beetle Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 Unfortunately it is so true.Some women misuse the law and make a mockery of something that was supposed to save lives. Unfortunately the ones who get burnt are the ones who are the kind who are taught never to open their mouth. And these fake cases waali insult the real victims . If found to be misusing the law...these abusers should be given the same punishment that they demand for their so called abusers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaurav Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 Seriously...how can you ever respect a guy who takes or asks for dowry.... If Indian men were not such sissies then maybe they could stand up to their parents :wink_smile: Absolutely disgusting the whole dowry business! Look at the pervert uncleji on the scooter :hysterical: Man that chick is fully covered up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lurker Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 If Indian men were not such sissies then maybe they could stand up to their parents :wink_smile: Absolutely disgusting the whole dowry business! Oh please spare me that Western advertisement - Indian men are sissies etc etc. What Indian men are you on about? None of my Indian friends have taken a buck in dowry and they are all Indian thank you very much. By the way ever thought to sit back and wonder why in a Western society the father of the bride has to pay for the kharcha of the marriage? Ever wondered why a normal wedding that easily runs into 10-20,000 USD is almost always borne by the Father of the Bride? Heck they even made a comedy movie starring Steve Martin on it. Why is that I ask? Why not father of the groom eh? Indian men my arse. Some places do it still, specially in places like fertile AP river basin area, but the situation is definitely on the down and guess what it is also due atleat partly to Indian "sissy" men. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veer Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 Unfortunately it is so true.Some women misuse the law and make a mockery of something that was supposed to save lives. Its all part of India rising culture.. :whatchutalkingabout Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beetle Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 Not some places...a lot of places lurker......Maybe not extreme cases but dowry taking and giving are all very much a part of most marriages.But the blame doesn't just lie with men.Most often the women are as much to blame if not more. We have had so many cases of women calling police on the wedding day because the groom demanded dowry but how come we never see cases of women calling the police when their brothers and cousins ,mama chacha etc demand or take dowry. Fact is that most people in India have arranged marriages.And this mostly means marrying within your community.Now if you belong to a community where this happens then most likely it is always a two way street. Lete time koi kuch nahi bolta.... dete time jab baat bigad jaati hai tabhi dowry ka rona rote hain.People who see people taking dowry in their own families have no business complaing. Waisay most of the time it is the women of the family who do the actual dirty work of harrasement. The blame also lies very heavily on the girl's parent who most time are considered the victim.It is these parents who teach the women that they are paraya dhan...and once they are married off with a dowry ....unka hisaab kitaab barabar ....they are now supposed to adjust to their new homes no matter what.What stops these parents from getting their daughters back?They are equally to be blamed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaurav Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 Oh please spare me that Western advertisement - Indian men are sissies etc etc. What Indian men are you on about? The ones that take dowry. Sissy Indian men was in context of this thread. I was referring to Indian men that do take dowry. I am also Indian and I definitely am not a sissy so I was not saying that every Indian man is a sissy. Btw I was not aware that in the west Indian men are termed as sissies. My comment was based on personal experience. None of my Indian friends have taken a buck in dowry and they are all Indian thank you very much.Good for them :hysterical: By the way ever thought to sit back and wonder why in a Western society the father of the bride has to pay for the kharcha of the marriage? Ever wondered why a normal wedding that easily runs into 10-20,000 USD is almost always borne by the Father of the Bride?Abhe India ki generalization karne pe teri g@nd jalti hai magar west ki generalization karne me nahi jalti? :wink_smile::hysterical: There is a difference between demanding something (before and after the marriage) , making life of the daughter in law hell.... compared to whatever you are talking about. Most of the western marriages I attended the couple split the costs. You must be moving in some rich circles as my western friends bore all their marriage costs (No rich parents to pay for them) :hysterical: Heck they even made a comedy movie starring Steve Martin on it. Why is that I ask? Why not father of the groom eh?Yeah we should judge India by Bollywood as well :haha: Indian men my arse. Some places do it still, specially in places like fertile AP river basin area, but the situation is definitely on the down and guess what it is also due atleat partly to Indian "sissy" men.Obviously not as the sissy ones are still taking dowry :hysterical: Dowry is alive and kicking in India just like the caste system. I agree that some progress has been made but still long way to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Outsider Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 One of my cousins got married a couple of years back in India - 100% love marriage. Comes the time for parents to talk etc. the guy's parents started demanding dowry and the guy said, "Well I won't go against my parents wishes". Our family registered a police case against them and invited some local police big shot to the marriage and they lived happily ever after. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Predator_05 Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 From what i have seen and heard - the exchange of dowries is still prevalent in India, especially in the middle class. The BBC did an excellent documentary on this subject about 3 years ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beetle Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 One of my cousins got married a couple of years back in India - 100% love marriage. Comes the time for parents to talk etc. the guy's parents started demanding dowry and the guy said' date=' "Well I won't go against my parents wishes". Our family registered a police case against them and invited some local police big shot to the marriage and they lived happily ever after.[/quote'] But why get the girl married to such a guy swetabh? Even after knowing the truth about him............Can you seriously ever be happy with such a person? