Desi Cartman Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 There are many cases where the only male offspring leaves the parents. In some cases, some resident daughters might pay an occasional visit. These are same parents that would have spent a big part of their retirement kitty to fund the offspring's education and immigration. In few years, the NRIs will find the amount trivial ( thanks to their dollar earnings) and fail to recognize that it is an old man's life savings spent unselfishly. In their twilight years, they cannot possibly earn more. Would they rather that their son be a B Com 3rd class pass and work as a clerk in a Govt job but be with them? Who knows? And life does not take anyone anywhere...Our choices do... Jobs take someone born in UP to Hyderabad the same way it can take them to Kaneda. You are confusing the decency of taking care of parents with behavior of NRIs. There are some really good and some bad people, everywhere
Desi Cartman Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 The NRI double standard - Send daughters home This is another take on NRI issue with double standards between Sons and daughters - So indeed, there are NRI parents who feel their daughters are more 'safe' in India than US. ------------------------------------------------ http://www.firstpost.com/living/the-nri-double-standard-daughters-go-home-219752.html Is something wrong with you? What is your point? NRI bad and Indian good? I dont understand the logic here.
Desi Cartman Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 This is the truth unfortunately.... I know one elderly family where their only son went to do MS in US and settled down there and doing well ( their daughter also incidentally is in UK with her husband )...They came and showed us an e-mailed photo of their son with some new car that he bought. They were so proud apparently...It was a mid-range car that any Team Lead level person in Indian IT can easily buy...but for them it was a great deal...their son bought a car and it looked lovely... Few weeks later...their friends invited them over to celebrate their son buying a Hero Honda motorcycle...they went and saw their friends live and laugh with their son and the old man (friend) even sitting behind his son's great asset so far - a motorcycle....where you sit was not as important for them as with whom you sit....Benz with a chauffer is way less than a Luna with son... Nothing can describe their agony...no jealousy about the other family but appeared resigned to their fate....Skype and online gifts is their world ...happy outside...maybe crying inside :(( :headshake: Even if I believe all your "assumptions" , isnt it their life to worry about? cant they pick up the phone and discuss with their son that he should come over and spend time or perhaps realize that if he were in India, he would have done the same? You are generalizing everything
Tiger80 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 So by sending my kids to a decent school and giving them good facilities' date='[b'] I am buying my retirement care? What logic is it? Raising kids is not a sacrifice, its a choice to have kids. I have kids and I take care of them the best I can and yes I will put their needs above mine as they are my kids and I want them to get the best of everything. Thats what parents are supposed to do, its not an EHSAAN. Yes you are .It is the truth that old people survive by the taxes paid by working population in countries where their children don't take care of them So it is O.K for an old person to survive by income of some other person but he /she should not think about children as old age security.no wonder that many european countries are facing extreme low birth rate , but they can easily import young working population from developing nations. imagine if immigration is not an option and 50-70 percent of a society decide not to have children then what will happen to that country when those people grow old. Children will always be a retirement security for old non working population
Cricketics Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I think I am perhaps the only lucky one here. who did not have to worry about leaving any one behind. My whole family(dad's side) moved here together ages ago. We still live together like we used to before. I see life gets challenging for people living overseas without their family members. But I agree with Desi on most of thosep oints.
Desi Cartman Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Yes you are .It is the truth that old people survive by the taxes paid by working population in countries where their children don't take care of them.So it is O.K for an old person to survive by income of some other person but he /she should not think about children as old age security. Even though you are talking about completely different topic but its still flawed, people pay taxes when they work and govt gives them back when they retire. The inflation can change the amount etc but the logic is that you pay for your retirement. no wonder that many european countries are facing extreme low birth rate , but they can easily import young working population from developing nations. imagine if immigration is not an option and 50-70 percent of a society decide not to have children then what will happen to that country when those people grow old. How is it relevant to anything here? Children will always be a retirement security for old non working population Is your point that we need younger people around as old people depend on them in raising food etc then yes. :dontknow: but thats not same as living with parents forever
surajmal Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 First, Attitude of middle class kids in India is no different towards their parents than NRIs' (or increasing becoming similar), so OP's point is moot. Second, ROFLCOPTER at mercenaries getting defensive.
Desi Cartman Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 ^ he mentioned that in some countries where kids dont take care of parents financially. I dont think we are discussing financial support to parents in this thread, if we are then I again dont think its NRI vs Indian living in India question. Its again about how much you care and value your family.
