Kalia_Test Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 This is prompted by another thread on an NRI woman using excuse of India being unsafe for her daughter ( same India where she presumably grew up and again presumably was safe enough to sit on a plane to US ) to defend her decision ( which was always hers to make - just that the silly excuse was unwarranted ). Just wanted to expand the discussion. No one questions the right of an individual to make a move that makes economic sense. However, the issue is hypocrisy of many NRIs ( not all ) where they try and justify their ( perfectly understandable ) decision for their own well-being on external factors like XYZ is safe, pollution free, I am helping India through remittances,etc. Why is it that difficult to accept that you took a decision for your own selfish reason. Being selfish is not a crime - We are all like that. My intention is to use this thread to cover the often ignored aspects like parents of NRIs who might get money probably but no sight of children in their twilight years - They will happily trade the thousands of dollars for a chance to have breakfast with their sons and grandsons/grand-daughters any day. Will also try and highlight other issues of marriages falling apart, plight of Indian girls that marry unknown NRIs,etc Below is an old but good take on this subject http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/nri/citizen-journalists/citizen-journalists-reports/vrushali-junnarkar/The-untold-story-of-parents-of-NRIs/articleshow/39940919.cms? Hundreds of us Indians emigrate every year: for higher education, lucrative jobs, better lifestyle and to join our spouses abroad. As we inch closer to our goals, dreams become a reality propelling us into the orbit of success. In this process we leave behind all that we wished to escape in India, but at the same time knowingly or unknowingly, we leave behind our biggest treasure - our parents. With a lump in my throat, I write about the people who made it possible for us to get where we are in life. These are the folks who toiled away several years of their youth, spent a chunk of their retirement savings, took out loans and made sure they left no stone unturned to get us to our destination. It is on these stooped shoulders that we stood tall so we could reach unimaginable heights. No, they don't remind us of this. After all, this is what most Indian parents do and how can they have any complaints when they are the much envied, admired parents who managed to run ahead of the rat race and send their offspring abroad. Often perceived as the lucky ones whose children fulfilled their dreams of leaving Indian shores and settling abroad, they are the parents who holiday abroad, get expensive gifts sent by their children and for whom money is not supposed to be a problem. And it's true in most part. But between the broad smiles, behind the cheerful exterior and in those moist, rheumy eyes lies an untold story - A tale of loneliness, anxiety, fear and uncertainty that they would rather leave untold. Here is a look behind the scenes at the lives of parents of non-resident Indians. Once the children have flown the nest, after the initial euphoria has settled, realization dawns that one's children are miles away. Not hundreds, but thousands of miles apart, several hours of travel time away. The anxiety of being away from one's children in times of illness and emergencies sets in. Moreover, worry for the safety and wellness of their children takes over their minds. Regular phone calls are reassuring but knowing that one cannot aid or be aided, long distance, by near and dear ones in times of need, plays on the mind, time and again. Simple chores and mundane errands like going to the bank, standing in queue for a gas cylinder or paying a bill become a challenge. Going to the doctor or dentist becomes an ordeal. They are lucky if still fit and healthy to live on their own and if other children live close by. Otherwise, NRI parents have to depend on neighbours, other relatives and friends who cannot and are not willing to take on the responsibility of the children. Then there is the social loneliness. No one to celebrate festivals with, no one to cook special meals for, Mother's Day and Father's day all celebrated long distance, via Skype and flowers dispatched by online couriers. The need to socialize has given way to NRI clubs in big cities where parents of NRIs come together forming kitty groups and find a pretext to meet up, alleviate some of the loneliness and share experiences. Of course, we invite our parents over to our place and take them around sightseeing and touring. Occasionally, we send them on group Europe tours, with other similar parents. On their visits to us, they get to spend quality time with their grandchildren and all seems well. But once the attraction of sightseeing wears off, settling into the routine in a foreign land different from India gets difficult. We expect them to look after the house, cook, babysit the children and they dutifully oblige. But often, our parents are elderly and it is difficult to adapt to new surroundings where the lifestyle is different from what they are used to in India. Using strange gadgets and equipment around the house like a washing machine or dishwasher, using an awkward slippery bathtub for a shower when they are used to a bucket and mug, using a western-style toilet, using the cooking hob, getting used to fire alarms, wearing unfamiliar winter clothing- all become daunting tasks. Not being able to go out alone by public transport and being dependent on one's children