Tiger80 Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 MUMBAI: The new president of the Indian Psychiatric Society (IPS), Dr Indira Sharma, has claimed that early marriage is one of the solutions to curb violence against women. Psychiatrists have called her statements "provocative", "disgusting" and equated the IPS with a " khap panchayat". Early marriages, "preferably in early twenties or as soon as the boy gets employed", are recommended so that "sexual needs are satisfied in an appropriate manner", Sharma said at the IPS's 65th annual national conference at NIMHANS, Bangalore, between January 10 and 13. Her speech was titled 'Violence against Women: Where are the Solutions'. On Friday, she told TOI: "Parents lose 50% control on their child once he starts working. He has no responsibilities, has extra time and money. He can take to alcohol and lose his frame of mind and commit sexual crimes.'' The core group of the IPS, which represents 4,000-odd psychiatrists, will soon meet to decide whether to censor her speech or accept it in full for publication on the official website. An unfazed Sharma, who also heads the psychiatry department of Benaras Hindu University in Varanasi, told TOI over the phone that presidential speeches are meant to address a burning issue. "It was a presidential statement, not a diktat. Every person has the right to an opinion," she said. But many in the fraternity are not amused. Delhi-based psychiatrist Dr Alok Sarin said: "Discussions are on over her provocative statement." IPS member Harish Shetty from Mumbai said clearly education and awareness don't go hand in hand. N Ashok Kumar, an IPS member from Cuddapah, said early marriage cannot solve any problem. "There are married men who assault housemaids. Moreover, how can a psychiatrist draw such a line for society? It's not our job to advocate such solutions." The issue has been simmering within the IPS circle for a month now. Kolkata-based Anjali Mental Health Organisation was among the first to start the debate by posting a message on a social networking site on January 15. "The IPS e-groups have been buzzing ever since," said a doctor. The focus of their discussion is on whether the presidential address should be censored or carried in full. "As per the rule, the presidential address should be uploaded on the website at the earliest. But can we, as a fraternity, endorse such viewpoints?" asked one doctor. Dr T S Sathyanarayana Rao, who is the editor of the Indian Journal of Psychiatry, said he would need a written article from Sharma before uploading the same on the IPS website. "I have not got it yet. She has promised to send it by Tuesday," he told TOI. IPS office-members said a meeting will be held within the next fortnight. "We may ask her modify her address or print a rider along with it," said Rao. But Sharma is unperturbed. "Academia is characterized by difference of opinions. I have just given my opinion. It's not a khap diktat. I have only stated what I have seen as a psychiatrist," she said on Friday. "Marriage is a protection against crime. One of its advantages is that it is a socially acceptable channel for sexual desire. Ideally, both men and women should marry between 21 and 25," she added. Stating that society had changed a great deal, she said: "Earlier, we had child marriages, which was an extreme. Now, we have the other extreme of late marriages. Some people delay marriage because they keep trying for a government job, some delay it for studies. But these are self-defeating and frustrating moves. Why cannot a person marry and still continue studies?'' Sharma said, socially and medically, late marriages are wrong. "Women are medically advised to have their first child by 30. So they should marry before 29. Moreover, your children should settle down by the time you retire." http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Early-marriage-curbs-crimes-Indian-Psychiatric-Society-chief-says/articleshow/18408455.cms
DomainK Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 So, lets go back to the old child marriage then.
AGHORI Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 I think majority of people who are involved in rape crimes are married ones.So whats the point here
Desi Cartman Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 So' date=' lets go back to the old child marriage then.[/quote'] sure as that will also mean that no cases can be registered for child abuse... ek teer se 2 shikaar :yay:
Lurker Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 So' date=' lets go back to the old child marriage then.[/quote'] Should not be so quick to dismiss DK. :-! Indian society is undergoing a huge churn right now. Not sure if ever there has been a time when things are happening so quick, and generations are trying to find their own morals, values, and place in the society. Contextually to this thread, on one hand you have folks getting married in teens. On other hand a bunch of youngsters in late 20s/30s working their rear end off without opposite sex companionship. No wonder there are so many sexual crimes. I would start paying more attention to Sociologisy, Pshyiatrist etc. Lets bring this discussion out in open and not be dismissive.
urbestfriend Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 I am in full agreement with her with regard to early marriage not because it reduces sexual crimes, but it has many benefits for an individual to get married early...
