punjabiplaya Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 What does a fat girl and a van load of plasterboard have in common? Both have a 95% chance of being nailed by a Polish immigrant.
punjabiplaya Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 2 old pensioners sitting on park bench 1 turns to the other and asks "did you come on the bus" the other 1 replies " yes but made it look like an asthma attack"
The Outsider Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 An old Parsi is dying calls his grandson to his bed: "Dikraa, aii ley, for you, my chrome-plated .38 revolver." "But Bawaji, I don't like guns. How about u leaving me tamaaru gold Rolex watch instead?" "Chutia, shutup & listen. Someday u have to run maaru business. Someday u gonna come home & maybe find ur fataakri bairi(wife) in bed with some other bhonsrino bhadvo. Chutmarina, what will u do then? Point ur Rolex watch at him and say "Time's up? Brilliant! :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical:
Laaloo Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 An old Parsi is dying calls his grandson to his bed: "Dikraa, aii ley, for you, my chrome-plated .38 revolver." "But Bawaji, I don't like guns. How about u leaving me tamaaru gold Rolex watch instead?" "Chutia, shutup & listen. Someday u have to run maaru business. Someday u gonna come home & maybe find ur fataakri bairi(wife) in bed with some other bhonsrino bhadvo. Chutmarina, what will u do then? Point ur Rolex watch at him and say "Time's up? :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Dark Warrior Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 A man was seated next to a kid in an airplane. D man turned to him n said, "Let's talk". Kid: Okay, what do we talk about? Man (making fun of d kid): How about nuclear power? Kid: But let me ask u a question. Horse, Cow & Deer, all eat grass. Yet Deer excretes pellets, Cow flat potty & Horse clumps. Why? Man: I don't know. Child: Do u really feel qualified enough to discuss nuclear issues wen u don't know shiit?
Dark Warrior Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Two chemists go to a bar. The first one says "I'll have an H-2-O". Then the second one says "I'll have an H-2-O too". He died.
Sid Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Two chemists go to a bar. The first one says "I'll have an H-2-O". Then the second one says "I'll have an H-2-O too". He died. :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 5 pakis were killed in a car crash last night.Police described their condition as, 'satisfactory!'
punjabiplaya Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 Who Wears the Pants? Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat. "Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, "Here, try these on." So, she did and said: "These are too big, I can't wear them.'" So I replied: "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and always will." Ever since that night we have never had any problems." Jack thought that might be a good thing to try. So on his honeymoon he took off his pants and said to Jill: "Here try these on." She did and said: "These are too large, they don't fit me." So Jack said: "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that." Then Jill removed her pants, handed them to Jack and said: "Here, you try on mine." He tried and said: "I can't get into your pants." So she said: "Exactly. And if you don't change your attitude, you never will!'
punjabiplaya Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 A vampire bat arrives back at the cave with his face, mouth & teeth covered in blood! All the other bats get excited & ask where he got it from. "Follow me", he says. Off they fly, over the hills, over the river & into the dark forest. "See that tree over there"? "Yes", they reply. "Well I feckin didnt !"
punjabiplaya Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 My mate asked, "What are you doing for Easter?""Following the example of Jesus", I said.He looked puzzled. "You're going to church then?""No", I huffed. "I'm getting hammered and nailed."
punjabiplaya Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 The teacher said- "Ok class, I'd like you all to tell us what you'd like at home!" Little Susie said- "We need a computer, Miss!" Little Wendy said- "We could do with a car, Miss!" Little Johnny said- "We don't need anything, Miss!" "Come on Johnny" said the teacher. "Everyone needs something?" "No miss," replied Johnny. " Coz my sister came home with her new Paki boyfriend the other night, and my dad screamed- "That's all we Feckin need!"
punjabiplaya Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 IT helpdesk: can I help you? User: yes, I've lost access to the net. IT helpdesk: OK, let's see if we can help. What's your name sir? User: Fernando Torres
punjabiplaya Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 I had an unbelievably strange dream last night. I was at Stamford bridge watching a Chelsea match when Cheryl Cole came up and sat on my knee. Then over the loud speaker a voice said, "The supporter in seat WL7A row 4 seat 194 has won £1,000,000. I thought, feck me can this get any stranger..? Then Torres scored.
punjabiplaya Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 Bloke sat on a bus & a gorgeous woman next to him starts breast feeding her baby. The baby won't take it so she says "Come on, eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man" Ten minutes later, baby's still not feeding so she says again "Eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man" Bloke says "Listen love, can you make your fecking mind up, I should've got off 4 stops ago"
punjabiplaya Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 My new neighbour is half american and half Iraqi, he's his own worst enemy. :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 After our divorce I killed the wife and dumped her body but kept her minge.My new girlfriend has absolutely no inkling when I say I'm going upstairs to have a go on the ex box
Dark Warrior Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 NDTV: Survey shows 8 out of 10 men have watched porn online.The other 2 were too busy to answer.
punjabiplaya Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 Amir asks his wife how many men have you slept with? The wife replies proudly 'only you' the others kept me awake all night! :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 A Paki from Bradford who appeared in "Embarrassing Bodies" was delighted to find out that the red rash around his penis was only his sister's lipstick! :hysterical:
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