to go everywhere, especially in the US, is something that takes times to get used to. Not having any company of their age is another factor to come to terms with. Once the children have left for work and grandchildren are off to school, there is nobody to see either outside or in the house, with alien television channels for entertainment. The weather is the biggest adversary, especially when it's bitterly cold compelling them to stay indoors for fear of falling down or falling ill. Ill health is a big worry as medical insurance will not pay for a lot of conditions and the last thing they want to do is be a burden on their children in any way. Most parents bring along their medication from India for all the months they will stay abroad and are constantly worried about their medicines falling short or if they need new medication. Spending time with grandchildren can be challenging too as they may not understand their 'foreign' accents and have a hard time communicating if the grandchild does not speak their language and they themselves speak limited English. Our parents come to our rescue in times of need. When we want to pursue higher career goals and need someone to look after our own children and homes, who better than the parents? So parents and in-laws, who are themselves NRI parents, arrive and work in rotation. When one set leaves, the other set arrives and takes over. They do it with a sense of duty, although their duty was completed many years ago when we became adults and left our shores, leaving them to fend for themselves. What about our duty as their children? What do we give them beyond materialistic happiness and intermittent bouts of satisfaction? Making them a visa to relocate abroad is not always desirable, feasible or possible. Most parents prefer to stay on in India in their own homes, persevering independently until they can. It is too much to expect them to start their lives anew in a foreign land. They are happy for us, proud of our achievements and watch our progress from a distance. They are not going to complain and will continue to take things in their stride. Although, the fear of ageing without their children and uncertainty of how life will unfold is at the back of their minds, they will rarely, if ever, give us a glimpse of this unease. There are no easy solutions for some issues. We made a choice in leaving our home and our parents. Having chosen this way of life, we realize that we pay a heavy price for our choices. We learn that money cannot buy our parents' happiness and that one certainly cannot have it all. The least we can do is to be grateful and thankful that we have wonderful parents by celebrating Mother's /Father's Day, every day of the year. But then, shouldn't that apply to all parents, everywhere?
sensible-indian Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Phenomenal article. 100% true. Sending kids to foreign land is not all hunky dory.
gattaca Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Although, the fear of ageing without their children and uncertainty of how life will unfold is at the back of their minds, they will rarely, if ever, give us a glimpse of this unease. This.
Ram Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Has anyone ever written an article about how difficult it is for the NRI to relocate to a different country and acclimatize to a new culture/location, with few friends and without any of the supporting systems they had, at home? Not sure if people in India think most NRIs are just materialistic pigs having a whale of a time, wherever they are.. The truth couldnt be farther from that. Every NRI will have a compelling tale - a tale of adversity, hardship and crisis - behind their lives.
Kalia_Test Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 This is the truth unfortunately.... I know one elderly family where their only son went to do MS in US and settled down there and doing well ( their daughter also incidentally is in UK with her husband )...They came and showed us an e-mailed photo of their son with some new car that he bought. They were so proud apparently...It was a mid-range car that any Team Lead level person in Indian IT can easily buy...but for them it was a great deal...their son bought a car and it looked lovely... Few weeks later...their friends invited them over to celebrate their son buying a Hero Honda motorcycle...they went and saw their friends live and laugh with their son and the old man (friend) even sitting behind his son's great asset so far - a motorcycle....where you sit was not as important for them as with whom you sit....Benz with a chauffer is way less than a Luna with son... Nothing can describe their agony...no jealousy about the other family but appeared resigned to their fate....Skype and online gifts is their world ...happy outside...maybe crying inside :((
Kalia_Test Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 Has anyone ever written an article about how difficult it is for the NRI to relocate to a different country and acclimatize to a new culture/location, with few friends and without any of the supporting systems they had, at home? Not sure if people in India think most NRIs are just materialistic pigs having a whale of a time, wherever they are.. The truth couldnt be farther from that. Every NRI will have a compelling tale - a tale of adversity, hardship and crisis - behind their lives. They always had an option of staying back - no? Resident Indians may not have a problem with NRIs per se but when they go for their mercenary needs and badmouth their own nation, then YES, they will have a problem.