DomainK Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Should not be so quick to dismiss DK. :-! Indian society is undergoing a huge churn right now. Not sure if ever there has been a time when things are happening so quick, and generations are trying to find their own morals, values, and place in the society. Contextually to this thread, on one hand you have folks getting married in teens. On other hand a bunch of youngsters in late 20s/30s working their rear end off without opposite sex companionship. No wonder there are so many sexual crimes. I would start paying more attention to Sociologisy, Pshyiatrist etc. Lets bring this discussion out in open and not be dismissive. I am not yet married and thankfully, have not turned a criminal. On the contrary, if I was threatened with early marriage, I guess I would have become a criminal.
Lurker Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 I am not yet married and thankfully' date=' have not turned a criminal. On the contrary, if I was threatened with early marriage, I guess I would have become a criminal.[/quote'] Good for you, although I can see you were half joking. Seriously though, this is a serious social discussion that needs to happen. Indian society has very much adopted Western values, which is to make a career first and marry later. Which is definitely the right approach in my opinion. And yet unlike West where you can make your career and be very sexually active, in India you are in your late 20s and 30s and a virgin (often). The latter is a recipe for disaster. I am obviously not a proponent for child marriage but I can certainly see a difference between a couple married early and taking sex for what it is, a natural process, than a single man (or woman) who does not have access to physical intimacy during the best years of his, or her, life.
DomainK Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 What do you think is the right age for marriage? For a common Indian guy and a girl?
Desi Cartman Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Good for you, although I can see you were half joking. Seriously though, this is a serious social discussion that needs to happen. Indian society has very much adopted Western values, which is to make a career first and marry later. Which is definitely the right approach in my opinion. And yet unlike West where you can make your career and be very sexually active, in India you are in your late 20s and 30s and a virgin (often). The latter is a recipe for disaster. I am obviously not a proponent for child marriage but I can certainly see a difference between a couple married early and taking sex for what it is, a natural process, than a single man (or woman) who does not have access to physical intimacy during the best years of his, or her, life. But as far as the law is concerned, 18/21 is not too old. The issues which you have mentioned are more social and tbh financial. Also indian kids living with their parents mature very late. Most of them never work when they are studying and their real life starts after they start working (22-23 for urban educated youth).
vandokkum Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Why are progressive values like women working and deciding to marry whenever they want considered only "western" values? These values should be part of every society, it seems like there is a negativity among some Indians towards things that are deemed "western".
surajmal Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Why are progressive values like women working and deciding to marry whenever they want considered only "western" values? These values should be part of every society' date=' it seems like there is a negativity among some Indians towards things that are deemed "western".[/quote'] Progressive is like fashion, it comes and goes. Besides, you can't expect change any faster than the ground situation dictates. Just look back 20 years and you will be amazed at the difference between now and then.
Lurker Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 What do you think is the right age for marriage? For a common Indian guy and a girl? In my honest opinion, that is not the question we should be asking, or answering. The question, to me, that we should be asking is What is the role of sex in the modern Indian society. The reason we are having this conversation is rather simple. In India sex = marriage. If you have sex before, or outside of marriage, it is considered seriously taboo. Virginity is the best gift a woman can bring to her man, or a man to his woman. No society works this way. Western society obviously does not, but not even Eastern society does. Japanese, Chinese, Malay, Phillipines, even Lankans are in much better position than we are. Age is just a number. A single woman in her 30s who is working hard to make life better for herself, family and siblings. If she decides to get married in her 40s, or never at all, I say all powers to her. But why should she be devoid of physical intimacy without being skewered by moral brigade? I am surprised why Mahila Samaaj never raises any points regarding this. Not that situation is better on the men side. Early marriages, "preferably in early twenties or as soon as the boy gets employed", are recommended so that "sexual needs are satisfied in an appropriate manner", This I completely agree with from the article. Sexual needs to be satisfied in an approriate manner and 20s is too good an age to be a celibate person. Where I differ, obviously, is whether one should get married just to have intimacy. Hope that clarifies.
