SLICKR392 Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 ^ A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b!tch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks. Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's b!tch.
SLICKR392 Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 My wife gave birth to our beautiful baby son last week and I feel like the proudest father alive. I've just got one question though. At what age do they stop being black? ......
adi B Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 A nun who went 2 the Doctors because she was feeling sick was told she was pregnant. Totally dumbfounded at the news' date=' the next day she stormed into the monastry where the monks lived & shouted, "Right which one of you dirty basta*ds has been wa**king over the candles?"[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical:
adi B Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I bought Alex Fergusons autobiography. I thought I'd got to the end but six more pages appeared. :haha: Have you ever seen twenty pounds all crumpled up?"...the woman asked her husband. "No"...said her husband. She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse...and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra...and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note. He took the crumpled twenty pound note from her ...and smiled approvingly. "Have you ever seen fifty pounds all crumpled up?"... she then asked her husband? "No ..no, I haven't" ...he said (with an anxious tone in his voice). She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer knickers... and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note. He took the crumpled fifty pound note... and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation. "Now" ...she said. "Have you ever seen £10,000 all crumpled up?" "No, never" ...he said (while obviously becoming even more aroused... and excited). "Well, go and look in the garage!"...she said. :hysterical::hysterical: awesome work playa :two_thumbs_up:
SLICKR392 Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher. She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after the first letter." The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy." A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is. Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, "I remember it has an "r" after the first letter." "That's right!" she coaxed. Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says, "Mrs. Crunt?"
punjabiplaya Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 Paddy says to Murphy 'My mate came off his motorbike today'. 'Oh really?' Says Murphy 'Yes' Paddy answers 'He has brain damage, 2 broken arms and is blind in one eye!' Murphy says ' Feckin Hell, no wonder he came off!'
punjabiplaya Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 Wife came home from work to find husband sitting watching the football. "I've decided I'm leaving you, all you do is talk about football. You think about nothing else" she said. "I'm also seeing someone else. He's younger than you, handsome, tender, understanding, treats me like a queen, does anything I ask, has a 9 inch dick and fecks me every day hard and dirty 'til I cant take anymore." "Really?" the husband replied, "what team does he support?"
punjabiplaya Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 I shag*ed this bird fat bird after a few beers. I woke up the next morning and said to her, "if you wanna see me, call this number." "Awww, men don't usually give me their numbers," she responded. I said, "its not mine, its Weight Watchers." :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 I thought Halloween was over.", said my son looking out the window I told him it's been over for weeks now. "Then why are there 50 people dressed up like ghosts knocking on Leroy's door?"
punjabiplaya Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 The majority of black 15 year-olds in this country are decent, law abiding citizens. It's their kids who cause trouble
punjabiplaya Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 What would you call the flintstones if they were black? Nig*as
punjabiplaya Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 I've met a lot of weird girls. They ask me back for a coffee, but instead I end up having sex whilst being really thirsty.:haha:
punjabiplaya Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 "It's about time I told you an important thing," I said to my 15 year old son. "What is it dad?" He asked. "You were adopted," I murmured. "That's impossible!" He exclaimed, "We look the same." "Well," I replied, "That's because we are fecking Chinese."
Lord Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 "It's about time I told you an important thing," I said to my 15 year old son. "What is it dad?" He asked. "You were adopted," I murmured. "That's impossible!" He exclaimed, "We look the same." "Well," I replied, "That's because we are fecking Chinese." :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
SLICKR392 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 "It's about time I told you an important thing," I said to my 15 year old son. "What is it dad?" He asked. "You were adopted," I murmured. "That's impossible!" He exclaimed, "We look the same." "Well," I replied, "That's because we are fecking Chinese." :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted November 26, 2013 Author Posted November 26, 2013 I went up to a girl in the club last night and said, "That's a nice dress. Do you know what it'd look even better on?" "Let me guess," she sighed, "Your bedroom floor?" "No," I replied, "A better-looking girl." :cantstop:
ganeshran Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 "It's about time I told you an important thing," I said to my 15 year old son. "What is it dad?" He asked. "You were adopted," I murmured. "That's impossible!" He exclaimed, "We look the same." "Well," I replied, "That's because we are fecking Chinese." :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted November 27, 2013 Author Posted November 27, 2013 Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him on the seventh day resting. He enquired of god,"Where have you been?" God pointed downwards through the clouds. "Look Michael, look what I've made" said God. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "Its a planet," replied God, " and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and its going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth, "For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people." God continued, pointing to the different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of land and asked, "What's that?" "Ah," said God. "That's Punjab, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful people, five great rivers, and many impressive towns, it is the home of the world's finest saints, soldiers, artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and politicians. The people from Punjab are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as speakers of truth." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed,"What about balance God, you said there will be BALANCE!" God replied very wisely, "Wait till you see the pen chauds I'm putting next to them in Pakistan." :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
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