punjabiplaya Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 saw this girl crying in a pub, so I went up to her and asked what was wrong. "I split up with my boyfriend, because he's a sexist pig." "I'm a great listener, if you want to tell me more," I replied. "You don't even know me," she cried, "why would you want to listen to me?" "Because you have massive tits." :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?" "Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test." 'Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance. "That's right," Socrates continued, "Before you talk to me about Diogenes let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man said, "Actually I just heard about it." "All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?" "No, on the contrary..." "So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?" "No, not really." "Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?" The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was shagging his wife.
punjabiplaya Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.. The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne,too!' 'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... I am celebrating' 'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman. 'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?' 'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!' 'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.' 'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?' 'I used a different co*k,' he replied. The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.' :hysterical:
suraj Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.. The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne,too!' 'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... I am celebrating' 'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman. 'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?' 'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!' 'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.' 'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?' 'I used a different co*k,' he replied. The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.' :hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 Playa's jokes are just :hysterical::hysterical:... :two_thumbs_up:
punjabiplaya Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 There was a Japanese who went to India for sightseeing. On the last day, he hired a cab and told the sardar to drive to the Airport.During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan !!!. After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi and again the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!" And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!" The sardar was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was 800 rupees. !!!! The Japanese exclaimed, "What?? Why is it so expensive!" There upon, the sardar yelled back, "Meter, Made in India VERY VERY FAST !!!!! :cantstop:
Sid Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.. The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne,too!' 'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... I am celebrating' 'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman. 'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?' 'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!' 'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.' 'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?' 'I used a different co*k,' he replied. The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.' :hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 I was trying to put an Ikea shelf together the other day. After about 3 hours, shelf still in bits, the wife came in, sneered at me and said, "Shall I get my Father round?" I said, "Feck off smartarse, when you give me a cr*p blow job I don't ask you to get your fecking mother round do I?"
punjabiplaya Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 What berries do fat people enjoy the most? Cadburys
punjabiplaya Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 What is nasal sex?" I replied, "Feck knows".
punjabiplaya Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 What's the best thing about calling a racehorse "MyFace?" Hearing everyone shout - "Come on MyFace!"
Sid Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I was trying to put an Ikea shelf together the other day. After about 3 hours, shelf still in bits, the wife came in, sneered at me and said, "Shall I get my Father round?" I said, "Feck off smartarse, when you give me a cr*p blow job I don't ask you to get your fecking mother round do I?" :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 reactions after an car accident.. Americans: It's Fine Man British: I' am So Sorry Australians: No Worries Mate Germans: Are You Ok? INDIANS: Andha Hai kya, bhen***d.. Chuti*e Ki Tarha Chala Raha Hai, Bhosdi ka.. Tere Baap Ka rasta He kya, Mad*rchod..Bahar Nikal ,Teri Ga*nd Maarunga, ch**iya saala.
punjabiplaya Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 I rang Babestation the other night and the woman said "Hi sexy, what can i do for you? I said "Fecking hide, my wife's coming and ive lost the remote! :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 I got on the bus today where there was a fat women driver. When I put my money into the machiene she asked, 'single?' I replied, "yeah but I'm not interested thanks." :haha:
Crookbond Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 A man & a woman who never met before, find themselves on upper & lower berth of a long distance train.At 2 am, Man leans over saying,"Ma'm, sorry to bother you, Would you be kind enough to give me a 2nd blanket from the side table. Its awfully cold. :) "I have a better idea",she replied,"Just for tonight, why don't we pretend that we are married !! "Great idea Madam.". He replied in excitement. ;) She says,"Well then Get up & take it yourself." :D
Laaloo Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 Wife: honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear! Husband: kitchen, living room, dinning room, patio
Tiger-Don Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Doctor: "You're having twins!" *Girl starts to cry* "Aren't you happy?" Blonde: "I am, but I don't know who the second father is!"
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