Laaloo Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Chatting with a bull, a turkey sighed and said, "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, the turkey reached the second branch. Finally, after a week, there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon, though, the turkey was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey from the tree. Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there!
punjabiplaya Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 Gotta new job at the old folks home as a comedian.Bless em, they dont get the jokes . . . . . . but they still p*ss themselves!
punjabiplaya Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 paki fresh over in uk Sent his washing to the cleaners the other day with a note enclosed - 'please be using more soap powder on pants'. When the laundry came back there was another note attached - 'use more paper on ass'!!
punjabiplaya Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 I just lost my job from the car wash after a Pakistani asked, "How much for a full wash?" "We only do cars," was apparently not a suitable response.
punjabiplaya Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 What do you call an Indian with pink hair? Ghandifloss. Female drivers. The reason people look both ways when crossing a one way street
punjabiplaya Posted November 12, 2010 Author Posted November 12, 2010 You wont hear from me for a while mate, Being investigated for stealing swimming pool inflatables, so I need to lilo!!
punjabiplaya Posted November 12, 2010 Author Posted November 12, 2010 3 men die on Christmas Eve. To get into heaven St. Peter says, "You must have something on you that represents Christmas." The Englishman flicks on his lighter & says it's a candle. St. Peter lets him pass. Welshman pulls out a set of keys, jingles them & says they are bells. St. Peter lets him pass. The Irishman pulls out his 10 inch c*ck & St. Peter says, "How the **** does that represent Christmas?! Paddy says, "It's a fecking cracker isn't it!"
punjabiplaya Posted November 12, 2010 Author Posted November 12, 2010 Somebody keeps posting n*ggers through my letterbox. I think i'm being blackmailed
EnterTheVoid Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 I just lost my job from the car wash after a Pakistani asked' date=' "How much for a full wash?" "We only do cars," was apparently not a suitable response.[/quote'] Female drivers. The reason people look both ways when crossing a one way street :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted November 12, 2010 Author Posted November 12, 2010 paki recently joined one of those online dating websites. he was asked to describe his ideal woman, so he put: 'I love girls from page three they are so sexy!' At first he wondered why he didn't get any responses, then he remembered his 'P' button is broken.
EnterTheVoid Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 paki recently joined one of those online dating websites. he was asked to describe his ideal woman, so he put: 'I love girls from page three they are so sexy!' At first he wondered why he didn't get any responses, then he remembered his 'P' button is broken. dude
punjabiplaya Posted November 12, 2010 Author Posted November 12, 2010 OFFICIAL POLICE warning about KEYS! Home-owners are being warned about a bunch of keys that can open:-75% of homes & 85% of cars. They are:- Dar-keys Pak-keys Pie-keys and Jun-keys
Dark Warrior Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 I walked past a house today that was on fire, six paki's were hanging out the window screaming ''SAVE US'' ''SAVE US'', so i did!....... as my new screensaver...
punjabiplaya Posted November 13, 2010 Author Posted November 13, 2010 Scouse girl says 2her boyfriend ''How dare you call me a slapper. Get out of my bed right now...and take your feckin mates with you!''
punjabiplaya Posted November 13, 2010 Author Posted November 13, 2010 Sex is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. :winky:
Dark Warrior Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16 year olds. She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him. 'You Okay?' She says. 'Yes' he says. 'You can go play with the other kids you know' she says. 'It's best I stay here.' he says. 'why?' says the blonde. He says ' because I'm the ****ing goal-keeper.'
punjabiplaya Posted November 13, 2010 Author Posted November 13, 2010 Pakis are like empty coke cans in the street. They haven't done anything wrong but everytime you see one, you get the urge to kick the fecker !
punjabiplaya Posted November 13, 2010 Author Posted November 13, 2010 My wife has been missing a week now. Police have told me to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back
punjabiplaya Posted November 13, 2010 Author Posted November 13, 2010 An 50yr old indian taxi driver man walks into Jewellers with a gorgeous 25yr old fit blonde & asks 4 a special ring 4 the lady, jeweller says "Here's one £5000." Old man says "No I want a very special ring." So he pulls 1 out £65,000, he says "That's the 1, I'll write a cheque & when it clears on Monday we'll come & fetch it." On Monday jeweller phones old man & says "There's no money in the account." Old man says "I know, but can U imagine the feckin weekend I've had!!"
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