Dark Warrior Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Two junkie Indian injected curry powder instead of heroin, they were both rushed to hospital... Ones in a korma, and the others got a dodgy tikka. ========================= Note to self: When people say '**** me', don't begin touching them. Its just a phrase.
Dark Warrior Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 One day God called Adam to him and said: "Adam, I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?" "The good news," replied Adam. ..."Well, the good news is I gave you a penis and a brain." "OK.." said Adam warily. "And what's the bad news?" "I only gave you enough blood to operate one at time." ============= First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden. Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing' ." After casting about for a suitable pearl, He kept messing around and created a girl. ...... Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender, Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender. Two lovely hips to increase his desire, And rounded and firm to bring out the fire. Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud, Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud. Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you, And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you. Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder, And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder. 'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing. Then he added a mouth. Ruined the whole ****ing thing.
Dark Warrior Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 A waiter approached our table and asked us if we enjoyed our meal. "It was absolutely delicious, I ate every last bit!" said my wife. "And Sir?" said the waiter. "How did you find the pork belly?" ... "Oh, about six years ago, we met on holiday." ====================== Why did God invent yeast infection? So women know what it feels like to live with an annoying ****. ========================== A man & his wife are on a safari. She has the sandwiches & drink & he has a shotgun & a camera. All of a sudden a lion comes running out of the bushes, grabs the woman by her leg & starts dragging her into the undergrowth. She yells "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, SHOOT, SHOOT." He stands there staring & says "I can't I've run out of film."
Dark Warrior Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 "Help protect Australian movies from piracy". Who the **** in their right mind would want to download an Australian-made movie?
Dark Warrior Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 I saw a fit girl in a really short skirt today. I thought, "**** me, if it was any shorter, she'd need another lipstick!" ---------------------------------------------- What's the little bumps around a woman's nipples for? It's braille for 'Suck here'. ------------------------------------------ A single spelling mistake caused my divorce. I went to Amsterdam and sent my wife a text: "Having the most amazing and wonderful time... wish you were her".
Dark Warrior Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Here's a dilemma for you... With all your honor and dignity what would you do? This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you ...stand morally. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line - this is important for the test to work accurately. You're in Pakistan. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a extreme rainfall and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a professional photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destructive power and is taking everything away with it. Suddenly you see a man in the water, he is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer. It's the president of Pakistan! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him away, forever. You have two options. You can save him or you can take the best photo of your life. So you can save the life of the Pakistan President, or you can shoot a prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the death of this powerful man. And here's the question (please give an honest answer): Would you select colour film, or rather go with the simplicity of classic black and white?
DomainK Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Here's a dilemma for you... With all your honor and dignity what would you do? This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you ...stand morally. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line - this is important for the test to work accurately. You're in Pakistan. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a extreme rainfall and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a professional photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destructive power and is taking everything away with it. Suddenly you see a man in the water, he is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer. It's the president of Pakistan! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him away, forever. You have two options. You can save him or you can take the best photo of your life. So you can save the life of the Pakistan President, or you can shoot a prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the death of this powerful man. And here's the question (please give an honest answer): Would you select colour film, or rather go with the simplicity of classic black and white? :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: I would select colour film. I can always use Photoshop later for effects.
punjabiplaya Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 "Good Morning this is Pakistani Radio Sports News............. And 1st we'll start with the Results, for tomorrows game....
punjabiplaya Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 News Today ..'Wayne Rooney in new escort girl scandal' ....'The shame and publicity means my partner may never forgive me', said the prostitute.
punjabiplaya Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 The Pakistan President Asif Ali Zardari says "The big problem we have is the mopping up after the floods, All our main spongers are in the U.K
Dark Warrior Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 My wife told me that she wanted to give me a deep throat blow job today. "Really!?" "No," she replied, "April Fogarbnsrgabsjg...." ... That'll teach her to try to be funny...
Dark Warrior Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 There are only ten times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use: 10. What the **** do you mean we're sinking? - Capt. E.J Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912 9. What the **** was that? - Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945 ...8. Where did all these ****ing Indians come from? - Custer, 1877 7. Any ****ing idiot could understand that. - Einstein, 1938 6. It does so ****ing look like her! - Picasso, 1926 5. How the **** did you work that out? - Pythagoras, 126 BC 4. You want WHAT on the ****ing ceiling? - Michelangelo, 1566 3. Scattered ****ing showers, my ****! - Noah, 4314 BC 2 Aw c'mon. Who the **** is going to find out? - Bill Clinton, 1999 1. Geez, I didn't think they'd get this ****ing mad. - Saddam Hussein, 2003
Dark Warrior Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Rumour has it that the floods in Pakistan were started by a suicide plumber!
punjabiplaya Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 I remember during the world cup shouting at the tv screen "Rooney you fat fecker, you couldn't score in a brothel!" How stupid do I feel now!? Dear Colleen, If you want to get your own back, give us a ring Love, John Terry
punjabiplaya Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 Apparently, Alex Ferguson had an 80's themed party for his players. Giggs arrived in a Cavalier, Scholes in a Sierra and Rooney chose to come in an Escort
Gunner_Mania Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Apparently, Alex Ferguson had an 80's themed party for his players. Giggs arrived in a Cavalier, Scholes in a Sierra and Rooney chose to come in an Escort :hysterical::hysterical:
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