jokes

[Sachinism]

I was waiting at the counter in a cocktail bar the other day. "Sex on the Beach?" Asked the Waiter "No thanks" I replied. "I just had a wa.nk on the train."

[punjabiplaya]

Old lady goes 2 dentist sits in the chair drops her knickers n lifts her legs up...dentist says im not a gynecologist stupid... I know she says i want u 2 take my husbands teeth out! :hysterical::hysterical:

[punjabiplaya]

I went 4 a health check 2day. Nurse said 'you must stop w****ing'. I asked why? She said 'im trying to examine you.'

[punjabiplaya]

A young girl sees her father in the shower and asks what his testicles are. "Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life," he tells her, by way of poetic concealment. She tells this to her mother, who replies, "Did he say anything about that dead branch they're hanging on?"

[gaurav92]

Old lady goes 2 dentist sits in the chair drops her knickers n lifts her legs up...dentist says im not a gynecologist stupid... I know she says i want u 2 take my husbands teeth out! :hysterical::hysterical:

:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:

[urbestfriend]

Old lady goes 2 dentist sits in the chair drops her knickers n lifts her legs up...dentist says im not a gynecologist stupid... I know she says i want u 2 take my husbands teeth out! :hysterical::hysterical:

:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:

[punjabiplaya]

Wife buys a pair of crutchless knickers 2 spice up sex life. She puts them on with short skirt, sits on settee opposite hubby + opens her legs. Hubby says have u got crutchless knickers on? yes she says! He says thank feck 4 that i thought the stuffing was coming out of that new settee!

[Jadoo]

Wife buys a pair of crutchless knickers 2 spice up sex life. She puts them on with short skirt' date=' sits on settee opposite hubby + opens her legs. Hubby says have u got crutchless knickers on? yes she says! He says thank feck 4 that i thought the stuffing was coming out of that new settee![/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:

[punjabiplaya]

Paddy & Murphy, come across a girl whose bike has a flat tyre. Murphy leaves Paddy to help her & he goes on his way. A few mins later Paddy passes Murphy on the girl's bike. "What the feck happened?" asks Murphy. "Well, I fixed her bike & be jaysus she takes her feckin knickers off, lies on the ground & says, "Take what you want big boy!" I took the bike.'' "Good on ye" says Murphy, "I'm sure the feckin knickers wouldn't fit ya anyway!!"

[punjabiplaya]

If you think life is bad. How would you like to be an egg? You only get laid once! You only get smashed once! It takes 4 minutes to get hard! Only 2 minutes to get soft! You share your box with 5 other guys! And after 3 minutes in the hot tub you get your head smashed in and then you get a good poking by a load of soldiers! But worst of all. The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother! So cheer up, your life aint that bad! Happy easter.

[punjabiplaya]

A jamaican man driving his new BMW pulls over 4 some air,a truck crashes into his door,sending it flyin off the hinges.when the police arrive the jamaican tells them "star,di man jus rip di door off mi new bimma".The policeman replies "u jamaican's r so materialistic,your so worried about ur car door u didn't even realise ur hand was ripped off as well".The jamaican looks at his amputated hand n screams BLOODCLAART!! Mi Rolex gaan!

[punjabiplaya]

I told my girl friend i had a c*ck like a computer. She asked if it was cause it had loads of ram and a hard drive. Oh, the surprise she got when she found out it was actually microsoft and full of viruses . :((

[gaurav92]

A jamaican man driving his new BMW pulls over 4 some air' date='a truck crashes into his door,sending it flyin off the hinges.when the police arrive the jamaican tells them "star,di man jus rip di door off mi new bimma".The policeman replies "u jamaican's r so materialistic,your so worried about ur car door u didn't even realise ur hand was ripped off as well".The jamaican looks at his amputated hand n screams BLOODCLAART!! Mi Rolex gaan![/quote'] :giggle:

I told my girl friend i had a c*ck like a computer. She asked if it was cause it had loads of ram and a hard drive. Oh, the surprise she got when she found out it was actually microsoft and full of viruses . :((

:((:((:((:((:((

[punjabiplaya]

Women are like orange juice cartons, its not the shape or size that matters or even how sweet the juice is, its getting those ****ing flaps to open.. Women should be like golf caddies.... Either holding your balls or getting your fecking tee ready

[punjabiplaya]

I was in the kitchen this morning when I heard someone cry for help outside. Of course I immmediately ran out. A paki was being beaten to death before my eyes. Then the sheer scale of the horror hit me.. SH*T, my toast was burning!!

