punjabiplaya Posted December 27, 2010 Author Posted December 27, 2010 Got a chinese take out last night & as I got in the car, I heard the bag rustle, so I looked over & saw a pair of eyes looking out the top of the bag at me, then disappear back inside. I was so scared I nearly **** myself! I looked again, saw the eyes looking at me, then dissapear again. I ran back into the shop with the bag & asked the chinese guy what the feck was going on. He said "You no worry, it peking duck!"
Laaloo Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 They've just introduced a black character into the cluedo game...but it ****s the game up' date=' because you know who's done it right from the start[/quote'] If u woke up with a bad taste in your mouth. Don' date='t worry santa only cums once a year![/quote'] :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 HAPPY NEW YEAR. I know i'm early, i can't help it, i suffer from premature congratulation..
punjabiplaya Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 Elton John was changing the nappy on his new son and he turned to his husband and said, "He reminds me so much of you, David" David says, "Why, is it his cheeky little smile?" "No," says Elton. David asks, "Is it his cute little nose?" "No, it's not that" says Elton. David says, "Then it must be the colour of his eyes?" "No," says Elton "He's got sh*t on his dick"
punjabiplaya Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 I said, "Fancy a feck tonight?". My wife said, "In your dreams" I said, "Are you having a laugh? In my dreams I feck your sister
punjabiplaya Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 Fate is like gettin ****d- if u cant fight,learn to njoy it. Work is like group sex- 10 Ppl r behind ur ass to take ur place. Education is like hiring a prostitute-It needs both money and hard work. Success is like masturbation- Only ur own hand can let u acheive it. Now dats how i explain Fecking life !
punjabiplaya Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 Trading standards finally admitted why golliwogs were banned from marmalade labels. Its because n*ggers were peeling them off and using them as passport photos
punjabiplaya Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 A bloke is sunbathing with nothing but a hat covering his co*k! Two women walk past and one sniggers and says "if you were a gentleman you would lift your hat to a lady!" The bloke replies, "if you weren't so fecking ugly the hat would lift itself!"
punjabiplaya Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 Lahores famous Dr amjad khan sleeps with one of his patients in a weak moment. He is tortured with guilt. In one ear his conscience is saying. . . . . You are a single man. Dont worry about it. . . . . In his other ear his conscience is saying . . . . . . . . .you are a fecking vet you sick bastard.
punjabiplaya Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 An ugly paki girl asked me what reincarnation means. I said its when u die n come back as sumthin else. She says Oh I'm gonna come back as a Dog. I said You aint feckin listening love!
Sachin=GOD Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 A bloke is sunbathing with nothing but a hat covering his co*k! Two women walk past and one sniggers and says "if you were a gentleman you would lift your hat to a lady!" The bloke replies' date=' "if you weren't so fecking ugly the hat would lift itself!"[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 This sexy bird looked at my beer belly and said "Is that Carlsberg or Tetleys?" I said "There's a tap underneath love if u wana taste it!
punjabiplaya Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 shoiab &abdul are at the morgue to identify salmans's body that's badly burnt. shoiab goes to look first, he turns the body over, looks at his bum & says, "Thats not Salmans!" abdul goes next, he turns the body over, looks at the bum & also says, ''Thats not Salmans!'' The Doctor asks, "How do you know its not him? shoaib says, "Because when we all used to go out, people would say, ''Here comes Salman with the two ass holes!"
punjabiplaya Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 An old man and an old woman sit in the park everyday. Their too old to have sex, so she just holds his co*k for an hour or so... This happens every day, till one day he's not there. She goes to look for him, and there he is, on another bench, with another old woman holding his co*k. She gets very jealous and asks,''what the feck's she got that i haven't?'' he replies, ''parkinsons!'' :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 If ur lover is overweight encourage them to walk 3 miles in the morning and 3 miles in the evening. by the end of the week the fat b*stard should be 42 miles away!
punjabiplaya Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 A farmer in sialkot has successfully grown a field of vibrators . . . . . Unfortunately he now has a problem with squatters!
punjabiplaya Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 Big Bad Wolf tells Little Red Riding Hood unbutton ur top so i can suck ur t*ts. feck off she says pulling down her knickers, eat me like the fecking book says!
Laaloo Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 A bloke is sunbathing with nothing but a hat covering his co*k! Two women walk past and one sniggers and says "if you were a gentleman you would lift your hat to a lady!" The bloke replies' date=' "if you weren't so fecking ugly the hat would lift itself!"[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
asterix Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 An old man and an old woman sit in the park everyday. Their too old to have sex, so she just holds his co*k for an hour or so... This happens every day, till one day he's not there. She goes to look for him, and there he is, on another bench, with another old woman holding his co*k. She gets very jealous and asks,''what the feck's she got that i haven't?'' he replies, ''parkinsons!'' :hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Laaloo Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 shoiab &abdul are at the morgue to identify salmans's body that's badly burnt. shoiab goes to look first' date=' he turns the body over, looks at his bum & says, "Thats not Salmans!" abdul goes next, he turns the body over, looks at the bum & also says, ''Thats not Salmans!'' The Doctor asks, "How do you know its not him? shoaib says, "Because when we all used to go out, people would say, ''Here comes Salman with the two ass holes!"[/quote'] :cantstop:
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