adi B Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 A woman comes home to find her man blow drying his ****. She says “what on earth are you doing?! He says “warming up your dinner!â€
adi B Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 An old lady visits the dentist, sits on the chair, takes off her panties, & opens her legs wide. Dentist says “im not a gynocologist” She says “i know, i just want you to take my husbands teeth out!”
adi B Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 A man walks around the beach looking for something to cool him down in the heat. He sees an icecream shop with a sign outside, “Any flavour icecream you want made here”. Curious, he walks in… Hi, can you really make any flavour ice creams? He asks. Yep. Anything, the guy behind the counter answers. Thinking of something difficult, he says… OK, I’ll have a fish and chips ice cream. The shop attendant scratches his head. Give me 2 mins. Two minutes later, he returns with an ice cream. The customer tries it. Hmm, I can taste the fish, but what about the chips? Turn it round the shopkeeper says. Sure enough the other side tasted of chips. Impressed, he orders another one. This time, I’ll have an ice cream of Bangers and Mash. Give me 5 minutes he says. 5 mins later he returns with an ice cream. Sure enough, it tastes of Bangers. Where’s the mash the customer asks… Turn it round. Sure enough, Bangers and Mash. Impressed, the customer thinks for a while. OK, this is going to be difficult. Give me an ice cream that tastes like a womans fanny! The shopkeeper thinks for a minute. OK, give me 10 mins. After 10 mins, he returns with an ice cream. The customer tastes it. Ugh! Sick! This tastes like ****! The disgusted customer exclaims! The shopkeeper says… Turn it round.
adi B Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 A man is visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan from his wife. He rushes out and tells the doctor. The doctor says this is amazing and is a real break through. The doctor the suggests the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn’t want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks “what happened?” To which the man replies, “She choked.”
adi B Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, “Father, I’m 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. Both of them. Twice. The priest said: “Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?” “Never Father, I’m Jewish.” “So then, why are you telling me?” “Hell! I’m telling everybody!”
adi B Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 It was the mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup’s bottom edge. “All this was just too wonderful for words,” he said, “but what’s the dollar for?” “Well,” she said, “last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you.” He said, “F##k him, give him a dollar.” The lady then said, “The breakfast was my idea.”
adi B Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 I was on the bus when a paki came and sat right next to me. So I farted hard to neutralise the smell.
adi B Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realized she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him. 'Hello', he blurted out, 'Business trip or vacation?' She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, 'Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States.' He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, sitting right next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, 'What's your business role at this convention?' 'Lecturer,' she responded. 'I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.' 'Really', he smiled, 'what myths are those?' 'Well,' she explained, 'one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed, when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish.' Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. 'I'm sorry,' she said 'I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!' 'Tonto,' the man said. 'Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy.' :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical:
adi B Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 I was standing in a queue behind a fat woman with a huge ar*e when her phone started bleeping.. A little boy behind her said "feck me she's reversing!!" :cantstop:
Lord Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball. Seeing no one around that it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust. "Tennis ball," came the breathless reply. "Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful. I had tennis elbow once."
punjabiplaya Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 I like everyone else woke up the other morning thinking. Is It a girl? Is it a boy? Nothing to do with the Royal baby though, more to do with a cheap hooker in Thailand.
punjabiplaya Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 What does the KKK call their guillotine? Black head remover
punjabiplaya Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 What's black and sadly no longer with us. Slavery.
punjabiplaya Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 What do black men do after sex? 15 years to life.
punjabiplaya Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 What do you call a nigg*r hitchhiker? Stranded
punjabiplaya Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 Why don't black people get sunburnt? Prisons are indoors.
punjabiplaya Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 Two Radical Pakistanis boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat... Just before takeoff, a Sardarji sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, Sardarji kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Paki in the window seat said, 'I need to get up and get a coke.' ' Don't get up,' said the Sardarji , 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it for you.' As soon as he left, one of the Paki picked up the Sardarji ‘s shoe and spit in it. When the Sardarji returned with the coke, the other Paki said, 'That looks good, I'd really like one, too.' Again, the Sardarji obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Paki picked up the Sardarji ‘s other shoe and spit in it. When the Sardarji returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the Sardarji slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Paki neighbors . . . 'Why does it have to be this way?' 'How long must this go on . . . ? This fighting between our nations . . . ? This hatred . . . ? This animosity . . . ? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes . . . ? :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
bihutoli Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 A man finds a beautiful girl in an airline uniform at an airport cafe sitting next to him.. He thinks to himself ''She is a flight attendant, but which airline does she work for. ??'' Hoping to get her attention he leans towards her and says the Jet airways slogan ''The Joy Of Flying''.. She doesn't pay any attention.. Again he leans and says the Kingfisher's slogan ''Fly the good times" and again gets no response.. Again he leans over to say Spicejet's slogan "Flying for everyone".. This time the girl turns and says to him- ''Kya takleef hai re tere ko Haramkhor..?? Man leans back, smiles and says ''Ahhh.... Air India...!!!
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