[punjabiplaya]

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout looking Vegas hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, ‘How much do you charge?’ Hooker replies, ‘It starts at $500 for a hand-job.’ Guy says, ‘$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap, no hand-job is worth that kind of money!’ The hooker says, ‘Do you see that Denny's on the corner?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Well,’ says the hooker, smiling invitingly, ‘I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500.’ Guy says, ‘What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try.’ They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, ‘I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?’ The hooker replies, ‘$1,500.’ ‘I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!’ The hooker replies, ‘Step over here to the window, big boy.’ ‘Do you see that casino just across the street?’ ‘I own that casino outright.’ ‘And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500.’ The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so, and says, ‘Sign me up.’ Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it but, he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, ‘How much for some pu**y?’ The hooker says, ‘Come over here to the window, I want to show you something.’ Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and show places?’ ‘Damn!’ the guy says, in awe, ‘You own the whole city?’ No,’ the hooker replies, ‘but I would if I had a pu**y.’

[Laaloo]

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout looking Vegas hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, ‘How much do you charge?’ Hooker replies, ‘It starts at $500 for a hand-job.’ Guy says, ‘$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap, no hand-job is worth that kind of money!’ The hooker says, ‘Do you see that Denny's on the corner?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Well,’ says the hooker, smiling invitingly, ‘I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500.’ Guy says, ‘What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try.’ They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, ‘I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?’ The hooker replies, ‘$1,500.’ ‘I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!’ The hooker replies, ‘Step over here to the window, big boy.’ ‘Do you see that casino just across the street?’ ‘I own that casino outright.’ ‘And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500.’ The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so, and says, ‘Sign me up.’ Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it but, he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, ‘How much for some pu**y?’ The hooker says, ‘Come over here to the window, I want to show you something.’ Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and show places?’ ‘Damn!’ the guy says, in awe, ‘You own the whole city?’ No,’ the hooker replies, ‘but I would if I had a pu**y.’

:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:

[gaurav92]

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout looking Vegas hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, ‘How much do you charge?’ Hooker replies, ‘It starts at $500 for a hand-job.’ Guy says, ‘$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap, no hand-job is worth that kind of money!’ The hooker says, ‘Do you see that Denny's on the corner?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Well,’ says the hooker, smiling invitingly, ‘I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500.’ Guy says, ‘What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try.’ They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, ‘I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?’ The hooker replies, ‘$1,500.’ ‘I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!’ The hooker replies, ‘Step over here to the window, big boy.’ ‘Do you see that casino just across the street?’ ‘I own that casino outright.’ ‘And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500.’ The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so, and says, ‘Sign me up.’ Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it but, he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, ‘How much for some pu**y?’ The hooker says, ‘Come over here to the window, I want to show you something.’ Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and show places?’ ‘Damn!’ the guy says, in awe, ‘You own the whole city?’ No,’ the hooker replies, ‘but I would if I had a pu**y.’

:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:

[Desi Cartman]

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout looking Vegas hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, ‘How much do you charge?’ Hooker replies, ‘It starts at $500 for a hand-job.’ Guy says, ‘$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap, no hand-job is worth that kind of money!’ The hooker says, ‘Do you see that Denny's on the corner?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Well,’ says the hooker, smiling invitingly, ‘I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500.’ Guy says, ‘What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try.’ They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, ‘I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?’ The hooker replies, ‘$1,500.’ ‘I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!’ The hooker replies, ‘Step over here to the window, big boy.’ ‘Do you see that casino just across the street?’ ‘I own that casino outright.’ ‘And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500.’ The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so, and says, ‘Sign me up.’ Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it but, he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, ‘How much for some pu**y?’ The hooker says, ‘Come over here to the window, I want to show you something.’ Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and show places?’ ‘Damn!’ the guy says, in awe, ‘You own the whole city?’ No,’ the hooker replies, ‘but I would if I had a pu**y.’

:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:

[punjabiplaya]

Was so depressed last night I rang the Samaritans. Got through to a call centre in Pakistan, told them I was suicidal. Basta*ds got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane