Gaurav Posted October 4, 2007 Author Posted October 4, 2007 I read that someone had ' date=' in response to the "Who is your ideal match ? " question in orkut , had written the answer as - [b']" is a person i can deal with. dont care if i love him or he loves me". I think it makes a lot of sense. Love is a totally over-hyped concept fit only for movies. I have had friends try to sell me the merits of love marraige and i always take what they say with a pinch of salt. I disagree. I don't want my marriage to be emotionally bankrupt. Yes love does not pay the bills but love is definitely NOT over rated.
yoda Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 I disagree. I don't want my marriage to be emotionally bankrupt. Yes love does not pay the bills but love is definitely NOT over rated. Love works as long as your partner doesn't find someone else to love more.
coffee_rules Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 I have seen some bad arranged marriages, scary for the girl, if she is weak not of the confrontational types. Guys can get abusive and I will never let my 1-yr old daughter go thru that, later in life.
Ram Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 I disagree. I don't want my marriage to be emotionally bankrupt. Yes love does not pay the bills but love is definitely NOT over rated. i see that you are quite a romantic person. good for ya , but no thanks for me.
Lurker Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 One way i look at it , even though i am still many years from being married , is that i have least expectations from partner , whoever that is. If i expect my wife to be an absolute darling , the most compassionate and caring soul on this planet and be a fun-loving person , i know all i will end up with is a big Zero. Darn it Sriram, whats wrong with you? :damnmate: You have every right to expect your significant other to be an absolute darling. Someone who loves you dearly and her face lights up when she sees you(well atleast initially). Love is not an overrated thing it is an underrated emotion if that. The best thing in the world is love, period..followed by sex with a loved one..nothing else comes close. xxx
Gaurav Posted October 4, 2007 Author Posted October 4, 2007 if sex is all you are after' date=' there is no need to even get married at all. you can keep whoring around all your life and probably have a even better life. :D[/quote'] That is what I was doing but my plans got interrupted :hysterical: GKD trust me have seldom seen an unhappy arranged marriage.. U lovelorns think arrnaged means forced it never is these days......... My dadi said never trust anyone who says "trust me" :hysterical: Aree yaar I never said arranged marriages are forced to that degree (all though they still are in lot of families). Dada but the fact still remains that you are marrying someone you don't know very well. Few weeks or even few months of controlled dating is meaningless.
Ram Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Darn it Sriram, whats wrong with you? :damnmate: You have every right to expect your significant other to be an absolute darling. Someone who loves you dearly and her face lights up when she sees you(well atleast initially). Love is not an overrated thing it is an underrated emotion if that. The best thing in the world is love, period..followed by sex with a loved one..nothing else comes close. xxx Lurks , it would be absolutely AWESOME if all the things that you had listed actually happen. But with all due respect , i dont think thats the case with most of the married guys here. Besides , a relationship is always growing/evolving. My formula for least disappointment - Least expectation. :two_thumbs_up:
yoda Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 That is what I was doing but my plans got interrupted :hysterical: Love marriages:Great Sex::Arrianged Marriage: decent Sex+No Divorce
Lurker Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Lurks , it would be absolutely AWESOME if all the things that you had listed actually happen. But with all due respect , i dont think thats the case with most of the married guys here. Besides , a relationship is always growing/evolving. It does. It works for more number of people than it does not. It is not about expectation at all Sriram. It is all about a chemistry, hard to put in words. I bet most people here, married or otherwise, have experiences like that. When you have two people who are not passionate about each other it is not a marriage of love/affection but more a marriage of convinience. xxx
Lurker Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Love marriages:Great Sex::Arrianged Marriage: decent Sex+No Divorce :thumbs_down::thumbs_down: Highly exaggerated Yoda. Sex is independent to love or arranged marriage really. It is dependent on the degree of comfort two people have. Look at it this way, sometimes it is easier to confide in a stranger than it is with a known person(say a friend). Then there are times when it is easier to confide in a known person. Sex is like that...keep it strangely twisted and you are good. xxx
yoda Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 :thumbs_down::thumbs_down: Highly exaggerated Yoda. Sex is independent to love or arranged marriage really. It is dependent on the degree of comfort two people have. Look at it this way, sometimes it is easier to confide in a stranger than it is with a known person(say a friend). Then there are times when it is easier to confide in a known person. Sex is like that...keep it strangely twisted and you are good. xxx The reason I say that is Love marriage for most part (amongst Indians) seems to be based highly on physical attraction. In arranged marriages, folks typically have kids pretty early (within 2 or 3 years) and sex life automatically takes a back seat after that.
