punjabiplaya Posted October 21, 2014 Author Posted October 21, 2014 I bought my wife a diamond ring and she promised a*al sex in return. "This wasn't quite what I had in mind," I said, as she introduced me to Paul, her hairdresser.
punjabiplaya Posted October 23, 2014 Author Posted October 23, 2014 Tonight a friend asked if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him I was married now and that's where I sleep. :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted October 23, 2014 Author Posted October 23, 2014 I took a bird back to my house for sex last night. Twenty seconds into it, my co*k went floppy. She looked at me and said, "You can do better than this, surely?" "Of course I can," I said, "But you shouldn't put yourself down like that."
punjabiplaya Posted October 23, 2014 Author Posted October 23, 2014 I took a bird back home last night. We got kissing on the sofa and, before long, I slipped my hand into her knickers. She asked, "Shall we take this upstairs?" I said, "No, I'd rather we did it here." "Oh I see." She winked, "Something in your bedroom you don't want me to see, eh?" I said, "Yeah, my wife." :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted October 25, 2014 Author Posted October 25, 2014 I think you've had enough," fumed my dad last night. "Dad, can I just finish this one?" I asked. "No," he shouted, pulling me off the prostitutes. "You three get out of my house right now." :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted October 25, 2014 Author Posted October 25, 2014 My wife said there's no way in hell she'd ever do doggie style. I went behind her her back and did it anyway.
punjabiplaya Posted October 25, 2014 Author Posted October 25, 2014 Three boys are bragging about how tall their fathers are. One says, "My dad's so tall, his head touches the ceiling of the house." "That's nothing," says the second boy. "My dad's even taller. Once we were vacationing abroad and visited a coconut grove. Dad just raised his hands and touched the coconuts hanging from a tall tree." The third boy: "They weren't coconuts, silly! Those were my father's balls." :haha:
kumar713 Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Tonight a friend asked if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him I was married now and that's where I sleep. :cantstop: :giggle:
kumar713 Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 I took a bird back home last night. We got kissing on the sofa and, before long, I slipped my hand into her knickers. She asked, "Shall we take this upstairs?" I said, "No, I'd rather we did it here." "Oh I see." She winked, "Something in your bedroom you don't want me to see, eh?" I said, "Yeah, my wife." :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
kumar713 Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Three boys are bragging about how tall their fathers are. One says, "My dad's so tall, his head touches the ceiling of the house." "That's nothing," says the second boy. "My dad's even taller. Once we were vacationing abroad and visited a coconut grove. Dad just raised his hands and touched the coconuts hanging from a tall tree." The third boy: "They weren't coconuts, silly! Those were my father's balls." :haha: :cantstop::cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 The clocks went back one hour last night. Unless you're a paki of course, then you need to put yours forward a couple of centuries. :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted October 26, 2014 Author Posted October 26, 2014 I said to my sexy hot doctor, "I found a lump downstairs this morning." "Ok, well take off your pants." she replied. After feeling my boll*cks for a few minutes she said, "Where's the lump then?" "Under my armpit." I replied, "I was in my living room at the time." :--D
Cricket_Hacker Posted October 28, 2014 Posted October 28, 2014 E-mail Note from a man in Sheffield to his friend in Birmingham: I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood. So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch. I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIS in its centre. Now,the Yorkshire police, the National Security Bureau, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, the CIA and every other intelligence service in Europe are all watching my house 24x7x365. My children are followed to school every day and my wife when she goes shopping. I'm followed to and from work every day. So no one bothers me at all. I've never felt so safe before !
punjabiplaya Posted October 30, 2014 Author Posted October 30, 2014 Tim Cook, CEO of Apple has come out as gay. Explains why his phones are bent. :--D
punjabiplaya Posted October 30, 2014 Author Posted October 30, 2014 My wife popped into my office for the first time today. "So this is where you work then?" she said. She then noticed a picture on my desk of a hot busty blonde, "Who is this?" she asked pointing at the picture. As I started to blush, my colleague Brian interrupted and said, "Dave had told us that was you." :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted October 30, 2014 Author Posted October 30, 2014 Sometimes i dont think before i speak!!!!!!!!!!!! I came home from the bar and my wife said, "How did that blonde hair get on your shirt collar, huh?" "I've no idea," "No idea?!" she shouted. I said, "Yeah, the girl I slept with was a redhead. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
kumar713 Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 My wife popped into my office for the first time today. "So this is where you work then?" she said. She then noticed a picture on my desk of a hot busty blonde, "Who is this?" she asked pointing at the picture. As I started to blush, my colleague Brian interrupted and said, "Dave had told us that was you." :haha: :haha::haha:
velu Posted October 31, 2014 Posted October 31, 2014 My wife popped into my office for the first time today. "So this is where you work then?" she said. She then noticed a picture on my desk of a hot busty blonde, "Who is this?" she asked pointing at the picture. As I started to blush, my colleague Brian interrupted and said, "Dave had told us that was you." :haha: :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted November 2, 2014 Author Posted November 2, 2014 A guy proposed a one pound bar bet to a full figured girl. Despite her dress being buttoned to the neck, he bet he could touch her breasts without touching her clothes. Since this didn't seem remotely possible, she was intrigued and accepted the bet. He stepped up, cupped his hands around her breasts and squeezed firmly. With a baffled look, she said, "Hey, you touched my clothes." And he replied: "Okay. I owe you a pound." :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted November 2, 2014 Author Posted November 2, 2014 After my accident, I woke up in hospital with a sexy nurse standing over me. She said, "You may not feel anything from the waist down." "Fair enough," I replied, groping her breasts :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
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