Guest Hiten. Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 "Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub, when she started to breathe heavily. So I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck, she then turns around and says "Tell my room mate I'm having an asthma attack." FML :hysterical::hysterical:
flamy Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 ^^ bHhHhHhahahahahahahahahahahahahaah!!!! :hysterical:
Dirty_South Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 "Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub, when she started to breathe heavily. So I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck, she then turns around and says "Tell my room mate I'm having an asthma attack." FML :hysterical::hysterical: omg
Dirty_South Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Today, I went to the ER for severe pain in my abdominal area. The doctor comes in after looking at the CT scan and says, "Well it's not your appendix." Thinking I'm in the clear I say, "That's Awesome", the doctor then responded with "It's probably your testicles." FML :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Shane Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Today' date=' I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "Be my baby's daddy!" I couldn't get out in time. FML[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
EnterTheVoid Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 These are some of the best FML's :haha: Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML - :hysterical: WTF ? b *** must be a blond. what is this ? a spring? Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML :hysterical: Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML :hysterical: Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML :hysterical: Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, *****. It's my b-day." FML :hysterical: Today, I unexpectedly got my period at lacrosse practice. Our playing feild is a 1/2 mile run away any bathrooms so I headed towards the woods with a tampon. Just as I was about to insert the tampon, the entire boys cross country team ran by... laughing. FML :haha: Today, I was trying to register for a porn site. I secretly took my father's credit card, but all I got back was a "this credit card is already in use." FML Today, I was teaching a swimming lesson to 6-7 year old boys and girls. I recently broke up with my boyfriend so I haven't been taking care of my bikini line. While I was demonstrating how to do a whip-kick out of the water one of the boys said, "You have a beard coming out of your bathing suit!" FML :haha: OMFG :haha: Today, I checked my Facebook to find I had been tagged in a bunch of photos from a party I had attended last night. On each picture I had a comment from my mom saying, "You're grounded." FML
Centrino Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Today, for the 25th time, an Indian called my cell phone asking for 'Pinkie'. I don't know who the hell Pinkie is, but I don't appreciate people calling wrong numbers while I'm having sex. FML Someone from ICF?
vadodaravictor Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 FML gets a book deal :--D http://www.businessinsider.com/f-my-life-gets-book-deal-2009-3
punjabi_khota Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML
suraj Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 My ex want to get back with me' date=' and the girl that I am chasing doesn't want to have anything with me. fml.[/quote'] FAIL!!! Only more shocking love life stories qualify http://www.indiancricketfans.com/showpost.php?p=613513&postcount=37
EnterTheVoid Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Some more amusing anecdotes: OMFG :haha: This site makes my day, everyday :haha: Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" and walked out of the room. FML Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she randomly asked me "does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked "does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML Today, my mom walked in on me looking at a 1978 playboy. She asked if I found it in the basement. I said yes. Then I realized she was the centerfold. FML Today, I went to my first strip club for my friends birthday. I also found out what my girlfriend does for a living. FML Today, for my two-year anniversary I got my girlfriend a very expensive diamond necklace. She got me male enhancement pills. FML Today, I got a call from the hospital that my fiance was in the ER. When I arrived at the hospital they told me that he had a heart attack while having sex. FML
Zap_Brannigan Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 FAIL!!! Only more shocking love life stories qualify http://www.indiancricketfans.com/showpost.php?p=613513&postcount=37 I clicked on that link ready to laugh at someone's misfortune but i found out that it was my entry.....Damn you..........Damn you to helllllllllllllllllllllll
Don Sharma Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back. I got a boner and when I looked to see who the hot chick was, I saw my fat friend rubbing his man boobs against my back. FML
EnterTheVoid Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 The last time I had take away Chinese food for dinner, I contracted a bad case of "The Runs". Really bad "Runs" at a really awkward time, 11 P.M - 4 A.M. It happened to me (Sree) the other night. FML I am never eating there again
Sachinism Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I am addicted to this site, read it every day lol @sree
spectre Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Shane Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 I got this message today FML :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :((
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