Desi Cartman Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 First, Attitude of middle class kids in India is no different towards their parents than NRIs' (or increasing becoming similar), so OP's point is moot. Second, ROFLCOPTER at mercenaries getting defensive. Can you clarify whom you are calling mercenaries in this thread?
surajmal Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 ^ he mentioned that in some countries where kids dont take care of parents financially. I dont think we are discussing financial support to parents in this thread, if we are then I again dont think its NRI vs Indian living in India question. Its again about how much you care and value your family. And those countries have social security. Parents are a collective responsibility of society. In India, until now atleast, your parents are your esponsibilty.
Desi Cartman Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 And those countries have social security. Parents are a collective responsibility of society. In India' date=' until now atleast, your parents are your esponsibilty.[/quote'] Yes, but my point is that living in India or overseas doesnt change the responsibility. People who care will care even if they are in Bahamas and their parents live in Manipur, the ones who dont care wont care even if they live in the same house so this idea of NRI kids dont care and people living in India do is flawed.
surajmal Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Can you clarify whom you are calling mercenaries in this thread? What are NRI's if not that? Its okay though. You ( or me) aren't alone in carrying a black mark. IT coolies , BPO workers etc in India are sepoys.
Desi Cartman Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 What are NRI's if not that? Its okay though. You ( or me) aren't alone in carrying a black mark. IT coolies ' date=' BPO workers etc in India are sepoys.[/quote'] :giggle: Sab mazdoor hain.. some do mazdoori here some do it there. I am just amazed at the gross generalization. I usually dont debate stuff online but this comparison in the OP is just stupid.
surajmal Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Yes' date=' but my point is that living in India or overseas doesnt change the responsibility. People who care will care even if they are in Bahamas and their parents live in Manipur, the ones who dont care wont care even if they live in the same house [b']so this idea of NRI kids dont care and people living in India do is flawed. I agree very much.
randomGuy Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Have they told you this or is it your guess? Not to me but to my mother....something on that line only.
randomGuy Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Jobs take someone born in UP to Hyderabad the same way it can take them to Kaneda. You are confusing the decency of taking care of parents with behavior of NRIs. There are some really good and some bad people' date=' everywhere[/quote'] Job within India and outside India are two very diff. things. I was in Hyd., used to come every 3-4 months. Parents also came whenever they wanted...also, Hyd mai Hindi chalti hai...so if we had settled there for a long time...parents would feel at home. Also people settling back to home city is common when job is in india but NRI don't want or find themselves unfit to come back. All they (not u but many of them) do is to give excuse like women safety etc. Also For Australia, parents must come back to India after a few months as a govt. rule for the first few times..
Kalia_Test Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 Jobs take someone born in UP to Hyderabad the same way it can take them to Kaneda. You are confusing the decency of taking care of parents with behavior of NRIs. There are some really good and some bad people' date= everywhere Quite simplistic I would say. If we take this route, then even in the other thread of India being unsafe, people can simply say there are good and bad people in both countries, there are safe and unsafe places in both countries and move on. But no - US was more safe as per many. If you cannot distinguish between moving within a country and moving outside a country, then I have nothing else to say on this.
Kalia_Test Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 Is something wrong with you? What is your point? NRI bad and Indian good? I dont understand the logic here. I clearly mentioned in OP why I created the thread. This particular article suggests that there are indeed NRIs who feel daughters are more 'safe' in India and sort of fits in with the broad theme of unexplored / little known issues of people moving out - the TOPIC of the thread. And here 'safety' is a term used broadly including physical safety as well as safe from Cultural invasion. And no - the idea is not to discuss which culture is better,etc - just the fact that those people did not want the Western culture to influence their daughters and felt they were better off staying in India. I myself was an 'NRI' for a decade and may again become one so don't accuse me of taking any sides. It is an open discussion. Let us not make this into us vs them :two_thumbs_up:
Kalia_Test Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 :headshake: Even if I believe all your "assumptions" , isnt it their life to worry about? cant they pick up the phone and discuss with their son that he should come over and spend time or perhaps realize that if he were in India, he would have done the same? You are generalizing everything Assumptions?Generalizing? You really think what was written does not happen? Or you just want to believe in Utopia where the moment the parents remember their son, he comes flying down to settle with them? People staying back in India may or may not take care of parents. Agreed. However, the ones who left abroad made sure they cannot take care of parents ( you talk to any elderly couple and ask them what they value more - physical presence or money transfers. Not to mention medical emergencies,etc where physical presence is way way more important) regardless of intentions - and it was their choice. I mentioned repeatedly that being selfish is not a crime. Resident Indians can be more selfish too. They might 'tolerate' parents for their Property, ill-treat them,etc. Don't mix the two issues. I repeat - this thread is about intended and unintended consequences of sons and daughters moving abroad.
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