Desi Cartman Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Let me comment on the article Spending time with grandchildren can be challenging too as they may not understand their 'foreign' accents and have a hard time communicating if the grandchild does not speak their language and they themselves speak limited English. My Dadi spoke almost no Hindi and only spoke Himachali, I can understand a little bit of Himachali and found that I was able to communicate with her in Punjabi which both of us could speak (not very well). Now going by the logic, my father should have spent his life in a village near Una in HP and never moved to Chandigarh\UP\Delhi. Our parents come to our rescue in times of need. When we want to pursue higher career goals and need someone to look after our own children and homes, who better than the parents? So parents and in-laws, who are themselves NRI parents, arrive and work in rotation. When one set leaves, the other set arrives and takes over. They do it with a sense of duty, although their duty was completed many years ago when we became adults and left our shores, leaving them to fend for themselves. Thats just cheapness if you are "using" your parents to babysit. I have many friends who never did it, we have never done it. Having said that, what do grandparents in India do when both Beta and Bahu are out for work? Using parents as domestic help is wrong but helping out kids once in a while isnt too bad. Thats what all parents do, everywhere. What about our duty as their children? What do we give them beyond materialistic happiness and intermittent bouts of satisfaction? Making them a visa to relocate abroad is not always desirable, feasible or possible. Most parents prefer to stay on in India in their own homes, persevering independently until they can. It is too much to expect them to start their lives anew in a foreign land. They are happy for us, proud of our achievements and watch our progress from a distance. They are not going to complain and will continue to take things in their stride. Although, the fear of ageing without their children and uncertainty of how life will unfold is at the back of their minds, they will rarely, if ever, give us a glimpse of this unease. Visa is for visiting, spending time and enjoying the company of grand kids. Why is it bad? As for "letting go of kids", isnt it selfish to expect kids to hold themselves back in order to keep them close. Look around you, people who are being held back usually end up being unhappy with their lives and often hate that they have to take care of their parents. There are no easy solutions for some issues. We made a choice in leaving our home and our parents. Having chosen this way of life, we realize that we pay a heavy price for our choices. We learn that money cannot buy our parents' happiness and that one certainly cannot have it all. More emotions! Its pretty simple, good people take care of their family (parents or kids) from anywhere in the world. I know people who have moved back to India to take care of their parents or to visit for extended times, some got their parents to move overseas. Life is more complicated than the generalized version. What I find appalling is that all these articles are emotions, emotions and emotions. Life doesnt work like that, people decide what they want to do and have a right to pursue their dreams. Good kids will always care for their parents and bad wont even if they live in the same room. I dont own\control life of my kids, I wont mind if they move to another country and dont see me as often. Its ok, its their life and its time to explore for them. Lets keep emotions out and think what people need to do to fulfill their own deams and desires, not live your life through your kids. If they are good kids, they will stay in touch and see you once in a while and will take care of you when you need it.
randomGuy Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 My mama (mom's cousin) lives in Perth with family. His parents visit Australia basically to raise their grandchildren (who were born in aust.) . they like aust. a lot but get bored and come back. They say now they won't go and their grandchildren have also grown up a bit and don't require looking after, and so, there is no need. The mama's mother is an osho bhakt but has a slight emotional side too. I guess they now think, kya bas isliye bachche paida kiye the.
Kalia_Test Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 My mama (mom's cousin) lives in Perth with family. His parents visit Australia basically to raise their grandchildren (who were born in aust.) . they like aust. a lot but get bored and come back. They say now they won't go and their grandchildren have also grown up a bit and don't require looking after, and so, there is no need. The mama's mother is an osho bhakt but has a slight emotional side too. I guess they now think, kya bas isliye bachche paida kiye the. True...Most parents of NRIs must be thinking the same way but they will not tell it openly...Society you know...my kids are best...though I see them once every 5 years... And then the hypocrisy of most of the NRIs - My adopted country is safe, daughters are safe...blah blah blah...you went to earn money and enjoy life....admit it openly....no need to badmouth your own nation.... And yes...no matter what anyone else says....NOTHING beats physical presence of offsprings in old age...No dollars,pounds,Skype, fake flowers and cakes,etc.
randomGuy Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 True...Most parents of NRIs must be thinking the same way but they will not tell it openly...Society you know...my kids are best...though I see them once every 5 years... And then the hypocrisy of most of the NRIs - My adopted country is safe, daughters are safe...blah blah blah...you went to earn money and enjoy life....admit it openly....no need to badmouth your own nation.... And yes...no matter what anyone else says....NOTHING beats physical presence of offsprings in old age...No dollars,pounds,Skype, fake flowers and cakes,etc. Very true.
