Lord Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 A man & his wife agreed that any time they wanted to make love they would call it a ''PHONE CALL'' One day the husband send his son to tell his mother that he wanted a ''phone call'..... Mom replied tell daddy she doesn't have network... Husband: Tell your mother if there is no network I will go to public phone... Mother: Tell your dad if he dares to go 2 public phone i will open call centre at home! :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 My wife caught me in bed with her sister... god she went mental... I was only supposed to be helping her with her homework.
punjabiplaya Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 I woke up this morning to find my girlfriend in kinky underwear stroking my body, begging me to tease her. 'Alright then fatty!' wasn't exactly what she had in mind. :hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 My son caught me shagging our neighbour last night. I went into his bedroom this morning, put £20 in his pocket and said, "Nobody must ever know about this, if anybody ever asks you about it then you don't remember a thing, especially in front of your mum, ok?" "I don't know what you're talking about" he replied. I said, "That's it, good lad." Five minutes later my wife came up to me and said, "Jack has just told me that he caught you having sex with another woman last night." I looked at him and said, "You little fecker, I want that £20 back." He said, "What £20?" :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 The other night my girlfriend and I had parked in a quiet road for a bit of fun when a policeman caught us. He gave me a ticket for doing 69 in a 30mph zone... :winky:
punjabiplaya Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 In the supermarket today, I was walking past a little paki kid who was picking things off one of the shelves. His mum said; "Please don't touch, Mahboob." I said; "Feck off, woman. I was nowhere near them."
Manny_Pacquiao Posted May 15, 2012 Posted May 15, 2012 The other day in Pakistan, a 42-year-old man married a 14-year-old girl. Apparently, the marriage caused a huge controversy in Pakistan because they're not even related :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: quality bruv
punjabiplaya Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 The wife asked me last night if I could be more like Man Utd during sex."What do u mean?" i asked. She replied "Stay on top for ages and then come second
punjabiplaya Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 Liverpool fans have always thought of 'King Kenny' as one of there own.... He is now - He's unemployed. :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Wardens funeral, a voice from inside screams "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!" The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters "Too fecking late pal, the paperworks already done
punjabiplaya Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 The man who took Ryanair to court for losing his luggage has lost his case
punjabiplaya Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 I was getting chatted up by some bird in a nightclub last night, she said to me "Have you got a nickname?" i replied "Well my mates all call me the sledge" . "Why because your sleek and fast?"she giggled. I said "No, its because I always get pulled by dogs."
punjabiplaya Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 I was asked the question, If I could get rid of any race in the Olympics, what one would it be? I said the Paki's! Unfortunatly everyone else said the 800 meters. :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 A suspected pakistani terrorist was shot dead this morning by metropolitan police marksman. When asked why the body had 265 bullets in it, a police spokes man replied.... Thats all we had!!!
punjabiplaya Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 My window cleaner knocked at the door this morning ... Shouting and Swearing ..... I thought feck me, he's lost his rag.
punjabiplaya Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 A black man walks into a cafe and the woman behind the counter asks, "can I help you sir?" The black man replies, "just a bacon sandwich please". 10 minutes later the woman returns to his table with a can of Carling in between two slices of crusty bread. The black man says "wot de feck is dis bi*ch?" She turns round and says "it's wot u asked for u tw*t - a beercan sandwich".
punjabiplaya Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 How do you get a cork back into a champagne bottle? Ask a Man United fan.
punjabiplaya Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 Sergio Aguero? - £38 million. Edin Dzeko? - £27 million. Mario Balotelli? - £20 million. Watching United fans getting stung in the last minute when they thought they had the title won? - Priceless!!!!!!
punjabiplaya Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 I could hear the wife moaning about a wobbly shelf in the kitchen. I soon fixed that. I turned the telly up. :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 The husband lay dying. The wife was by his bedside, he said in a tired voice,"there's something I must confess." "Shhh", said the wife, "there's nothing to confess, everything's alright." "No" the husband replied "I must die in peace. I had sex with your sister, my sister your best friend, her best friend ,my mum and your best friend's mum!" "I know," she whispered, "that's why I poisoned you, you paki bastard
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