punjabiplaya Posted October 16, 2014 Author Posted October 16, 2014 I had sex with my young, blonde secretary, and made her promise to keep it a secret. A lot of good that did. I told everyone myself :--D
punjabiplaya Posted October 16, 2014 Author Posted October 16, 2014 I've just spiked my wife's drink for sex. I've got about 6 hours to get to her sister's and back before the sleeping pills wear off. :yay:
punjabiplaya Posted October 16, 2014 Author Posted October 16, 2014 A hot bird i had shag*ed weeks ago n never called greeted me by name in the pub the other night. "You have me at a disadvantage." I said. "Can't remember my name?" She asked. "No, it's not that..." "I'm with my wife." :haha::haha::haha:
Laaloo Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 I've had a severely painful and stiff knee for months now, but a visit to the doctors' today gave me back my mobility. The second that nig*er in the waiting room began coughing, I ran like feck. :hysterical::cantstop::hysterical::hysterical::cantstop::cantstop::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
kumar713 Posted October 18, 2014 Posted October 18, 2014 Boy: "Do you want to play the fire engine game?" Girl: "How do you play that?" Boy: "My fingers are the fire engine and I drive up your legs. You say 'Red light!' when you want me to stop." Girl: "Okay, let's play." After a few seconds... Girl: "Red light!" Boy: "Fire engines don't stop for red lights." :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
kumar713 Posted October 18, 2014 Posted October 18, 2014 I love having a Chinese girlfriend. When she walks in on me fecking her friends, I can always lie, "But darling, I thought it was you." :hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::haha:
punjabiplaya Posted October 18, 2014 Author Posted October 18, 2014 Sometimes, my secretary reminds me of my wife. I was unbuttoning her shirt the other day during our lunch break when she said, "Remember, you have a wife." :--D
punjabiplaya Posted October 18, 2014 Author Posted October 18, 2014 kids eh??????? Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the colour of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought for a moment, and then said, "So why's the groom wearing black?" :hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted October 18, 2014 Author Posted October 18, 2014 I was at a club with my wife when a beautiful woman came over and said, "Do you want to come to the toilets with me and have some wild sex?" I said, "Oh, this is awkward... Will you just leave us alone?" She said, "Oh sorry, I didn't realise you were married." I said, "I wasn't talking to you." :haha::haha::haha::haha:
punjabiplaya Posted October 20, 2014 Author Posted October 20, 2014 A salesman knocks at the door of a home and it's answered by a twelve-year-old boy with a cigar in one hand and a half-empty bottle of scotch in the other. The salesman asks the boy, "Excuse me, son, but is your mum or dad in?" To which the boy replies, "Does it fecking look like it?" :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted October 20, 2014 Author Posted October 20, 2014 My mate asked, "What would you do if you had Richard Branson's money?" I said, "Probably spend it before he noticed it was missing." :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted October 20, 2014 Author Posted October 20, 2014 My mate asked, "What would you do if you had Richard Branson's money?" I said, "Probably spend it before he noticed it was missing." :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted October 20, 2014 Author Posted October 20, 2014 "You must have been alone for quite some time", said my new girlfriend as she was getting naked in front of me. "How do you know", I asked her. "Because you just put a tenner in my thong." :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted October 20, 2014 Author Posted October 20, 2014 im not tight i said to my mates listen what happened to me yesterday.... A hot girl in front of me at the self service checkout today left her purse on the side, so I did the right thing and called her back. "Excuse me" I said. "Would you like to go out for dinner tonight? My treat". :--D
kumar713 Posted October 21, 2014 Posted October 21, 2014 Sometimes, my secretary reminds me of my wife. I was unbuttoning her shirt the other day during our lunch break when she said, "Remember, you have a wife." :--D :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
kumar713 Posted October 21, 2014 Posted October 21, 2014 I was at a club with my wife when a beautiful woman came over and said, "Do you want to come to the toilets with me and have some wild sex?" I said, "Oh, this is awkward... Will you just leave us alone?" She said, "Oh sorry, I didn't realise you were married." I said, "I wasn't talking to you." :haha::haha::haha::haha: :haha::haha::haha:
kumar713 Posted October 21, 2014 Posted October 21, 2014 A salesman knocks at the door of a home and it's answered by a twelve-year-old boy with a cigar in one hand and a half-empty bottle of scotch in the other. The salesman asks the boy, "Excuse me, son, but is your mum or dad in?" To which the boy replies, "Does it fecking look like it?" :haha: :cantstop::cantstop:
kumar713 Posted October 21, 2014 Posted October 21, 2014 My mate asked, "What would you do if you had Richard Branson's money?" I said, "Probably spend it before he noticed it was missing." :cantstop: :haha:
kumar713 Posted October 21, 2014 Posted October 21, 2014 im not tight i said to my mates listen what happened to me yesterday.... A hot girl in front of me at the self service checkout today left her purse on the side, so I did the right thing and called her back. "Excuse me" I said. "Would you like to go out for dinner tonight? My treat". :--D :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted October 21, 2014 Author Posted October 21, 2014 Dentists have finally identified the biggest problem in women's dental health. Answering back. :cantstop:
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