Crookbond Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Has anyone ever written an article about how difficult it is for the NRI to relocate to a different country and acclimatize to a new culture/location' date= with few friends and without any of the supporting systems they had, at home? Not sure if people in India think most NRIs are just materialistic pigs having a whale of a time, wherever they are.. The truth couldnt be farther from that. Every NRI will have a compelling tale - a tale of adversity, hardship and crisis - behind their lives. Yes, they have.
Crookbond Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 More emotions! Its pretty simple, good people take care of their family (parents or kids) from anywhere in the world. I know people who have moved back to India to take care of their parents or to visit for extended times, some got their parents to move overseas. Life is more complicated than the generalized version. What I find appalling is that all these articles are emotions, emotions and emotions. Life doesnt work like that, people decide what they want to do and have a right to pursue their dreams. Good kids will always care for their parents and bad wont even if they live in the same room. I dont owncontrol life of my kids, I wont mind if they move to another country and dont see me as often. Its ok, its their life and its time to explore for them. Lets keep emotions out and think what people need to do to fulfill their own deams and desires, not live your life through your kids. If they are good kids, they will stay in touch and see you once in a while and will take care of you when you need it. Thank you! The control freak nature never ceases to amaze me. That said, many kids also love the "support" - the cocooned comfortable environment. Now, I am not suggesting one is better than the other but with each decision there are pros and cons. You've got to take both - you can't have your cake and eat it too.
dial_100 Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I dont think its fair to expect that every kid will take care of parents. We are moving towards different world now. As long as parents are taken care of, it doesnt matter which one of children parents live with. It is not possible to stick around in a small village with parents all life. For work, we move out. Then life takes us wherever our destiny is. Obviously, the kids who move out leaving their parents behind have least or no ground to complain if same thing were to happen with them when they grow old. But it is all life. My parents have never visited me in US. Not even once. I visit them as much I can. Every life is different. There are some really unfortunate stories out there but it is true even when kids are living in the same town, just 2-3 km apart and still not pay attention to their parents needs who are very old.
Kalia_Test Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 I dont think its fair to expect that every kid will take care of parents. We are moving towards different world now. As long as parents are taken care of' date= it doesnt matter which one of children parents live with. It is not possible to stick around in a small village with parents all life. For work, we move out. Then life takes us wherever our destiny is. Obviously, the kids who move out leaving their parents behind have least or no ground to complain if same thing were to happen with them when they grow old. But it is all life. My parents have never visited me in US. Not even once. I visit them as much I can. Every life is different. There are some really unfortunate stories out there but it is true even when kids are living in the same town, just 2-3 km apart and still not pay attention to their parents needs who are very old. There are many cases where the only male offspring leaves the parents. In some cases, some resident daughters might pay an occasional visit. These are same parents that would have spent a big part of their retirement kitty to fund the offspring's education and immigration. In few years, the NRIs will find the amount trivial ( thanks to their dollar earnings) and fail to recognize that it is an old man's life savings spent unselfishly. In their twilight years, they cannot possibly earn more. Would they rather that their son be a B Com 3rd class pass and work as a clerk in a Govt job but be with them? Who knows? And life does not take anyone anywhere...Our choices do...
