gaurav92 Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 A blind man goes to see a prostitute. On feeling her pimply face, he recoils in horror! Feeling hurt, the prostitute says to him, "It's only a bit of acne." The blind man replies, "Thank feck for that, I thought it was the price list!" :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted October 18, 2010 Author Posted October 18, 2010 Essex girl in car crash says "i think i have concussion" paramedic asks "how many fingers have i got up?" the girl replies "oh god, my f*nny's paralysed too!"
Dark Warrior Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I carved my girlfriends name into a tree today. To remember where the **** I buried her.
Dark Warrior Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Impress your friends this year at halloween.All you need is an old suit ,a bag of cement and a briefcase.Wear the suit and pour the bag of cement all over yourself and the briefcase.Your friends will ask, "What the **** are you meant to be?"Just tell them, "I'm a ****ing 9/11 survivor."
punjabiplaya Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 How did they take the chilean miners out? Juan by Juan
Dark Warrior Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 For Halloween I'm going to wear a pacman suit and chase Muslim women in burkas around the Mohammad Ali Road!
Sachinism Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 If a woman admits she is wrong, is she still wrong?
Dark Warrior Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 My attractive female neighbour is completely paranoid. She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is.....purified? Oh wait petrified, sorry it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.
punjabiplaya Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 Peter Andre's applied for a job in a chilean coal mine. He's got four years experience humping slag and lifting a heavy spade.
EnterTheVoid Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 Peter Andre's applied for a job in a chilean coal mine. He's got four years experience humping slag and lifting a heavy spade. Oh man :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: ...
punjabiplaya Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 Bloke proposes to girlfriend but tells her he has a deformity, my penis is baby-size. His girlfriend tells him i will marry u and learn to live with ur baby-size penis. They marry and on the honeymoon they start touching each other. She slides her hand in his pants, screams and runs. He runs after her totally embarrassed! U told me ur penis was baby-size she says. It is, he explains, its 8lb 7oz and 18 inches long! Xmx
punjabiplaya Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 A woman has just looked thru the window while I was having a w*nk. She slowly walked up to the glass and mouthed the words, "GET THE FECK OUT OF MY GARDEN!!".
punjabiplaya Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 I was in Tesco earlier when a man started attacking me with milk and cheese. How dairy!
punjabiplaya Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 Paddy drags a huge box to the Antiques Roadshow in Dublin. "Where did you get this from?" asks the expert. "It's been in my loft for 40 years. Think it's an heirloom" says Paddy. "Do you have insurance?" asks the expert. "No, should I?" asks Paddy. "Yeah," says the expert "it's your water tank!"
punjabiplaya Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 "Give it here!" "No, its mine!" "Let me have it" "It's my turn" "U had it last" "Feck off!" "Come on gimme it." "No way!" ..Siamese twins having a w*nk.
Dark Warrior Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 ‎*Rajnikant had died 20 yrs ago..death hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet. *Rajnikant can finish mario bros without using the jump button. *Rajnikant doesn't pay attention- attention pays him. *Rajnikant stared at the sun for hours..the sun then blinked. *Rajinikanth once entered a race, he came first, second & third. *Rajinikanth once wrote a cheque, the bank bounced.
Dark Warrior Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Batman, Superman, Spiderman......... all visit Rajnikant every year on Guru Poornima...
Dark Warrior Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Rajnikanth was bragging to Amitabh Bachan one day, "You know, I know everyone. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them. Tired of his boasting, ...Amitabh Bachan called his bluff, "OK, Rajini how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it" Rajini said. So Rajini and Amitabh Bachan fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, And sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts : "Thalaiva! Great to see you! You And your friends come right in and join me for lunch!" Although impressed, Amitabh Bachan is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Rajini that he thinks Rajini knowing Cruise was Just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else" Rajini says ... "President Obama", Amitabh Bachan quickly retorts ... "Yes", Rajini says, "I know him. And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Rajini on the tour and motions him, saying, : "Rajini, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up". Well, Amitabh Bachan is much shaken by now, but still not totally onvinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," Amitabh Bachan replies ... "Sure!" says Rajini, "My folks are from Italy and I've known the Pope a long time". Rajini and Amitabh Bachan are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Rajini says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.. Sure enough, half an hour later Rajini emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Rajini returns, he finds that Amitabh Bachan has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to Amitabh Bachan's side, Rajini asks him, "What happened?" Amitabh Bachan looks up and says, "I was doing fine until u and the pope came out on the balcony and the Italian man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Rajini?"
punjabi_khota Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Rajnikanth was bragging to Amitabh Bachan one day, "You know, I know everyone. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them. Tired of his boasting, ...Amitabh Bachan called his bluff, "OK, Rajini how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it" Rajini said. So Rajini and Amitabh Bachan fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, And sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts : "Thalaiva! Great to see you! You And your friends come right in and join me for lunch!" Although impressed, Amitabh Bachan is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Rajini that he thinks Rajini knowing Cruise was Just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else" Rajini says ... "President Obama", Amitabh Bachan quickly retorts ... "Yes", Rajini says, "I know him. And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Rajini on the tour and motions him, saying, : "Rajini, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up". Well, Amitabh Bachan is much shaken by now, but still not totally onvinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," Amitabh Bachan replies ... "Sure!" says Rajini, "My folks are from Italy and I've known the Pope a long time". Rajini and Amitabh Bachan are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Rajini says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.. Sure enough, half an hour later Rajini emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Rajini returns, he finds that Amitabh Bachan has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to Amitabh Bachan's side, Rajini asks him, "What happened?" Amitabh Bachan looks up and says, "I was doing fine until u and the pope came out on the balcony and the Italian man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Rajini?" :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Sid Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Rajnikanth was bragging to Amitabh Bachan one day, "You know, I know everyone. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them. Tired of his boasting, ...Amitabh Bachan called his bluff, "OK, Rajini how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it" Rajini said. So Rajini and Amitabh Bachan fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, And sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts : "Thalaiva! Great to see you! You And your friends come right in and join me for lunch!" Although impressed, Amitabh Bachan is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Rajini that he thinks Rajini knowing Cruise was Just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else" Rajini says ... "President Obama", Amitabh Bachan quickly retorts ... "Yes", Rajini says, "I know him. And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Rajini on the tour and motions him, saying, : "Rajini, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up". Well, Amitabh Bachan is much shaken by now, but still not totally onvinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," Amitabh Bachan replies ... "Sure!" says Rajini, "My folks are from Italy and I've known the Pope a long time". Rajini and Amitabh Bachan are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Rajini says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.. Sure enough, half an hour later Rajini emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Rajini returns, he finds that Amitabh Bachan has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to Amitabh Bachan's side, Rajini asks him, "What happened?" Amitabh Bachan looks up and says, "I was doing fine until u and the pope came out on the balcony and the Italian man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Rajini?" :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
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