Laaloo Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.He decides to test it at dinner.DAD: Son' date=' whereWere u today during school hours?SON:At school*Robot slaps Son*SON:OK,I went to the moviesDAD:Which one?SON:ToyStory*he slaps son again*SON: OK, it was day with a pornstarDAD:WHAT? When I was ur age I didn't even know what porn was!*he slaps dad*MOM:HAHA!After all he's ur son*he slaps mom[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Ram Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.He decides to test it at dinner.DAD: Son' date=' whereWere u today during school hours?SON:At school*Robot slaps Son*SON:OK,I went to the moviesDAD:Which one?SON:ToyStory*he slaps son again*SON: OK, it was day with a pornstarDAD:WHAT? When I was ur age I didn't even know what porn was!*he slaps dad*MOM:HAHA!After all he's ur son*he slaps mom[/quote'] :haha:
gaurav92 Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.He decides to test it at dinner.DAD: Son' date=' whereWere u today during school hours?SON:At school*Robot slaps Son*SON:OK,I went to the moviesDAD:Which one?SON:ToyStory*he slaps son again*SON: OK, it was day with a pornstarDAD:WHAT? When I was ur age I didn't even know what porn was!*he slaps dad*MOM:HAHA!After all he's ur son*he slaps mom[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Sid Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.He decides to test it at dinner.DAD: Son' date=' whereWere u today during school hours?SON:At school*Robot slaps Son*SON:OK,I went to the moviesDAD:Which one?SON:ToyStory*he slaps son again*SON: OK, it was day with a pornstarDAD:WHAT? When I was ur age I didn't even know what porn was!*he slaps dad*MOM:HAHA!After all he's ur son*he slaps mom[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 A man, An Ostrich and a cat walk into a bar. Barman says ''What will you be having?'' the man and the ostrich say ''half a pint please'' the cat answers ''Me too, but i'm not paying!'' ''Okay then that will be £6.76'' says the barman. So the man pulls exactly £6.76 out of his pocket, drinks his pint and leaves.The next day the three come back again, the barman asks ''what today lads?'' this time they all reply ''A pint please'' then the cat says ''But i'm not paying!'' the barman serves their drinks and says ''£11.62 please'' so the man pulls £11.62 out of his pocket, drinks his pint and leavesFor a third straight day the group come in, the Barman asks ''Hi, what today?'' the man and the ostrich say ''a pint please'' while the cat answers ''just half a pint today, But i'm not paying!!'' ''£9.48 mate please'' asks the barman, so as usual the man pulls out exactly £9.48 out of his pocket but before he has chance to drink his pint the barman asks ''Excuse me mate, but what is it with you three?''the man replies ''well, i once was given three wishes by a genie first, I asked to always have the right amount of change in my pocket.'' ''useful'' replied the barman.''''then, I asked for a bird with long legs and a tight pussy''
punjabiplaya Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 Yank : FBI agent, Brit : MI5 agent, Russian : KGB agent, Paki : Newsagent!
punjabiplaya Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 Paddy and Murphy are shooting pheasants in the Irish countryside when a black man flies over in a hang glider. They immediately open fire trying to blow holes in it. "What the feck was that?" says Paddy. "Feck knows!" says Murphy, "but whatever the feck it was it sure wasnt letting go of that n*gger!!!"
punjabiplaya Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 Gujrati boy says 2 his dad "theres a man at the door asking for a donation towards a swimming pool" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . dad replys "ok give him a glass of water"!
punjabiplaya Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 A deep-sea diver is twenty feet below sea level when he sees another guy with no scuba gear. He goes down another thirty feet, and the guy with no equipment stays with him. He takes out a waterproof chalkboard and writes, "How the hell can you stay down this deep without equipment? The guy takes the chalkboard and writes, You ass hole, I'm drowning! :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 Wife comes home early & catches hubby having a wa*k in the kitchen. She rushes over & gives him the blow job of his life. After it he says...'We havnt had sex for 6 mths & suddenly this! Why?' She answers...l only washed the floor this morning. I'd rather brush my teeth than clean the feckin floor again!
punjabiplaya Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 Freezing temperatures in Brixton this morning.... Reports say it was so cold a black man was seen with his hands in his OWN POCKETS!
punjabiplaya Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 Just been watching a lesbian porn 3D Blu-ray on my HD TV. For added effect I put 2 open cans of tuna on the radiator. It's like I'm in the room! :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 He's half a boy and half a girl torres torres, he looks just like a transvestite torres torres, he wears a frock he loves the co*k, he drinks the cum from Romans co*k, fernando torres cashleys bit on the side nanananananana Hes now a blue he was a red, Torres Torres! Hes left the kop to join The shed, Torred Torres! He used to go out on the rob but now hes got a proper job Fernando Torres chelseas number 9!
punjabiplaya Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 After both suffering depression, me and my wife were going to commit suicide today. Strangely enough, when she killed herself, I felt much better, so I thought feck it, I'll soldier on... :hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 Shellsuits, Lonsdale, Donnay, Le coq sportif & now Andy Carroll ..... Mike Ashley has been flogging over priced sh*t to scousers for years!
Guest Gunner Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 After both suffering depression, me and my wife were going to commit suicide today. Strangely enough, when she killed herself, I felt much better, so I thought feck it, I'll soldier on... :hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai bird. I thought to myself, 'Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection.' But she did!!
punjabiplaya Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 Old lady in a lift in a shopping mall when two footballers wives enter, the door closes & one wife raises her wrist to the other wife and says "chanel no 5 , 35 pound, selfridges" the other wife does same and says" gucci 65 pounds, harrods" the old lady lifts one leg rips a fart & says "sprouts 99p asda"
punjabiplaya Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 Booked a table for Valentines night for me and the Missus ... I can see it ending in tears though... She's fecking hopeless at snooker!
punjabiplaya Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 Bloke see's advert in pet shop, 'talking centipede',£5000, He buys it, takes it home in small box. After 30mins, opens box and says "would you like to go for a pint". The centipede doesn't answer. Raising his voice he repeats question, still no reply. Getting angry, thinking he's been done, he shouts the question loudly. At which the centipede sticks his head out of his box and says "I heard you the 1st time you cu*t, I'm putting my fecking shoes on! :hysterical:
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