Clarke Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 I dont owncontrol life of my kids' date=' I wont mind if they move to another country and dont see me as often. Its ok, its their life and its time to explore for them. Lets keep emotions out and [b']think what people need to do to fulfill their own deams and desires, not live your life through your kids. If they are good kids, they will stay in touch and see you once in a while and will take care of you when you need it. LOL! Its easy to say that now when all is well, I'm not sure if life would be as good if our parents went about holidaying every year and sent us to crappy sarkari schools. We'd probably be cursing them :haha:
Kalia_Test Posted June 9, 2015 Author Posted June 9, 2015 The NRI double standard - Send daughters home This is another take on NRI issue with double standards between Sons and daughters - So indeed, there are NRI parents who feel their daughters are more 'safe' in India than US. ------------------------------------------------ http://www.firstpost.com/living/the-nri-double-standard-daughters-go-home-219752.html by Kamala Thiagarajan In the August of 1976, Shankar* moved to Seattle, USA — his wife and infant daughter arrived from his hometown in Tamil Nadu two years later. A graduate in advertising with an MBA in marketing from an American university, Shankar was proud to have been selected to stay on in a permanent capacity in an American company. It was a milestone that he had to work day and night to achieve. “I had finally arrived,†he says of finally getting his Green Card. Little did he know that in less than a decade, he would return to his motherland, this time of his own free will. It wasn’t family responsibilities or businesses interests in India that drew Shankar back home after so many years abroad. Quite simply, his little girl had grown up. "It just struck me one day when she refused to change out of her jeans for an Indian party we were going to. I also noticed that she never spoke to me in Tamil, even though she understood it perfectly. She was 11 years old then and I didn’t want her to grow up without any sense of her roots. I thought it was worth moving back, just to show her the kind of life and upbringing I’d experienced.†What goes on in the psyche of the young girl who is told that she cannot remain with her parents in the country that they live in, because it goes against their strict moral code? Reuters Fast forward to 2012. Rajeswari* 33, recently moved back to Hyderabad after a six-year stint in the US because her husband had insisted that it was the right thing to do. Uncomfortable with their daughter growing up in the States, the couple had made arrangements for the seven-year-old to live with grandparents who doted on her. “We sent her to India first because we were both working and didn’t want her to be unduly influenced by the American culture,†she says. But when her daughter constantly cried for her and felt severely homesick, her parents urged them to either take her back or join her in India. “They felt that she needed us at this age and it wasn’t right for us to send her away. And we missed her far too much. It was a very difficult time for us.†Both Rajeswari and her husband were just months away from getting their green card at the time. It was something they had worked very hard for. “We had planned to buy a house, save some money for our kids’ college education and our retirement. However, every plan collapsed and it all happened so fast. Within a month, we had wrapped up everything and returned. Though it was a spontaneous decision without much planning/thinking involved, we couldn't be happier now and we’re very glad that we made this choice.†It didn’t help that all their friends felt that the couple was being hasty and making a wrong move. “Only very few people understood us. After all, we had waited for the green card for years and were in the final stages of receiving it... I’ll admit it was a very tough decision, but the bottom line was that we wanted to be with our daughter and we wanted to raise her with good Indian values, so moving to India was the only option we had. My husband and I have no regrets at all about our decision.†Rajeswari admits that there are still no guarantees that her kids would grow up with all Indian values, (especially since India has changed so much and is catching up fast with western trends and lifestyles), but she still feels there is a better chance, now that they’ve done their part. Ironically, nowhere is the Indian double standard more evident than in the bosom of a small section of seemingly modern, highly educated and sophisticated NRIs. For, deep down inside, many grapple with the fear of change while thrust in the midst of it, of moving away from conventional notions of man and woman's role in marriage and society, and even worse, being unable to relate to their own children who are exposed to values that are so different from their own. But if you really think about it, returning to India with the family or sending daughters back to ‘learn the culture’ would seem quite superfluous today, especially when there are Indians in every American state and when a great deal of that culture has been transported piecemeal to the US. Yet the ‘difficulty’ of bringing up girls here has cost many families their American dream. But this existential-type dilemma isn’t a problem in the case of NRI families with sons. The question that arises then is: why is imbibing the Indian culture more important for girls than it is for the boys? Perhaps the reason lies in the fact that America is thought to foster a sense of individuality, of fierce independence and lateral thinking, which while great for our boys, can severely hamper a woman’s marriage prospects. Of