SLICKR392 Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 A husband and wife are watching a TV show about psychology that explains the phenomenon of "mixed emotions." The husband turns to his wife and says, "honey, that's a bunch of crap. I bet you couldn't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time." She says. "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick.
SLICKR392 Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber look around the shop and says "about 2 hours," and the guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks..."how long before I can get a haircut?" Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says "about 2 hours." The guy leaves. A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks "how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says "about an hour and a half". The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says "Hey, Joey, I'll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes." In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says, "this must be good, where did he go when he left here?" Joey says, "To your house!"
gaurav92 Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber look around the shop and says "about 2 hours," and the guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks..."how long before I can get a haircut?" Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says "about 2 hours." The guy leaves. A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks "how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says "about an hour and a half". The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says "Hey, Joey, I'll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes." In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says, "this must be good, where did he go when he left here?" Joey says, "To your house!" :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Not saying my missus is a greedy fat cow, but I've just seen her cleaning the Oven with 2 slices of bread!
punjabiplaya Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 How are tornadoes and pakis similar? It only takes one to ruin the whole fecking neighborhood :--D
punjabiplaya Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 I'm in a pretty dark place at the moment. I'm on holiday in the Caribbean.
punjabiplaya Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 A girl in china lost her virginity at 12. Her name was "Sum Yung Ho" :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 I bought Alex Fergusons autobiography. I thought I'd got to the end but six more pages appeared. :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Was going to write a joke about my black friend But he already stole the punchline
punjabiplaya Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 I have just lost my job at a genetics lab for trying to cross a lemming with a Paki :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 I was just complementing the girl at the end of my street on her Jessica Alba looks and her nice new g-string....but then it suddenly dawned on me that she can't hear me through my binoculars.... :--D
punjabiplaya Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Just bought the Wife a Pug dog. Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes, rolls of fat & being ugly as feck, the dog seems to like her!!! :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Have you ever seen twenty pounds all crumpled up?"...the woman asked her husband. "No"...said her husband. She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse...and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra...and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note. He took the crumpled twenty pound note from her ...and smiled approvingly. "Have you ever seen fifty pounds all crumpled up?"... she then asked her husband? "No ..no, I haven't" ...he said (with an anxious tone in his voice). She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer knickers... and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note. He took the crumpled fifty pound note... and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation. "Now" ...she said. "Have you ever seen £10,000 all crumpled up?" "No, never" ...he said (while obviously becoming even more aroused... and excited). "Well, go and look in the garage!"...she said.
punjabiplaya Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 "How come you always fall asleep after sex?" asked my wife. "Because it's a long walk home from your sisters," I replied :two_thumbs_up:
gaurav92 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Best joke of the moment Mitchell Johnson :nice:
Laaloo Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 How are tornadoes and pakis similar? It only takes one to ruin the whole fecking neighborhood :--D :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
SLICKR392 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Why are black guys so good at basketball? Because all you have to do is run, shoot, and steal.
SLICKR392 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 A little boy walks into a wh0r* house with a $100 bill and a dead frog. He goes to the pimp and asks for the ho with the most venerial diseases. The pimp is surprised but gives the boy his ho. After the boy does his deed, the pimp asks why he wanted the ho with all the venerial diseases. The boy answers: When I go home, I will get a babysitter while my parents go out to eat and I’ll f**k her. When my parents get home, my dad will drive the sitter home and screw her in the car. Tonight, my parents will f**k. Tomorrow, after my dad leaves for work, my mom will do the mailman, AND THAT THE SON Of A BI**H WHO RAN OVER MY FROG !!!!!
SLICKR392 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Two nuns, Sister Mary and Sister Elizabeth are walking through the park when they are jumped by two thugs. Their habits are ripped from them and the men begin to sexually assault them. Sister Elizabeth casts her eyes heavenward and cries, "Forgive him Lord, for he knows not what he is doing!" Sister Mary turns and moans, "Oh God, mine does!!!"
punjabiplaya Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 I had to take my son out of the house today because my neighbour was watching porn really loud. However when I walked past his window, I discovered it was womens tennis. :hysterical:
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