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Outsider Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 But why get the girl married to such a guy swetabh? Even after knowing the truth about him............Can you seriously ever be happy with such a person? I wouldn't have done the same and a lot in the family asked her to call it off after the dowry BS but it was her choice in the end. Atleast for now, her choice seems to have been vindicated because her husband and in-laws haven't misbehaved with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lurker Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 The ones that take dowry. Sissy Indian men was in context of this thread. I was referring to Indian men that do take dowry. I am also Indian and I definitely am not a sissy so I was not saying that every Indian man is a sissy. For your kind information many in the Western world take dowry too. I have seen Gujrati peeps who have lived here take dowry(happened in Houston). So what are you on about Indian men? Abhe India ki generalization karne pe teri g@nd jalti hai magar west ki generalization karne me nahi jalti? There is a difference between demanding something (before and after the marriage) , making life of the daughter in law hell.... compared to whatever you are talking about. Okay so lets get to the bottom of this now. How many Indians you know, and I am sure you must know atleast a few dozens, have actually done that - torture their daughter in law for dowry pre or post marriage. Go on give me some personal experience. Put up or shut up. Most of the western marriages I attended the couple split the costs. You must be moving in some rich circles as my western friends bore all their marriage costs (No rich parents to pay for them) Have you heard the term Father of the Bride? ANd have you heard that he pays for the marriage? If it did not happen in your circle good for you I say, but do you deny that it exists/happens? xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Predator_05 Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 How many Indians you know, and I am sure you must know atleast a few dozens, have actually done that - torture their daughter in law for dowry pre or post marriage. Go on give me some personal experience. Put up or shut up. Whether he knows women who have been subjected to abuse due to issues with dowries isn't important. You do recognise that this problem exists in contemporary Indian society ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lurker Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 Whether he knows women who have been subjected to abuse due to issues with dowries isn't important. You do you recognise that this problem exists in contemporary Indian society ? Of course I do Predz but let me put it this way. 20-30 years back this was a known phenomenon, today not so much. I would like to know how many of us have run into this situation ourselves, where men(like me and you) take dowry and where their families torture daughter in law. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veer Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 One of my cousins got married a couple of years back in India - 100% love marriage. Comes the time for parents to talk etc. the guy's parents started demanding dowry and the guy said' date=' "Well I won't go against my parents wishes". Our family registered a police case against them and invited some local police big shot to the marriage and they lived happily ever after.[/quote'] i think this is exactly the guy gai is talking about... wat a sissie..?? .. you gotta stand for your beliefs and values.. just imagine a gal leaving her childhood home, parents, siblings and moving to entirely new environment with new folks relying only on her husband.. and then husband does this.. that just makes me mad.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beetle Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 Firstly lurker...how many of you live in "indian situation" ....and just because you haven't encountered it in your circle doesn't mean it doesn't happen. No one in my family or friend circle has been murdered...does that mean it doesn't happen? Besides ...do you really expect people to own up and say that they did accept " expensive gifts" or actually confess that they have demanded it .Just like p[eople don't confess to domestic abuse ....people don't accept that they take dowry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Predator_05 Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 Of course I do Predz but let me put it this way. 20-30 years back this was a known phenomenon, today not so much. I would like to know how many of us have run into this situation ourselves, where men(like me and you) take dowry and where their families torture daughter in law. x Obviously we won't encounter dowry-related torture in our own close families - especially those of us who live abroad (ie; me). I am referring to the common middle class in India. I think you are being a little ignorant here...it's not a phenomenon which has vanished follwing the emergence of economic liberalisation. Dowries are age old values deeply embedded in Indian society, and it's safe to assume that like any age-old tradition - they will exist forever. Bear in mind that MANY dowry cases go unreported, so any official estimates won't provide you with the real picture. If you want examples, check out this link. This is the BBC documentary i was talking about earlier - they did this in November of '03 Here is a transcript --> http://news.bbc.co.uk/nol/shared/spl/hi/programmes/correspondent/transcripts/dowrylaw16-11-03.txt Another page - check out the links on the right hand side http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/correspondent/3223391.stm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lurker Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 Firstly lurker...how many of you live in "indian situation" ....and just because you haven't encountered it in your circle doesn't mean it doesn't happen. No one in my family or friend circle has been murdered...does that mean it doesn't happen? I find that a strange reasoning Radhika. Look at this way, people here are from all walks of life. There are Biharis, Mumbaites, Delhites, Southies, Northies, Bongs etc etc. Some IT people, some students, you a teacher, some professionals of other kind. Then we have people of different ages, and people in different regions of the world. In a nutshell we have a fairly decent sampleset of India, though more middle class to upper middle class. If we do not have experienced such activities we can atleast say that such things are uncommon, atleast in certain classes, and/or on the downside. Besides ...do you really expect people to own up and say that they did accept " expensive gifts" or actually confess that they have demanded it .Just like p[eople don't confess to domestic abuse ....people don't accept that they take dowry. Now what do I say to that? I mean if people can not be honest then there is no point discussing serious topics hai na? It is like me saying "Women should have equal rights" while I am a MCP at heart. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beetle Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 You are just in denial about some realities lurker. I haven't seen it in my family.I would never stay a day with anyperson who asked for or accepted dowry.But I am not going to close my eyes aand pretend that this does not happen.Every year thousands of women in delhi alone die of dowry related burns.And unfortunately these figures are only increasing.It is also not class related.Happen in lower ,middle and upper classes. What is even more alarming is that it is slowly spreading to communities that did not have it earlier.It is also not religion specific... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veer Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 What is even more alarming is that it is slowly spreading to communities that did not have it earlier.It is also not religion specific... are you serious about this?? i thought reverse trend is going on.. :omg_smile: in days of 'India Rising.. " , I still have my doubts.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
apocalypse Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 one reason for it being spreading so fast is that people dont say no to the "So called gifts" given by the in-laws. Then the human tendency to ask for more becomes active. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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