fineleg Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 I read that someone had ' date=' in response to the "Who is your ideal match ? " question in orkut , had written the answer as - " is a person i can deal with. dont care if i love him or he loves me". I think it makes a lot of sense. Love is a totally over-hyped concept fit only for movies. I have had friends try to sell me the merits of love marraige and i always take what they say with a pinch of salt.[/quote'] Can u get that orkut person to join ICF? :D He/she sounds very interesting
Lurker Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 The reason I say that is Love marriage for most part (amongst Indians) seems to be based highly on physical attraction. In arranged marriages' date=' folks typically have kids pretty early (within 2 or 3 years) and sex life automatically takes a back seat after that.[/quote'] See there you may go wrong Yoda. Imagine two people in love, having even a live-in relationship. No godamnn issue in the world. Now imagine them together after 5 years or so. Do you think their sex life would be as fiery as what it was 5 years back? No. The fire dies after time, unless you know how to rekindle it. Same with married couples. xxx
Gaurav Posted October 4, 2007 Author Posted October 4, 2007 Lurks , it would be absolutely AWESOME if all the things that you had listed actually happen. But with all due respect , i dont think thats the case with most of the married guys here. Besides , a relationship is always growing/evolving. My formula for least disappointment - Least expectation. :two_thumbs_up: Marirs I used to be like you after being in plenty of relationships. Believe it or not love does really work. I will however say that it's VERY hard to find the right person. Let me use your points to compare my marriage. I will be very honest... Can i discuss something with her for 30 mins without breaking into an argumentDepends on the subject. Generally we can go months without arguing. Plus she looks sexy when she argues :haha: Can i go out with her for 2 times a week without feeling bored ? 2 times a week? WTF dude :hysterical: I have been almost 10 years with my wife and not once I felt bored in her company. Infact when I get bored in other peoples company I wish that she was with me. Can she live with my parents for couple of months a year without either trying to kill the other ?Yes but only because I am fair and not a complete mummy ka baccha. If you are fair then both wife and mum will see that you are even handed. Depends on the parents as well. Both sides have to be good. Is she sane enough to put things in perspective and not blow stupid things out of context ? Abhe you want to marry a man? :hysterical: Is she independant enough to do her own thing , instead of just doing what i want ? Definitely Does she look ok enough for me to take her to a party and yet feel comfortable about it ? Definately dont expect super-models looks. Definitely If i can tick all these and few more personal things which i dont i should reveal here , i think we are good to go. Dont care if its arrange of love marraige.Don't be shy :D:sex:
fineleg Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Lurks , it would be absolutely AWESOME if all the things that you had listed actually happen. But with all due respect , i dont think thats the case with most of the married guys here. Besides , a relationship is always growing/evolving. My formula for least disappointment - Least expectation. :two_thumbs_up: Whether you follow this with to-be-spouse or not, this is the only way to be a 'Happy' Indian cricket fan. If you can survive being a 'Happy' indian cric fan, then u've mastered low expectations :thumbs_up: Add to ur list marirs: * your wife will let u watch n talk cricket :D
fineleg Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 It does. It works for more number of people than it does not. It is not about expectation at all Sriram. It is all about a chemistry, hard to put in words. I bet most people here, married or otherwise, have experiences like that. When you have two people who are not passionate about each other it is not a marriage of love/affection but more a marriage of convinience. xxx Lurks, do u think love marriage is not/does not evolve to Marriage of Convenience?
Lurker Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Lurks, do u think love marriage is not/does not evolve to Marriage of Convenience? Not if you have some idea of what you want FL. The way I see it is you get married early(say 20-22 give or take a few) you become a completely different person when you are 30-32 years old. Its the same for both guys and girls. So it doesnt matter if you have had love marriage or arranged marriage. By the time you are in 30s you two have essentially changed. On the other hand if you are say 30, give or take a few, you would be more aware of what you want. I know I wont compromise today on a few things, I also know I would have compromised on the same things 5 years back. So if I get married now the chances of the marriage breaking into convinience is lot less. But of course I wouldnt know till I actually took the phera. xxx
Ram Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Marirs I used to be like you after being in plenty of relationships. Believe it or not love does really work. I will however say that it's VERY hard to find the right person. Let me use your points to compare my marriage. I will be very honest... GKD , i used to be romantic. But i am more a realist now. I think it is almost IMPOSSIBLE for 2 different people to come together ( love or arranged) and just get along like fire and petrol. I would rather start in least expecatation mode and graduate into higher modes as time passes on. Depends on the subject. Generally we can go months without arguing. Plus she looks sexy when she argues :haha: I know girls who cant talk without getting high BP for 2 mins straight. That is NIGHTMARE for me. 2 times a week? WTF dude :hysterical: I have been almost 10 years with my wife and not once I felt bored in her company. Infact when I get bored in other peoples company I wish that she was with me. GKD , either you are lying or have multiple personality dis-order. You claim to love your wife so much and yet want to do the "Do" with every hot women you see. Or maybe i am just too dumb to see how your emotions work. Yes but only because I am fair and not a complete mummy ka baccha. If you are fair then both wife and mum will see that you are even handed. Depends on the parents as well. Both sides have to be good. Tell me about it dude. Certain parents still so old-fashioned and archetypal , that i think there will be culture clash almost every day. Abhe you want to marry a man? :hysterical: Why not ? :hysterical: Don't be shy :D:sex: Abhe , its not that. I couldnt possibly tell you guys everything. I will become almost transparent then. :D
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