punjabiplaya Posted December 6, 2012 Author Posted December 6, 2012 Man City have three stars on their badge to mark how many Champions League games they've won in their history.
punjabiplaya Posted December 6, 2012 Author Posted December 6, 2012 Abu Quatada is to replace Roberto Mancini as the new Man City boss as he knows a thing or two about staying in Europe
punjabiplaya Posted December 6, 2012 Author Posted December 6, 2012 Tampax have announced today that they will replace the string on tampons with tinsel - they said this will be for the Christmas period only
punjabiplaya Posted December 6, 2012 Author Posted December 6, 2012 Kate says to the Queen "Now that I'm with child can you tell me the secret to a long life ?" Queen replies "yes my darling don't pi*s me off & stay away from tunnels!!!
punjabiplaya Posted December 6, 2012 Author Posted December 6, 2012 Sky News - Max Clifford Arrested By Savile Detectives. Some people will do anything for publicity.
punjabiplaya Posted December 7, 2012 Author Posted December 7, 2012 My wife left me because of my obsession with giving people directions. I told her where to go.
punjabiplaya Posted December 7, 2012 Author Posted December 7, 2012 What came first? The black man or rape? :haha:
adi B Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 My neighbour just banged on my door and shouted, "Can I use your phone? There's been an accident along the road and a paki has been run down. He's bleeding to death." I asked him "What's wrong with your own phone?" He said, "Mine hasn't got a camera." :cantstop::cantstop: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: oh boy!!
adi B Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 It's predicted that by 2025 you'll be no more than six feet away from an ex-Chelsea manager :hysterical::hysterical: best
adi B Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 I saw a woman trying to park her car in the Tesco car park today. After a few minutes I went over and said, "Would you like me to do that for you?" "No thanks," she replied. "Are you sure?" I asked, as I walked out with my shopping 45 minutes later. :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted December 8, 2012 Author Posted December 8, 2012 What do you get after you win a religious debate against a paki? Death threats
punjabiplaya Posted December 8, 2012 Author Posted December 8, 2012 Went to bed last night with a girl who had a plasticine fanny. Didn't actually manage to get my co*k in but i think i made a good impression. :haha:
Crookbond Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 Girl: Do u luv me more dan ur family? Boy: No. Girl: Y? Boy: Ok, listen to dis, "Wen i started to walk, I fell, u wer not der 2 pick me up. But my mom was.. Wen i went outside, u wer nt der 2 hold my finger but my dad was.. Wen i cried, u didnt giv me ur toys 2 play but my brother n sister did.. My family is more precious tan anything else.." GIRL: awwwwww, But wen u felt Horny, ur Family was nt der 2 giv u a Blowjob, bastard. :--D
Lord Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 Girl: Do u luv me more dan ur family? Boy: No. Girl: Y? Boy: Ok, listen to dis, "Wen i started to walk, I fell, u wer not der 2 pick me up. But my mom was.. Wen i went outside, u wer nt der 2 hold my finger but my dad was.. Wen i cried, u didnt giv me ur toys 2 play but my brother n sister did.. My family is more precious tan anything else.." GIRL: awwwwww, But wen u felt Horny, ur Family was nt der 2 giv u a Blowjob, bastard. :--D :giggle:
punjabiplaya Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 Some guy just knocked my door selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans. I said,"Feck that, knowing my luck, I'd win one!"
punjabiplaya Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 Sardar on phone: ye kahan ka number hai? Inspector: police station ka. Santa: Aap k paas kya hai? Insp: Danda. Sardar: G***D mein daal lo. Ye bol ke phone rakh diya. Inspector ne caller ID se phone number liya aur usi number pe call lagaya. Sardar ka father ne uthaya. Inspector: yahan se ek phone aaya tha. Mujh se bola aap ke pass danda hai to G***D mein daal lo Father: kitni der pehle phone aaya tha? Insp: 10 min pehle. Father: Toh ab nikaal lo. :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 Santa say's to his Elf "I'am getting sick of this. It's the same old sh*t every year. Running about like a c**t in this stupid, red costume and at the end of it all I always end up with nothing." The elf say's "Now you know how Steven Gerrard feels..."
punjabiplaya Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 A boss has to interview 4 girls for a secretary position. He asked the same question to each one of them. Boss: "A woman normally has lips in 2 different places. What's the difference between the two ? First Girl: "one is hairy, the other isn't ". Boss: "OK.. good!" Second Girl: "one can talk but the other can't ". Boss: "that's better!" Third Girl: "one is vertical & the other is horizontal ". Boss: "Hmm.. clever!" Last Girl: "one is for me & the other is for my Boss ". Boss: "you are hired !! :hysterical:
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