1983-2011 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 A guy with a gun enters a bar. "Who the **** had sex with my wife?" he snarled. A voice was heard in the background, "You don't have enough bullets, mate!"
1983-2011 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 My six-year-old son caught me masturbating this morning. He said, "What are you doing daddy?" "It's called wanking," I replied. "You'll be doing this soon." "Why, daddy?" he asked. "Because my arm is ****ing killing me."
1983-2011 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car. Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?" I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend." He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?" I said, "No, she's an optician."
punjabiplaya Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 A guy goes to the council for a job. Interviewer asks 'Are u allergic to anything?' 'Yes, caffeine', he says. 'Are you disabled in anyway?' 'Yes', he replies, 'I was in the army & a bomb exploded near me & blew my testicles off'. Interviewer - 'Ok your hired. Hours are 8 till 3 but you can start at 10 everyday'.Guy asks 'why 10?' Interviewer- 'this is a council job, 1st 2 hours we stand drinking coffee & scratching our bollocks so no point you coming in!'
punjabiplaya Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 The 100m final at the 2012 Olympics will be just like any other Friday night in London.You'll hear a gunshot followed by 8 Nig*ers fecking legging it.
asterix Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 The 100m final at the 2012 Olympics will be just like any other Friday night in London.You'll hear a gunshot followed by 8 Nig*ers fecking legging it. :cantstop:
Sid Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 The 100m final at the 2012 Olympics will be just like any other Friday night in London.You'll hear a gunshot followed by 8 Nig*ers fecking legging it. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Sid Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 A guy with a gun enters a bar. "Who the **** had sex with my wife?" he snarled. A voice was heard in the background, "You don't have enough bullets, mate!" :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 A farmer in Devon has successfully grown a field of vibrators. Unfortunately he now has a problem with squatters.
punjabiplaya Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 I can't stand people who think they're worse off than everyone else....my mate Derek is brilliant, he had a nasty accident and lost both feet and his voice! ..........does he make a song and dance about it? Does he feck!
punjabiplaya Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 A surgeon was operating on a man when he slips and accidentally cuts off the mans balls. He quickly inserts 2 onions and sews his scrotum back up. One month later the man goes back for a check up. "Any problems?" asks the surgeon. "A few." explains the man. "I cry when I piss, my wife gets heartburn after a blow job and I get a fecking hard on when I see a cheese sandwich! :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 As I arrived home from the supermarket my wife asked, "The receipt says the shopping was fourty five quid, you had one hundred when you left, so where's the change?" "I got a taxi home," I replied. "It doesn't cost fifty five quid for a taxi from ASDA," she raged I said, "It does if you share it with a hooker."
Manny_Pacquiao Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Where does a paki gay guy go to have sex? Up a dark Ali. oh god :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :two_thumbs_up:
Prakat Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 A man had trouble getting an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and that there's nothing he can do unless the man is willing to try an experimental surgery. The man asks what the surgery is. The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephant's trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best. The man says that sounds pretty scary, but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier, so he agrees. The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery, and about 6 weeks later gives the man the go ahead to "try out his new equipment". The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. The pressure becomes unbearable and since he figures no one can see him, the man undoes his pants. As soon as his fly is down, his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants. His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face. She says, "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he answers "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!"
vipin Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 A man had trouble getting an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and that there's nothing he can do unless the man is willing to try an experimental surgery. The man asks what the surgery is. The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephant's trunk' date=' insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best. The man says that sounds pretty scary, but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier, so he agrees. The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery, and about 6 weeks later gives the man the go ahead to "try out his new equipment". The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. The pressure becomes unbearable and since he figures no one can see him, the man undoes his pants. As soon as his fly is down, his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants. His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face. She says, "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he answers "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!"[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Sidhoni Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 A man had trouble getting an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and that there's nothing he can do unless the man is willing to try an experimental surgery. The man asks what the surgery is. The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephant's trunk' date=' insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best. The man says that sounds pretty scary, but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier, so he agrees. The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery, and about 6 weeks later gives the man the go ahead to "try out his new equipment". The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. The pressure becomes unbearable and since he figures no one can see him, the man undoes his pants. As soon as his fly is down, his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants. His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face. She says, "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he answers "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!"[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
gaurav92 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 A man had trouble getting an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and that there's nothing he can do unless the man is willing to try an experimental surgery. The man asks what the surgery is. The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephant's trunk' date=' insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best. The man says that sounds pretty scary, but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier, so he agrees. The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery, and about 6 weeks later gives the man the go ahead to "try out his new equipment". The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. The pressure becomes unbearable and since he figures no one can see him, the man undoes his pants. As soon as his fly is down, his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants. His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face. She says, "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he answers "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!"[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Sid Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 A surgeon was operating on a man when he slips and accidentally cuts off the mans balls. He quickly inserts 2 onions and sews his scrotum back up. One month later the man goes back for a check up. "Any problems?" asks the surgeon. "A few." explains the man. "I cry when I piss, my wife gets heartburn after a blow job and I get a fecking hard on when I see a cheese sandwich! :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: A man had trouble getting an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and that there's nothing he can do unless the man is willing to try an experimental surgery. The man asks what the surgery is. The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephant's trunk' date=' insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best. The man says that sounds pretty scary, but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier, so he agrees. The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery, and about 6 weeks later gives the man the go ahead to "try out his new equipment". The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. The pressure becomes unbearable and since he figures no one can see him, the man undoes his pants. As soon as his fly is down, his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants. His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face. She says, "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he answers "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!"[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
gaurav92 Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 A surgeon was operating on a man when he slips and accidentally cuts off the mans balls. He quickly inserts 2 onions and sews his scrotum back up. One month later the man goes back for a check up. "Any problems?" asks the surgeon. "A few." explains the man. "I cry when I piss, my wife gets heartburn after a blow job and I get a fecking hard on when I see a cheese sandwich! :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
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