punjabiplaya Posted May 19, 2010 Author Posted May 19, 2010 What's the difference between ur job & the missus. After 10 yrs ur job still sucks!
punjabiplaya Posted May 19, 2010 Author Posted May 19, 2010 Just received a parcel from Holland today. I opened it up and there was a Rubber f*nny inside. I thought "That's nice, Two lips from Amsterdam"
mywork08 Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Lightbulb joke collection 64 Q: How many trainspotters does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Three. One to change it, one to write its serial number down, and one to bring the anoraks and the flask of soup. Q: How many [cricket] Test Match Special commentators does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Four. One to change it, one to eat the lovely chocolate cake sent in by the Bournemouth Womens Institute, one to say "Now when was the last time we had to change a light bulb on-air - wasn't it 1989 at Lords ?" and one to comment on the lovely red bus going down the Oxford Road. Q: How many Blue Peter presenters does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Two. One to change it, and one to turn the old one into an attractive Christmas tree decoration. Q: What if you have *two* dead bulbs? A: They replace your fuse box. Q: How many system administrators does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they just deny everyone access to the area served by the light bulb in question. Q: How many Systems Assurance testers does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: None. We just noticed the room was dark. We don't fix the problems, we just find them. Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb? A: As many as you want; they're all virtual, anyway. Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb? A: One, but first he has to determine the correct path.
Sachinism Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 In a run-down part of East London recently, a fire destroyed a dilapidated four-storey house that had been divided into four flats. cheats lived on the first floor, and all six tragically perished in the fire. A group of seven Islamic welfare cheats, all illegally in the country, lived on the second floor, and they too, all perished in the fire. Six Albanian, gang-banger, ex-cons - all claiming political asylum and living off the state for free - occupied the 3rd floor and they too, died. And one middle-aged British white couple lived on the top floor. They miraculously survived the fire. The Equal Opportunities Commission, Amnesty International, Human Rights activists, black community leaders and the British Islamic Council were all furious at the apparent racial inequality of the situation. Why were just the British white couple saved ? It was monstrous they claimed, and showed that systemic 'racism' still existed in all areas of public service. Questions were raised in the House of Commons, the popular media picked up the story and within hours it was national and indeed international news.. Mayor of London Boris Johnson, when questioned, stated calmly that it would be unwise to jump to conclusions until the Police and Fire Service had completed their report. He closed by stating that he expected their initial assessment would be available within the next 36 hours - so perhaps it would be best to let the experts gather the evidence and report back before he commented any further. The baying Press pack subsequently reported the interview in such way as to intimate that the Mayor was indifferent to suffering and was out of touch with the feelings of the whole East London community ! A large motorcade of representatives from all five groups, together with former Home Secretary Jacquie Smith, drove to the area and demanded a meeting with the local chief fire officer. They made sure that a large pack of popular Press and TV had been briefed on the visit and so the motorcade was met by a huge gaggle of journalists, TV interviewers and cameras. On camera, they loudly demanded to know why the Africans, Black Muslims and Albanians all died in the fire and only the white couple had survived. The chief fire officer quietly replied:- . . . . .. . . . .(wait for it -keep going) . . . . "They were out at work."
punjabiplaya Posted May 22, 2010 Author Posted May 22, 2010 How fast can you guess the words? 1.BOO_S 2._ _NDOM 3.F_ _ K 4.P_ N_S 5.PU_S_ 6.S_X Answers: 1.BOOKS 2.RANDOM 3.FORK 4.PANTS 5.PULSE 6.SIX You got all 6 wrong, didn't you? You dirty minded sod!!!
punjabiplaya Posted May 23, 2010 Author Posted May 23, 2010 Paddy goes to confessions, "Bless me father, I had sex with Fanny Green every wk for last month!". Priest gives him 5 Hail Marys for penance. Murphy goes in next, "Bless me father, I had sex with Fanny Green twice a wk for the past month!". He gets 10 Hail Marys! Priest enquires who this woman is and is told she is new in town. Next morn at mass a beautiful woman sashays up the aisle wearing a green mini skirt and matching green shiny shoes! She sits in the front seat, her long slender legs slightly apart - Sharon Stone style! The priest and altar boy cannot take their eyes off her! The priest composes himself and whispers to the altar boy "Is that Fanny Green?" "No!", he says "I think its just the reflection off her shoes!". . . .
punjabiplaya Posted May 24, 2010 Author Posted May 24, 2010 hate women that wear stupid amounts of make-up. My wife has just the right amount of foundation on her face. She's buried under the house.
punjabi_khota Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Just seen a pitbull attacking a paki in the park.My bird screamed at me to do something... Apparantly putting a tenner on the dog to win wasn't what she meant. :hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
imran666 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 its my first time checking the jokes thread and iam amazed at the amount of racism in this thread towards pakistanis .. i loved the cricket talk thread coz most ppl there r quiet intellegent but here its like a jungle .. iam not kind of the guy who wishes bad things to ppl who wish me or my country bad things .....AND BTW i have lots of indian friends and thank god they r not like most of u ppl (not all since ives seen some great kind indian friends here )... ADMINS CAN U DELEATE MY ACCOUNT PLZ TY
Jadoo Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 ^^ Don't take it too seriously they are only jokes. If we start being too PC about this and other threads on the jokes section than half the jokes will not even be funny.
punjabiplaya Posted May 28, 2010 Author Posted May 28, 2010 Paddy tells Mick he's thinkin of buying a labrador. Feck off say's Mick. "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
punjabiplaya Posted May 28, 2010 Author Posted May 28, 2010 Those 3-D TVs are realistic.. I nodded off while watching a Liverpool match and some fecker nicked my wallet!
Temujin Khaghan Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 why is ash still not pregnant? bcoz abhishek is still playing ungli cricket.
gaurav92 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 ^:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Riley's Girl Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 How fast can you guess the words? 1.BOO_S 2._ _NDOM 3.F_ _ K 4.P_ N_S 5.PU_S_ 6.S_X Answers: 1.BOOKS 2.RANDOM 3.FORK 4.PANTS 5.PULSE 6.SIX You got all 6 wrong, didn't you? You dirty minded sod!!! :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 Feckin hell, that serial killer was good. Findin 3 white girls in bradford can't have been easy :hysterical:
shubham45 Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 why is ash still not pregnant? bcoz abhishek is still playing ungli cricket. hahahahahaahha:haha::haha::haha:
Jadoo Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Feckin hell, that serial killer was good. Findin 3 white girls in bradford can't have been easy :hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
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