a toss!
punjabiplaya Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 The taxman has taken over Ibrox & decided they're gonna rename the stadium the Inland Revenue Arena...... The IRA for short.... Although It's only provisional at the moment...
punjabiplaya Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 Taking the family to see The Muppets at the weekend, I don't really want to go,i fecking hate having a Aresnal season ticket .
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