punjabiplaya Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 After shag*ing a fat chick whilst I was drunk the next morning I said to her, "Here, if you want to see me again, call this number." "Awww, men don't usually give me their numbers," she responded. I said, "It's not mine. It's Weight Watchers." :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 I saw some gorgeous identical twins standing at the bar last night. Lovely pair of jugs on each of them n both with the tightest as*ses u can imagne... I staggered over and said, "Do you ladies fancy coming back to my place for a threesome?" "You're drunk aren't you?" they asked. "No," I slurred, "What makes you think that?" They said, "I'm standing here on my own." :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 i mean come on.....I was just being a gentleman.. "My, your breasts look really heavy. Let me hold them for you" is the exact words I used..... your honour. :--D
velu Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 i mean come on.....I was just being a gentleman.. "My, your breasts look really heavy. Let me hold them for you" is the exact words I used..... your honour. :--D :hysterical::hysterical:
CSK Fan Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Tell me your sources Someone has to make up these jokes. But who? Have you know anyone who has created jokes? No, they have all heard it from someone or read somewhere. They were all created by aliens to control and test humanity. Source - Asimov
punjabiplaya Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 I'm not too good at having relationships. I like sensible women. I was dating this one girl - we went to a nice restaurant, then she asked me back to her place for coffee. I thought "Yeah, I'm in there!" Then she says to me "You must know, I don't sleep with a guy until I've known him for 6 months." I said "That's cool, that's very sensible of you. Just gimme a call in 6 months, yeah?" :--D
punjabiplaya Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 I pulled this bird last night and we went back to hers for sex. After 30 seconds of sticking it in her I gave an almighty roar, shot my bolt and collapsed on top of her exhausted. Disgusted by this, she pushed me off and said,’ You told me you were a tiger in bed.’ I said,’ Nah, I was lion.’ :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 my wife says im never romantic.. so i got thinking... I told my wife I had something romantic planned for tonight. "Ah, thats so sweet", she said. "Yeah, I'm gonna put glasses on your ar*e so when I feck you it looks like you're giving me a blow-job" Not what she was hoping for!!!!! :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 A man goes to his Dr. and says "I can't remember if my wife has TB or VD" The Dr. says "chase her around the bed - if she coughs - feck her." :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 My wife just asked me to throw her the remote control for the TV. I threw her vibrator instead. She asked, "What's that for?" I said, "I'm watching the footy - go feck yourself!" :haha:
CricketPlayer92 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 My wife just asked me to throw her the remote control for the TV. I threw her vibrator instead. She asked, "What's that for?" I said, "I'm watching the footy - go feck yourself!" :haha: Hahahaha :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted January 20, 2015 Author Posted January 20, 2015 My gay neighbour said, "I've got a date tonight, and he's sooo handsome!" I replied, "What do you care? You'll mostly be looking at the back of his head anyway."
punjabiplaya Posted January 20, 2015 Author Posted January 20, 2015 It is a proven fact that stripping burns 200 calories an hour, increseases flexibility and hardens muscles... And that's just for the men spectating. :hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted January 20, 2015 Author Posted January 20, 2015 My wife said, "I want a straight answer... did you pay for sex with a prostitute on your stag weekend?" I said, "No, definitely not, no way... the lads paid." :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted January 21, 2015 Author Posted January 21, 2015 Heard that 15000 CCTV cameras are being installed in Delhi for Obama's visit. This is ridiculous. Just because he's black doesn't mean he'll steal anything :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 A teenage girl came home from school and asked her mother, "Is it true what, Rita just told me, that babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" "Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. "But then, when I have a baby," the teenager pondered, "won't it knock all my teeth out?" :haha::haha:
punjabiplaya Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 I was talking to a hot girl from work who has just been offered a position in another department, she asked me what I would do if I was her. "Have a long shower" was not the response she was after. :--D
punjabiplaya Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 I nervously approached an unbelievably hot girl in a bar last night.. "You have the most beautiful eye's" i said sheepishly "Come again"? she said with a smile. "And your hearing is fecking amazing" i replied red faced, trying to hide my co*k!! :hysterical::hysterical:
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