course, most Indian women (groomed from the cradle to make the best wives) are still expected to strive to attain the virtues of domesticity, obedience and docility, to the point of being self-effacing. If the girl must ‘fit in’ with her husband’s family after marriage, she must learn to be flexible, to adjust without argument — lessons of life that some NRI parents feel just can’t be learnt in America’s hedonistic culture of unabashed gender equality, money, sex, drugs and self-gratification. “In the US, there is no difference between a daughter and a son. At a certain age, all the kids must fly the coup and face life on their own. But that’s not the case in India, where most girls go from their parental homes to their marital homes and are still expected to abide by a strict code of conduct. You can take people out of India, but you can’t take India out of the people!†says Dr Dheep, psychologist and counsellor. And perhaps that’s why many of these parents decide to send only the daughters and not the sons back ‘home’. Shalu,* 38, is a computer engineer working in California. Both her daughters aged 8 and 10 live with their maternal grandparents and study in Bangalore. Her 12-year-old son Santosh*, however, lives with her in the US. While initially, her daughters protested vehemently and were very bitter when asked to move to India, they "soon got used to it", she affirms. She sees them every year and is quite content with the arrangement. What goes on in the psyche of the young girl who is told that she cannot remain with her parents in the country that they live in, because it goes against their strict moral code, but that her brother can do so, simply because he is male? Self-esteem issues, certainly. But even bigger than this is the constant feeling of being repressed and sidelined, of not being considered trustworthy enough and the niggling thought that somehow, the brother is the favoured one. Feelings of resentment over the injustice can fester over years, alienating these women from their peers, parents, even extended family. The Indian culture is of course a wonderful, age-old code of living. But shouldn't our young women be credited with the wisdom to embrace these values of their own accord, no matter where they live? And shouldn’t this moral code apply to all of our children? In an ideal situation, irrespective of their geographical status, our kids would learn by the examples we set. NRIs who feel compelled to send their daughters back to India truly believe that they only have the bigger picture in mind. However, the numerous flaws in the arrangement can hardly be overlooked. Since the move is across continents, for many, only yearly visits are possible. Being brought up by grandparents, (no matter how well-meaning and caring they are), can often lead to issues with discipline and communication. Based on where one's guardians live in India (small towns can often lack good teachers and essential infrastructure), education too, may suffer. And worse, nothing can bring back the precious formative years that are completely lost to the parents. Once the girl becomes a woman and it is time for her to marry, it is safe to assume that her own family responsibilities are bound to keep her away from her parental home. When such visits are seldom enough, shouldn’t there be warm and wonderful memories for her to fall back on?
zen Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 This is a subjective topic as the opinion could depend up on a variety of factors including: * Where one is originally from in India * Where one is living in the foreign country * For how long one has been outside his country * Good and bad experiences both in Ind and abroad Originally, I am from Gujarat where women are usually safe .... However, I have heard some horror stories from people from North. One story was about how a son of an MP (in Punjab iirc) and his gang attacked a family - husband, wife and his sister. The family was going home after watching a late night movie show. The MP's son intercepted them and threatened to kill the entire family unless one of wife or sister goes with the gang. One of the ladies had to volunteer (sacrifice herself) to save the family PS Rather than use these examples as feedback to improve situation for women in Ind, many in Ind resort to fighting people who make such comments. How is such behavior any different from Pakistanis claiming that there are terrorists in other countries too?
Desi Cartman Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 My mama (mom's cousin) lives in Perth with family. His parents visit Australia basically to raise their grandchildren (who were born in aust.) . they like aust. a lot but get bored and come back. They say now they won't go and their grandchildren have also grown up a bit and don't require looking after, and so, there is no need. The mama's mother is an osho bhakt but has a slight emotional side too. I guess they now think, kya bas isliye bachche paida kiye the. Have they told you this or is it your guess?
Desi Cartman Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 LOL! Its easy to say that now when all is well' date=' I'm not sure if life would be as good if our parents went about holidaying every year and sent us to crappy sarkari schools. We'd probably be cursing them :haha:[/quote'] So by sending my kids to a decent school and giving them good facilities, I am buying my retirement care? What logic is it? Raising kids is not a sacrifice, its a choice to have kids. I have kids and I take care of them the best I can and yes I will put their needs above mine as they are my kids and I want them to get the best of everything. Thats what parents are supposed to do, its not an EHSAAN.
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