Desi Cartman Posted October 8, 2014 Posted October 8, 2014 Boy: "Do you want to play the fire engine game?" Girl: "How do you play that?" Boy: "My fingers are the fire engine and I drive up your legs. You say 'Red light!' when you want me to stop." Girl: "Okay, let's play." After a few seconds... Girl: "Red light!" Boy: "Fire engines don't stop for red lights." :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 I love having a Chinese girlfriend. When she walks in on me fecking her friends, I can always lie, "But darling, I thought it was you." :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 A man was laying in bed with his new Chinese bride. "How do you fancy a 69, love?" he asked. She replied, "If you think I'm cooking this time of night, you can go feck yourself." :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 I was telling a girl in the pub about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born on just by feeling their breasts. "Really?" she said. "Go on then... Try." After about 2 minutes of fondling she began to lose patience. "Come on," she demanded, "What day was I born on?" "Yesterday?" I replied :--D
punjabiplaya Posted October 8, 2014 Author Posted October 8, 2014 On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?" One student raised his hand and asked, "How much for a season pass?" :haha:
velu Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?" One student raised his hand and asked, "How much for a season pass?" :haha: :hysterical::hysterical:
Lord Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I love having a Chinese girlfriend. When she walks in on me fecking her friends, I can always lie, "But darling, I thought it was you." :hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted October 12, 2014 Author Posted October 12, 2014 A bloke goes in to see his Doctor, pulls out his 12inch co*k and lays it on the desk in front of him. The Doctor picks it up and examines it for several minutes before saying. "Well I'm sorry sir but I can't find anything wrong with it!" The bloke smiles and says, "I know, it's a fecking beauty isn't it!" :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted October 12, 2014 Author Posted October 12, 2014 Me and my girlfriend made a deal recently; we decided we would both let the other one do their ultimate fantasy to them. Thinking this was my best chance to finally have a threesome, I told her all about my fantasy to invite her best friend into the bedroom and have my way with both of them at once. She agreed, if I agreed to her fantasy. She told me she's always wanted to know what it's like to feck someone, so she wants to do me up the ar*e with a strap on. After talking about this and debating it for a little while, we finally agreed to do my fantasy on the Monday and hers on the Wednesday. On Monday her mate came round and the three of us, after a few drinks, got down to it and it was everything I hoped for. It was amazing, I finally got to do the one thing I've wanted to do for years. On Tuesday I dumped her. :hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted October 12, 2014 Author Posted October 12, 2014 Jimmy puts his hand up. "Miss," he says. "Would you do an*l?" "I beg your pardon?" says his teacher. "I mean, would you take it up the ar*e miss?" His teacher explodes. "You just stay behind after school and see me, young man!" "Good," beams Jimmy. "I was hoping you would."!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :--D:--D:--D:--D:--D
punjabiplaya Posted October 12, 2014 Author Posted October 12, 2014 was well chuffed scored I scored 502 in a cricket match today. I could have scored more, but after nearly 6 hours at the crease my wife insisted I let my son have a bat. :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 How do you confuse a Jamaican butcher? Go in his shop and ask for a large joint. :--D
punjabiplaya Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 A girl came up to me in the club and said, "I haven't had a c*ck for nearly two weeks now." I asked her back to my place and we started fooling around. We got undressed, and that was when I noticed that she still had the scars from the operation.
punjabiplaya Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 I remember when i was at school and had trouble remembering..... My teacher said, "If you think about anything long enough punjabiplaya, it gets easier." I said, "I don't know about that Miss. Last night I was thinking about you for a bit and it just got harder." :--D:--D
punjabiplaya Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 i sometimes take my joking too far.. I got fired from my job on the Erectile Disfunction Hotline after recording a new message. "Your call is impotent, please hold" :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 I got fired from my job at dixons yesterday. being the head cashier, i was a tad surprised. but apparently when asked by a black man how much the TV's we sell cost, hiding under my till and shouting 'just take it, don't shoot me' is classed as racism along with being a sackable offence.
velu Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Jimmy puts his hand up. "Miss," he says. "Would you do an*l?" "I beg your pardon?" says his teacher. "I mean, would you take it up the ar*e miss?" His teacher explodes. "You just stay behind after school and see me, young man!" "Good," beams Jimmy. "I was hoping you would."!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :--D:--D:--D:--D:--D :hysterical::hysterical:
Lord Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 I remember when i was at school and had trouble remembering..... My teacher said, "If you think about anything long enough punjabiplaya, it gets easier." I said, "I don't know about that Miss. Last night I was thinking about you for a bit and it just got harder." :--D:--D :D
punjabiplaya Posted October 16, 2014 Author Posted October 16, 2014 I went to the beach and it was packed. Then I noticed a tall black guy walking among the crowds, selling his African trinkets and carved wood. I went up to him and asked for his help. "My wife's here somewhere. If you find her I'll give you £500. Just shout loud for her while you walk." "£500? Okay, what is her name?" he asked. "It's Ivy", I replied. "Ivy Bowler". Picked a spot all to myself after that. :--D
punjabiplaya Posted October 16, 2014 Author Posted October 16, 2014 I've had a severely painful and stiff knee for months now, but a visit to the doctors' today gave me back my mobility. The second that nig*er in the waiting room began coughing, I ran like feck. :hysterical::cantstop::hysterical::hysterical::cantstop::cantstop::hysterical:
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