1983-2011 Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 What do you think is the right age for marriage? For a common Indian guy and a girl? male 25 female 22
beetle Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Making controversial statements is the fastest way of getting famous these days. How many people knew this person before this?
diga Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 What do you think is the right age for marriage? For a common Indian guy and a girl? when they are ready & understand the needs of a marriage
Tiger80 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 In my honest opinion' date=' that is not the question we should be asking, or answering. The question, to me, that we should be asking is [b']What is the role of sex in the modern Indian society. The reason we are having this conversation is rather simple. In India sex = marriage. If you have sex before, or outside of marriage, it is considered seriously taboo. Virginity is the best gift a woman can bring to her man, or a man to his woman. No society works this way. Western society obviously does not, but not even Eastern society does. Japanese, Chinese, Malay, Phillipines, even Lankans are in much better position than we are. India is religious society .All religion prohibits sex without marriage .so majority of people will always going to see sex without marriage especially for women as something wrong Age is just a number. . Age in India is not just number.Colleges clearly say that if you are over this age then you are not eligible for admission . Govt jobs has age restrictions .Army , Air force has very severe age restrictions. You loose 1-2 academic years and you are not even eligible to apply in them.MNC companies in India too have their age restrictions.similarly marriage market in India has preference for young people. A single woman in her 30s who is working hard to make life better for herself, family and siblings. If she decides to get married in her 40s, or never at all, I say all powers to her. But why should she be devoid of physical intimacy without being skewered by moral brigade? I am surprised why Mahila Samaaj never raises any points regarding this. Not that situation is better on the men side A single woman can do sex without marriage but in the end she has to accept label of being westernised.If she comes from religious family and by chance they knew about it then she may also have to accept that they too no longer respect her.The worst thing with whom she is sleeping may also see her time pass material and decide to marry some other .Is it any wonder that these days we hear plenty of cases where women are charging their live in partners with rape as they no longer wants to marry them.This clearly shows how much important is the tag of being married is important for women with whom they slept
Lurker Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 A single woman can do sex without marriage but in the end she has to accept label of being westernised.If she comes from religious family and by chance they knew about it then she may also have to accept that they too no longer respect her.The worst thing with whom she is sleeping may also see her time pass material and decide to marry some other .Is it any wonder that these days we hear plenty of cases where women are charging their live in partners with rape as they no longer wants to marry them.This clearly shows how much important is the tag of being married is important for women with whom they slept Why do we Indians always try to focus on the worst possibility? Let me try to explain that with an analogy. True story too. When I travelled overseas first time in late 90s, my Mom told very me very endearingly - Accha se rehna, aur roz phone karna (stops for a second realizing it would be very expensive..this is prior to Skype and VOIP era), bas ek minute ke liye phone kar dena...aur hoshiyaar rehna, aajkal bahut bimaari faila hua hai. God bless Moms of this world lol. That was her way of saying Dont sleep around lest you get AIDS. I say this because when the IT era opened up the first time and folks started to move overseas, most parents were worried ke ladka bahar jaake bigad jaayega. So what happened? I am doing this routine now 10 years, have met Indians of all kind ranging from IT to Doctors to Gas Station owners to Professor/Students you name it. How many Indians have turned into a sex-junkie? NONE. Even though most of these guys have access to do the "wrong" thing, far away from family's preying eyes and everything they do not. To the point that these days when folks come overseas nobody battles an eyelid. But let that not fool you, there was a time when men(and women) working overseas were looked at in a different light. Point being people are inherently good, specially Indians, dont go about just being negative about them all the time :winky: India is religious society .All religion prohibits sex without marriage .so majority of people will always going to see sex without marriage especially for women as something wrong This is true only for India. And Middle East (but since when did Middle East become a benchmark for anything related to human rights?) Some of the most religious Christian States (Latina America for example) are very open when it comes to sexuality. Brazil, which is 2/3rd, Roman Catholic would put any European country to shame. Same with other Latin countries. Even European countries, like Ireland and Italy, which are stringent on abortion do not preclude sex outside of wedlock. What about Eastern countries? Japan is as liberated as any country in matter of sex, or sexual discourse. Same withTaiwan, Korea and many other nation. This reminds me of a Durex worldwide survey that happened in mid 2000s. Of about 50 countries that were surveyed India was dead last in most barometers. Take it for whatever its worth :winky:
anotherhawkeye Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Early marriage has lot of benefits - you could have kids earlier, when you have more energy, and kids will be out of the house when you are relatively young, leaving you to enjoy some quiet couple years before retirement. Kids born when mother in lower to mid 20s tend to be healthier as well. OTOH, people don't develop their personality fully until they are in their mid 30s. Marrying early, they might pick someone they don't like in the future, but have to live with for the rest of their life.
Desi Cartman Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 We met a woman at the park yesterday who has 2 year old twins. As she started chatting she told us that she is a 51 year old woman and her husband is 55. Obviously they had to find an ovum donor and had to get it planted but besides that she was able to carry the kids till 38 weeks (very rare for twins). The kids look healthy and the couple seems very happy but it made me wonder if it is the right thing to do, these kids will have parents who will be 70+ when they graduate out of high school.
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